1 in 6 couples in Singapore face difficulties in conceiving naturally. Struggling with fertility stress can cause us to experience feelings of depression and low self-esteem, highlighting the profound impact this stress can have on our mental health. The adverse effects of fertility stress are far-reaching, impacting our mental health as well as putting strains on relationships with our partner, family and friends.
So what can we do to help with fertility stress?
Understanding Fertility Stress
Struggling to conceive is a deeply personal and emotional journey, and it is completely natural to feel stressed. Pressures of a ticking biological clock and societal expectations may leave you feeling a sense of loss, anxiety and hopelessness.
Stress is our body’s normal response to threatening or overwhelming situations and can result in both physical and mental responses. While we cannot completely get rid of stress, we can first gain a better understanding of it, which will help us learn to better manage it.
When we are stressed, our body releases hormones such as cortisol that can result in an imbalance of key reproductive hormones - estrogen and progesterone. This affects our ovulation and menstrual cycle, which could make it harder to conceive. High stress levels could also result in irregular menstrual cycles, making conception planning unpredictable. In extreme cases, stress can cause anovulation, where our ovaries are unable to release mature eggs.
So stress and fertility difficulties can result in a vicious cycle.
Struggles with fertility may result in distressing emotions like anxiety, frustration and sadness. This emotional toll in turn exacerbates stress levels which causes further disruptions in your body's physiological balance, making fertility challenges even harder to navigate.
For compelteness, other factors, like ovulation disorders, damaged fallopian tubes, or health conditions like endometriosis can also play a role.
Managing Your Fertility Stress with Psychological Strategies
Here are strategies we can adopt to regain a sense of control over our bodies. Let’s look at some of them:
1. Create (Small) Moments of Predictability
Try building in blocks of time where you have “fertility-free” times where you don’t track, research or talk about it. Set aside daily time blocks, morning or evening, for "fertility-free" periods. During these times, avoid tracking symptoms, researching, or discussing fertility. Creating mental space away from the topic can support emotional well-being.
2. Challenge Unfair Self-Criticism
A harsh, often irrational, inner critic tends to rear its ugly head when we think trying to conceive is something that we have control over, or responsibility for (fact: we don’t have control over our genetic or biological makeup). When the self-criticism gets too much, reflect on these critical thoughts and consider:
Ψ Would I say this such unkind words to a friend in my position?
Ψ Is this thought helpful or just punishing?
Ψ What would it mean to be “good enough” right now, instead of perfect?
3. Relaxation Techniques
Relaxation techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation and mindful breathing can help ease stress.
When we are stressed, our muscles naturally tense up, causing pain and discomfort. This in turn signals to our bodies that it is stressed and worsens the cycle of stress. In progressive muscle relaxation, you intentionally tense a group of muscles as you inhale, then release the tension as you exhale. You can repeat this process for different muscle groups to promote relaxation in your body.
Breathing techniques such as 4-7-8 breathing can also help with feelings of anxiety. Here are the steps:
Firstly, ensure you are sitting or lying down comfortably. Next, breathe in through your nose for 4 counts, hold for 7 counts, then exhale through your mouth for 8 counts. These relaxation exercises help reassure your body that it is safe, allowing you to feel calmer.
4. Building (and Relying!) on your Support Systems
You are not alone. Share about your difficult feelings with your partner or loved ones - fertility stress is not just a women’s issue; men can go through it too. Facing fertility stress together can make a big difference. Communicating how we feel can have a cathartic effect and prevents feelings of isolation.
You may also find comfort in joining fertility support groups like Fertility Support SG where you can connect with others who understand what you are going through and can offer encouragement during this journey.
5. Final Thoughts on managing fertility stress
Fertility stress can make everything harder.
The fertility process is not just a medical journey - it’s an emotional one, a relational one, and a deeply human one. You don’t have to go through it holding your breath. You can grieve, rage, rest, fall and get up when you’re ready, with supportive people by your side.
And if despite everything, you feel yourself struggling with, consider working with a psychologist to support you to:
Ψ Untangle complicated emotions like guilt, shame or resentment
Ψ Navigate conversations with your partner, family, or doctors
Ψ Reconnect with parts of your life that feel sidelined by fertility stress