If you are reading this, you have likely encountered someone who rubs you the wrong way. This person could be a colleague, a friend, a neighbour, or even a family member. There is always something about them, whether it's the way they speak, behave, or simply their mere presence, that makes you feel irritable.
But why is this the case?
Different Values
Values drive our actions, perceptions, and essentially every aspect of our lives. When two people with different values, or even opposing values, come together, clashes and conflicts can become inevitable. We must invest extra effort in regulating our emotions and managing our expectations in such situations. However, as time passes, it may become increasingly challenging to tolerate these differences. For example, consider someone who highly values punctuality meeting with someone who has a more relaxed approach to time. Being late once might be tolerable, but a consistent pattern of lateness can gradually wear down the person who values punctuality, making them increasingly irritable over time.
Different Personality
Apart from values, personality is another factor that might play a role here. Introverts and extroverts are probably two of the most common personalities known. Introverts are those who prefer solitary and low-stimulation environments, while extroverts are those who prefer social interaction and enjoy external stimuli. When people with these two different personalities meet, clashes could potentially happen. On one hand, introverts may feel overwhelmed by extroverts' social demands, and on the other hand, extroverts may feel that introverts are aloof or uninterested.
Past Experiences
Our life experiences shape our perceptions. If we've had a bad experience with an insurance agent, it's possible that when we encounter another insurance agent in the future, we might already have a negative impression of them before knowing much about them. When we meet someone who shares similar characteristics with those whom we had unpleasant experiences with in the past, they can easily rub us the wrong way even without doing anything.
Conflicting Goals
One simple example to illustrate this is by looking at football fans. I believe most of us have come across news where rival football fans were fighting or involved in violent clashes. Two different groups of individuals with different goals. When this occurs, or in cases where someone obstructs us from achieving our goals, it is natural for us to view them as enemies.
There are various reasons that could contribute to why someone rubs us the wrong way, but there is probably one simple antidote to it, which is by being mindful. Being mindful of how our behaviours or perceptions are affected by our values, personalities, experiences, and goals allows us to be aware of our thinking and behaviour and gain better control of our actions.