If you identify with any of the above, you might be a parentified child.
What is Parentification?
Parentification occurs when a child assumes the role of the parent. A parentified child is robbed of a carefree childhood and takes on hefty responsibilities that are inappropriate for their age. In adulthood, you might learn to only trust and rely on yourself, which hinders you from forming healthy relationships.
Types of Parentification
Ψ Instrumental Parentification
This is when a child takes on the physical and tangible duties of the parents. They might take care of their younger siblings, pay the bills or care for a loved one with a disability or an addiction.
Ψ Emotional Parentification
This is when a child provides emotional support for their parents. The parentified child might feel responsible in providing a listening ear or comfort and advice to their parents in times of distress.
How to Heal from Parentification?
Fortunately, it is possible to address the parentification trauma. Here are some tips to start embarking on your journey of recovering from parentification.
Ψ Acknowledge your experience of being a parentified child.
Be open to speaking up about your trauma. Accept the reality of a loss childhood and the repercussions it may have in your adulthood. Allow yourself to feel and process the grief and anger.
Ψ Explore your needs and prioritise them.
Reconnect with your inner child and explore these needs. You might need love, attention, or the freedom to play. You are now your own parent and have control over your needs. As a child, you might have missed out on activities that were meant for children. It might be difficult to put yourself first, but you can try with small steps. Start by spending time with friends, listening to music, meditating, or anything that makes you happy!
Ψ Cultivate self-compassion.
As parentification is covert and insidious, it often goes unnoticed. This does not mean that your feelings are any less justified. Don’t be too critical of yourself; understand that it’s not your fault and there’s nothing you could have done better as an innocent child. Tell yourself “I am sorry for what you had to go through, and I love you”.
Ψ Learn to establish healthy boundaries.
Growing up with parents who push your boundaries might impair your ability to establish healthy boundaries. To set boundaries, be clear and direct to avoid miscommunication. While being polite, don’t feel apologetic for wanting to meet your own needs; remember that self-care is not selfish.
It takes time and patience to allow yourself to heal. Our childhood wounds do not define us, and you deserve to have your needs taken care of. If you need support, feel free to reach out to our team of psychologists.