We may be familiar with the ‘danger signs’ that someone may show when they are thinking of self-harm, such as talk of life being meaningless or painful, or overly generous acts such as giving treasured items away. And it can feel overwhelming when we do come across such signs. “How can I help?”, “Is there something I can do?”, “I don’t want to lose them” are thoughts that may cross our mind. And we’re here to help! While seemingly trivial, reaching out to them via text can be helpful. Here are 10 things to text or not to text someone who may be suicidal:
Assure them of your support. “I am here. Would you like to share with me?”
Thank them for making the effort to share with you. “Thank you for telling me.”
Acknowledge their feelings first, solutions can wait. “I am sorry to learn you are feeling this way.”
It is okay to ask, “Are you planning to harm or kill yourself?” It won’t increase the likelihood of self-harm and we can better take precautionary actions if they do have plans.
If they do have thoughts of suicide, encourage them to seek immediate help. “I am concerned for you. Would you like to speak to a mental health expert?”
If they do not, still encourage them to seek professional help, “I think it may be helpful. I can help look up some and go with you if you would like.”
Remind them that you are thinking of them from time to time. “Hey, I saw this and it reminded me of you!”
DON’T say “I know how you feel”. Even if it may seem similar, the situation and the emotions that they are going through may be different from what you have experienced or envisioned.
DON’T say “Others have it worse than you do.” It’s not a competition of who has it worse, and doing so may make the individual feel like they matter even less.
DON’T say “Get over it.” They would like for their hurt to be gone too, and saying such things may make them feel like their emotions don’t matter.
A loved one contemplating or engaging in self-harm is a painful experience for both the individual and their loved ones. And it is natural that we may yearn to quickly rush in and to save them, to present them with solutions or our assessments of their situations. However, remember that this is about their pain. As such, simply being there and providing them a listening ear to their problems goes a long way, and you are already helping.