Staying afloat in what seems like a rip current
You are in pain. You feel numb. There are times in life where we feel so overwhelmed with emotional pain that it seems like there is no way out. When this happens, suicidal thoughts may swarm your mind, (erroneously) presenting itself as the only solution. Often, it’s not that you want to end your life, but rather, are seeking an escape from the unbearable pain and numbness.
You are not alone. Many others have experienced this pain and entertained suicidal thoughts – in 2020, Singapore recorded 452 suicide deaths while Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) reported over 39,000 suicide and crisis related calls.
Many, however, struggle alone with their pain in our local mental health landscape where suicide is deemed taboo. It’s high time we embrace conversations around suicide. Let’s start by going through what may keep you afloat in what appears to be a rip current.
Ψ Focus on getting through today
Your pain and suicidal thoughts may seem overwhelming in the moment. You don’t have to act on your thoughts now. You may have had them previously. Recall how the distressing emotions and suicidal thoughts came and left. How you feel today may not be how you feel tomorrow or the week later - feelings will pass.
Ψ Create a crisis/safety plan
The gist of a safety plan is to list the key things you can do to keep yourself safe during a crisis. This is an extremely important step, and we care for you and have created a template for your own safety plan. Fill in the plan and keep it somewhere you can easily access and refer to it whenever the urge to hurt or kill yourself arises.
You could write down the people whom you can contact to help you feel better and the places where you would feel safe (e.g., your bedroom, friend’s house).
Stay away from things that you could use to harm yourself, such as pills and razor or even keys that unlock your window grills. Get a trusted friend or family member to safeguard them on your behalf until you are more in control of your thoughts and feelings.
Ψ Take note of your triggers
Triggers are things that worsen your emotional state or intensify your suicidal thoughts.
To identify your triggers, note down what typically happens before you experience (more intense) suicidal thoughts. It could be encountering certain people, hearing certain songs, seeing or tasting certain food, or being at a certain place. A better understanding of what usually makes you feel worse allows you to have more control over your feelings and thoughts as you can make the effort to stay away from them.
Ψ Practise mindfulness
Mindfulness allows greater awareness to your own feelings and thoughts, which empowers you to notice shifts in your emotions and take steps to manage them. It is also a way for you to focus on the present moment.
Depending on what works better for you, you could choose to engage in mindfulness exercises that focus on your internal (i.e. your body) or external environment (i.e. surrounding).
Mindfulness practices that encourage you to pay attention to your body include mindful breathing. You practise mindful breathing by focusing on your breath – the inhale and exhale. On the other hand, grounding techniques which are based in mindfulness encourage awareness of your physical reality. To reconnect you with the present, grounding techniques involve the engagement of your five senses. For instance, the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique asks that you name 5 things that you can see, 4 things that you can feel, 3 things that you can hear, 2 things that you can smell, and 1 thing that you can taste.
While you can practise them during your heightened state, it would be beneficial if you could practise them even when you are in control of your emotions. With more practice, it would be easier to implement during your crisis.
Ψ Engage yourself in things that you once enjoyed
This could look like spending time with your family and friends even if you do not talk about your feelings, going for a walk in the park, watching a movie and playing games.
Engage in those activities even if your body and mind tell you not to, and note how you feel after.
Ψ Come up with a gratitude list
Make a list of the things that you are thankful for in your life. Think about your family and friends whom you love, the sights and sounds that you can experience and delight in. You could also affirm your strengths.
We imagine that this might be difficult to think of when you are experiencing a crisis so note them down whenever you feel able to.
Ψ Seek support
You don’t have to fight this battle alone.
It is hard to ask for help but it is the bravest thing you can do for yourself. Reach out to someone whom you trust to share your feelings and how you have been coping or struggling. Understand that they may be startled when they first hear about it but know that they want to help. Let them know how you want them to support you if you have an idea (e.g., check in on you every night, call the emergency hotline for you during a crisis).
Besides approaching your friends and family, you could join a support group. It is a powerful tool that helps you feel supported. People with similar experiences would come together to share their struggles and tips to overcome them.
If you find it too hard to talk to a loved one and you just want to hear a voice, call the crisis helpline. They could help to direct you to relevant resources or professional help.
Lastly, connect with an experienced mental health professional who will work with you to manage your difficult emotions and suicidal thoughts in a safe, nonjudgmental, and supportive space.