What is Abuse?
How can I help someone who is being abused?
Abuse refers to any forms of violent, cruel or demeaning acts against another person or animal to cause harm or distress.
Types of Abuse
“Physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse… that should be about it right?”
There are actually many more types of abuse than we think. There are at least 5 different types of abuse. The different types of abuse can be further subdivided according to:
Ψ The nature of the abuse (e.g. physical, emotional, financial, or sexual)
Ψ The demographic of the victims (e.g. elderly, children, or intimate partners)
Here are some types of abuse and the warning signs you should look out for.
Physical Abuse
What are the signs?
Some signs of physical abuse include sustaining physical injuries and wounds (e.g. battered faces, bruises, or cuts). In more serious cases, one can have broken bones, internal bleeding, or even punctures. More subtle signs include the perpetuator not allowing anyone to visit the victim, or isolating the victim, to prevent others from knowing about the abuse.
What is it?
Physical abuse refers to causing bodily injury to others intentionally. Bodily injuries can be inflicted by any violent acts such as kicking, hitting, scalding, strangling, choking, pushing, or slapping the victim.
Physical abuse is often associated with domestic abuse or child abuse where battered partner or children find it difficult to break free from helplessness and passivity.
Emotional Abuse
What are the signs?
Signs of emotional abuse include intimidation, manipulation, humiliation, criticism, name-calling, blaming, false accusations and trivializing of one’s concerns. Victims can also show signs of emotional agitation, excessive self-consciousness, social withdrawal or anxiety, and non-responsiveness to the perpetuator.
As seen from the examples above, verbal abuse is usually intertwined greatly with emotional abuse, whereby words are used to hurt someone emotionally. Other forms of non-verbal emotional abuse include neglect, love withdrawal and silent treatment.
What is it?
Emotional abuse is often also called psychological or mental abuse.
Emotional abuse refers to non-physical abusive behaviors that are aimed at undermining one’s mental well-being such as one’s self-esteem, dignity and sense of identity.
Financial Abuse
What is it?
Unlike the aforementioned types of abuse, financial abuse is less frequently heard of. Financial abuse refers to controlling or restricting one’s ability to use money or other financial resources. Victims are often excluded from financial decision-making as well.
Financial abuse is common in domestic abuse and elder abuse where the spouse’s or elderly parents’ access to financial resources are being controlled. Financial abuse traps victims in the abusive relationship as they do not have the resources to survive by themselves.
What are the signs?
Some signs of financial abuse include controlling expenses and allowance without seeking one’s opinion or advice, have access to one’s bank account, creating joint bank accounts, using one’s money without permission or agreement, or sabotaging one’s opportunities to acquire a job or promote.
What should I do if I know someone who is being abused?
1. Help them prioritize their safety
Safety of the victim is of utmost priority. Help victims of abuse stay safe, especially those who are physically abused and/or are isolated at home. Check in with their safety at times and ensure that they are okay.
In the case where you cannot contact them for a few days or if you see that the victim has incurred serious physical and psychological hurt, please inform the police so that the victim can be separated and kept safe from the perpetuator.
You can work together with the victim to come up with a safety plan as well. A safety plan is a code used by the victim to signal that they are in danger. This code should not be revealed to the perpetuator to ensure the safety of the victim.
2. Help them seek professional help if needed
Encourage them to approach someone who can offer professional guidance and advice. If they are willing and consent to getting professional help, you can help them contact the relevant helplines if necessary.
If consulting relevant professionals seems intimidating and overwhelming for the victim, offer to accompany them for the visits as well.
3. Lend support to them
Lend them a listening ear and let them know you are there for them. Support is important for the victims as they will know that they are not alone and they can turn to someone else for help.
Often, perpetuators of abuse aim to make the victims feel bad about themselves so they can easily manipulate them. They tend to limit the victims’ access to social or financial resources (e.g. through isolating them from their friends or preventing them from getting a job) so they have no choice but to be dependent on them. Victims then develop learned helplessness and often find it hard to leave an abusive relationship. Knowing they have someone else to rely on other than the perpetuators is thus a great source of strength and courage to them.
What should I not do if I know someone who is being abused?
1. Do not trivialize and invalidate their experiences and feelings
Opening up and sharing about being abused take a lot of courage. If an abuse victim confides in you, treat their call for help seriously and do not make insensitive jokes or remarks that would make them feel worse about themselves and more afraid to approach others for help. Always be emotionally accessible and non-judgmental when a victim shares about their experience.
2. Do not blame them for their abuse
Victims are never responsible of the other party’s abusive behaviors as we are all accountable for our own actions. Instead, help victims know that we are all deserving to be treated with respect and dignity, and abuse should not be justified by any reasons.
3. Do not make decisions for them
They have the right to make independent decisions for themselves. Do not force them to leave the perpetuator. It is difficult for victims to walk out of an abusive relationship, especially if they are emotionally, legally or financially tied to the perpetuator.
However, regardless of their decisions, let them know you will be here for them. Try your best to reason with them and talk them through calmly, but ultimately, they have to make the choice for themselves.