How can I help? What should I say?
One major obstacle to receiving help is that people who need help the most are usually the least likely to seek it. When we break an arm, we visit an orthopaedic; when we have a cavity, we visit a dentist – we understand that we can’t fix the problem by ourselves. However, this same understanding often doesn’t extend to mental illnesses. There can be various reasons for this, such as stigma, self-reliance, or not wanting to appear weak.
Another key deterrent is a lack of insight. Many people simply don’t think that their distress is significantly impacting them or realize that they need help.
As their loved ones, you may be the first ones to notice that something is amiss. You may find the person displaying a worrying change in their emotions, behaviors, or interpersonal relationships. Perhaps you notice your mother experiencing more intense fluctuating emotions and an inability to function in day-to-day life? Or maybe your best friend has become increasingly withdrawn and has been unable to care for themselves for a significant period of time? You care for these people, so it is understandable that you worry for their well-being. It’s hard to watch someone you care about struggle with their mental health, while knowing that there are intervention options that they can benefit from So, how can you encourage a loved one to seek help?
1. Speak to your loved one about your concerns
Approaching the topic can be daunting. You will likely require quite some time and patience to persuade a person in need to seek the help he or she needs. A good place to start is by letting them know that you need to have an important conversation with them.
Time and place is key. Avoid starting the conversation in a public space where others could overhear the conversation. Contrary to what is portrayed on TV shows, staging a large-group intervention does more harm than good. Instead, have the conversation when your loved one is relaxed, and undistracted and in a safe space. This makes the person feel more respected, in control, cared for, and willing to engage in a discussion.
Use “I” statements and remain non-judgemental. Refrain from pointing fingers or using stigmatizing language. Tell your loved one “I’m worried about you”. Explain specific, objective areas of their behaviors that are concerning, such as “I noticed that you have been rather withdrawn lately and spend a lot of time in your room.”
Approach them from a genuine empathetic space, and not sympathy or judgement. Do not blame or guilt them for ignoring their well-being. Highlight your concerns and care for them as the reason you are having this conversation. If they share their troubles with you, do not discount their distress – it is not a personal weakness and their feelings are real.
2. When they say “No”
If your loved one responds with negative emotions like anger, remember that it isn’t directed at you (although it can sometimes be easy to feel that way!).
Manage your expectations. Not everyone will be immediately receptive to the idea of seeking help. After all, it is a serious thing to consider and your loved one likely needs some time to process and think about it. Don’t get disheartened though! Rather than shutting the door on the topic or forcing them into something they are not ready for, let your loved one know that you will approach them again in the future when they feel more prepared and that they can always lean on you if they would like a listening ear.
3. Provide emotional and practical support
The process of getting your loved one to seek help is a lengthy one.
Continue supporting your loved one – lend a listening ear, validate and empathise with their feelings, ask what you can do to help, and simply be around for them. Be patient and remember to take care of yourself too.
Being there for someone else can be taxing, so it’s important to ensure that you are taking care of yourself emotionally, mentally and physically too. It is encouraged to establish boundaries and take some time for yourself. By doing this, you model self-care for the person you are supporting!
In addition to emotional support, practical support goes a long way too. When contemplating seeking help, an individual may get put off as they may not know where to start. This, in itself, can feel very overwhelming. Ask your loved one about their preferences regarding what kind of help they would feel comfortable with and help them to find a suitable therapist that fits their needs. Contact clinics on their behalf and research the specialities of various psychologists to determine a good fit.
4. Offer to accompany them
Once your loved one is ready to seek professional help, you can suggest the possibility of accompanying them to see a clinical psychologist. Some people may feel scared of seeing a therapist alone, so it helps to offer to go with them until they are comfortable. You can sit in the waiting room during their first few sessions. Assure them that you won’t ask any questions about what was discussed during the session unless they wish to share.
Educating them on what the therapy process entails might also help to ease any worries that they may have. We have a helpful resource on what to expect when coming for therapy that you might find useful!
You may also wish to arrange for a separate consultation with one of our clinicians to further discuss how you can provide support to your loved ones.
5. Highlight their accomplishments
Seeking help is one of the best steps that a person can take. It, however, is also one that requires great strength and courage. We’re often so focused on trying to improve ourselves that we may forget to acknowledge how far we’ve already come. Celebrate your loved one’s decision to go for therapy and the courage that it entails. Remember, simply choosing to seek help is half the battle won. Above all, assure them of your continued love and support throughout the process.