It is normal to experience intense emotions after an abortion, such as grief, loss or relief. Emotions come in waves - while they might be intense at times, they come and go. Let ourselves feel whatever emotions we are feeling and accept them for what they are. After all, there is no right or wrong way to feel when it comes to our emotions. Give ourselves the space to experience these feelings too. At the same time, try viewing our experiences from a third-party perspective (i.e. imagine that a friend is going through the same ordeal – what would we say to her?). Many have found this approach to be helpful and gives them clarity of their current situation. Not only does this validate our emotions, but it also allows us to practice self-compassion, which is instrumental in coping with such experiences.

While experiencing intense emotions after an abortion is normal, if they take up significant amounts of time or disrupts daily life, consider setting aside a designated amount of time in each day to process them (e.g by writing them down on a journal). This is helpful in making sense of the current situation and tracking progress too. There are also healthy outlets to express our emotions, such as confiding in someone we trust. If you experience discomfort in talking about your feelings, consider other channels such as journaling, art or playing music. These activities are also healthy ways to temporarily relieve the stress we face.

Feeling better takes time. While these methods have been found to be helpful, it is inevitable that negative emotions might still surface. As with all traumatic experiences, feeling better is a process that takes place over time. Allow ourselves the space and time to process the painful emotions we experienced. Remind ourselves of how and why the decision to opt for an abortion was made, and that it is normal to experience emotions after a big decision, regardless of the outcome.

Alcohol is a depressant and can trigger feelings of depression. Depressants slow down brain functioning and neural activity, interfere with mood regulation and decrease one’s ability to think rationally. [Alcohol abuse is commonly associated with depression]. Persons suffering from depression turn to alcohol is to ‘feel better’. At first sip, alcohol might appear to ‘lift’ one’s mood as it increases the release of dopamine, a hormone that makes us feel happy. However, as alcohol consumption increases, negative effects such as feelings of anxiety and depression will start to kick in and dominate the initial positive feelings. One might experience depressive feelings again and turn to alcohol to cope with these emotions. This might culminate into a cycle and perpetuate drinking as a coping mechanism for depression.

In order to better support your loved one, it is important to first find out why they are using alcohol. High-functioning individuals are adept at projecting only images of themselves they wish for others to see, intentionally suppressing signs of depression or other mental health concerns. For some individuals, signs of their struggles might become more noticeable only when their inhibition levels are lowered (i.e when drinking alcohol). Another possible reason for their alcohol consumption is that they use it to cope with stress or negative events. To support your loved one, provide them with a safe space to express their concerns and feelings. Try and remain non-judgmental and validating when expressing your concerns for them. Assure them that they have the love and support of the family, and that they are made aware that they have someone to lean on when feeling down. Allow them to decide on an optimal time to share their concerns and avoid putting pressure on ‘opening up’.

If supporting your child or loved one becomes a challenge, speak with a mental health professional to investigate any underlying mental health concerns.

Everyone has their own set of fears or phobias. But people with specific phobia will exhibit significantly more distress and anxiety. Individuals with specific phobia experience intense and irrational fear when faced with a triggering object or situation, such as cockroaches or spiders. Some may even suffer panic attacks. These fears are out of proportion to the actual danger posed by the object or situation. They will often cope by avoiding these objects or situations in their daily life altogether (it is prudent though, to avoid grizzly bear attacks when going about your daily life). The situation becomes more problematic when the objects or situations take on a more benign spin: public speaking, needles, or perhaps a general fear of heights. Although not always, persons suffering from specific phobia may have endured a traumatic experience with the object or situation.

If you feel that your fear has reached alarming levels, start by observing how long this fear has been around, and how this fear has affected your levels of functioning. Has this fear resulted in significant consequences in other aspects of our life (e.g unable to have enough rest for long periods of time, difficulties focusing at work)? If the fear has been ongoing for a long period of time, and/or has significant impact on your everyday life, consider seeking professional help.

Specific phobia responds well to Exposure Therapy. For example, if you are fearful of dogs, your psychologist will work with you and develop an exposure hierarchy chart with a customised list of experiences that begins with the most tolerable (e.g. a picture of a dog) to the most fearful (e.g. patting a real dog). Through a combination of repeating exposure experiences, learning skills to regulate emotions, and learning new information about the fearful object or situation (e.g. like how not all dogs are vicious), individuals will eventually learn to manage their anxiety and fears.

Dozing off, or even falling asleep, during a mindfulness exercise such as mindful breathing is normal, especially if we have only begun practising it! Finding the balance between relaxation and sleeping is a difficult task to achieve, especially if you do not get sufficient rest on an everyday basis.

It is important to get sufficient sleep. When we are not well-rested, it is inevitable that we feel sleepy. Make sure to get ample rest. Doing the exercise in an open space can help us to stay alert. If we are unable to do the exercise in an open space, an open window helps. Breathing in fresh air will help to keep our mind alert while meditating. Alternatively, try the different mindfulness exercises such as mindful walking. Mindful walking helps us to focus on the experience of walking. This way, we redirect our attention to our surroundings rather than the thoughts in our head, allowing us to focus on being in the present instead of combating the many fleeting thoughts that enter our minds.

Parents can struggle with acceptance when a loved one is clinically diagnosed with depression. Some parents might blame themselves, thinking that they could have done better. This is normal, given the love and concern we have for our children. If your child does not want to talk about their difficulties at the moment, it is important not to take this personally but to give them the space that they need. Clinical depression is a serious mental health condition that affects a person’s mood and behaviour. As a parent, the best thing you can do is validate how they are feeling during this time. Let them know that you are there for them by providing a safe, non-judgmental space to talk about their thoughts and feelings.

Encouraging your child to participate in simple daily activities with you will create opportunities for bonding and demonstrate that you are there for them should they feel comfortable to talk. Activities may include going to the supermarket, accompanying you on a drive while you run errands, or walking the dog around the neighbourhood. At the same time, these activities may help to improve their mood by breaking the cycle of social isolation and avoidance commonly associated with depression. Learning more about depression by speaking to a mental health professional or other reliable sources will go a long way in understanding what your child could be going through and supporting them the best way you can.

Most people experience transient and non-persistent insomnia at certain time points in their lives. However, if your insomnia persists, it is recommended that you see a sleep doctor or specialist.

Mental health issues are a strong underlying factor associated with insomnia. Those who are prone to anxiety or worry-prone personality or cognitive styles, or those who tend to repress emotions over periods of time, have been associated with insomnia disorder. One common reason behind insomnia is a marked increase in stress, such as undergoing major life or work transitions, or feeling the effects of pandemic fatigue and stress. Over time, the factors that precipitate insomnia might differ from the factors that continue to perpetuate it. There are stress-relieving techniques that are useful in tackling sleep difficulties. Such techniques include the practice of mindfulness. If you suspect your insomnia was brought about by emotional or psychological concerns, you may also wish to consider seeing a psychologist to work through the underlying causes of insomnia.

Another reason could be your sleep environment. Noise, light and temperature in our sleep environment all play a role in initiating and maintaining sleep. Consider making changes to the sleeping environment to create a more conducive sleeping environment for us (e.g having a night light, switching on the air conditioner to a comfortable temperature). If insomnia affects other areas of your daily functioning (i.e. interferes with our ability to stay awake and focus) over a prolonged period of time, you may wish to consult a sleep doctor or psychologist.

We have all contemplated the meaning of life from time to time, especially if we are under stress, feel burnt out, or have no motivation. There are many reasons that might lead to a loss in motivation. Accumulated stress over long periods of time or being overwhelmed by recent incidents or events that cause stress are two such reasons. Events might include major life changes such as the loss of a loved one, retrenchment, or burnout. While we might not be able to control every outcome around us, we have control over how we make sense of the things that are happening around us. Reframing our perspectives to recognise the value in doing certain things might help to reignite the motivation we had lost.

For instance, rushing for work deadlines from time to time are part and parcel of modern work life. If we constantly assign negative thoughts and emotions to the vicissitudes of life and work, we may become unmotivated and feel dreadful. We can learn to accept that things like stress and pressures at work are an inalienable part of reality and to remind ourselves of why we are working so hard in the first place. For example, working diligently might reflect values that we deem important to ourselves such as being responsible and hardworking. Therefore, recognising and believing in the values of working diligently might serve as a motivation to persevere. As a result, shifting our perspectives and identifying the values of doing certain things (and what that says about you as a person) can be useful to keep us going. (Of course, if you find yourself trapped in an endless cycle of impossible deadlines and combatting job stressors, perhaps it might be the job and not you!).

The loss of motivation in life is a mental health concern if it is prolonged or coupled with unhelpful thinking behaviours and suicidal ideations. It can also be concerning if there was no particular trigger for this loss in motivation. In such instances, consider consulting a mental health professional.

The first thing I would say is that worry and doubt are natural responses we face in our daily life! Worrying about not meeting a deadline, the progress of an ongoing task or delivering a presentation is a common fear or worry response in workplace settings. However, if you are worrying to the point that you feel significantly affects your well-being or quality of life, you might need to seek help from a mental health professional.

One psychological strategy you might wish to try before you do is something we call "worry time". You may wish to schedule 10 or 15 minutes of your day to allow yourself to worry. First, identify all the tasks or items that are within your “sphere of influence”; essentially, matters that you can do something about. You may not always be able to control or determine the outcome, but you can take steps to influence or alter the outcome. Identify what needs to be done and complete those tasks. You’ll start to feel a whole lot better once you make a checklist and be able to tick them off. Then tell yourself this: “there are always going to be things that are not within my influence (your “sphere of concern”)”. Allow yourself to worry about these concerns, acknowledging that you've already done all that you can to address these concerns. After the scheduled worry time is up, try and continue your day with a fresh mind!

Having worries, fears or moments where we are more cautious than usual is entirely normal, especially given the current COVID-19 situation. In line with current MOH guidelines, if you feel you have a fever or any of the other symptoms for COVID-19, please see your doctor so that he or she can assess that there is a clinical need for you to do a PCR test. If it is deemed that there is a need for such a test, your doctor will be able to test you or refer you to a suitable swabbing site (e.g. Public Health Preparedness Clinic, Regional Screening Centre (RSC) or polyclinics) for the test.

It is also normal to remain worried about contracting COVID-19 or affecting others even after you've been given a clean bill of health. If you have been taking the necessary COVID-19 safe distancing and precautionary measures but remain worried and feel that the worry has significantly affected or impaired your quality of life, you might need to speak to a psychologist or other mental care professional.

There are many ways to keep the mind healthy. We may engage in various physical, emotional or social self-care activities to soothe the mind. While exercising/doing sports is a way to keep the mind active and healthy, you may want to try journaling your thoughts down. Mindful writing is a way to communicate your feelings or thoughts through writing. Certain days may warrant overwhelming thoughts, and it may be challenging to shut these thoughts down. Penning these thoughts down will allow you to feel more present in the moment, and while doing so, you are emptying your mind and releasing your worries into words. You also become aware of what you are writing as the thoughts flow. The content of writing need not be as much; you can choose to pen down anything that occurred during your day. The goal is to free your mind from overcrowding thoughts, and in return, it keeps your mind healthy.

You may choose to allocate 30 - 60minutes each day, doing mindful writing. After the scheduled time is up, you may decide to revisit and address those pen-down thoughts the next day.

Numerous contents are posted daily on social media, and some of these contents may fuel various kinds of emotions and thoughts.

The stream of interaction provided by social media can alter the way we perceive information. Certain types of digital content (for example, if we are looking at a series of emotional posts) may evoke emotional responses. As a result, we could either feel disturbed or uncomfortable with what we had just viewed. However, where there are tangible results of digital content being harmful to us, certain types of content have their advantages. Watching pets or comedy videos may elicit joy in us, or reading quotes posted by different accounts may allow us to feel comforted. Hence, it is always important to surf the internet mindfully and be aware of the kind of content we are browsing through.

Supporting a loved one through his/her challenging times plays a pivotal role in their management of their depression.

What you can say: “You are not alone in this; I am here with you”. You can acknowledge, validate and encourage your friend’s feelings. Sometimes, your friend may want you to sit with her and feel your presence. At times, saying nothing and just being there can be comforting. You could be a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on. You can also encourage or suggest seeking help from a professional - a counsellor, psychologist or a support group. Avoid doing things like dismissing their feelings, downplaying how they react/feel, or being critical of their actions. Try not to take one’s actions or words personally. Try not to take one’s actions or words personally - remember that these are not targeted at you.

While you are supporting your friend, do not forget to check in with your own feelings. Being part of your friend’s support network is a significant commitment that can take its toll on you. Therefore, you might want to set your own boundaries to how much help you can offer. With all the love and support comes patience. Allow your friend to accept and receive your support at her own pace.