The Hidden Stress of Trying to Conceive: Navigating Fertility Stress

In fact, 1 in 6 couples in Singapore face difficulties in conceiving naturally. Struggling with fertility stress may cause you to experience feelings of depression and low self-esteem, highlighting the profound impact this stress can have on our mental health. The adverse effects of fertility stress are far-reaching, impacting our mental health as well as putting strains on relationships with our partner, family and friends.  

Understanding Fertility Stress  

Struggling to conceive is a deeply personal and emotional journey, and it is completely natural to feel stressed.

The fear of the unknown future, pressures of a ticking biological clock and societal expectations may leave you feeling a sense of loss, anxiety and hopelessness. Stress is our body’s normal response to threatening or overwhelming situations and can result in both physical and mental responses. While we cannot get rid of stress, we can gain a better understanding of it, which may help us learn to manage it better.  

When you are stressed, your body releases hormones such as cortisol that can result in an imbalance of key reproductive hormones - estrogen and progesterone. This affects your ovulation and menstrual cycle, which could make it harder to conceive. High stress levels could also result in irregular menstrual cycles, making conception planning unpredictable. In extreme cases, stress can cause anovulation, where your ovaries are unable to release mature eggs.  

However, do not fret! While stress may pose as a challenge to fertility, research has not found that stress alone causes infertility. Other factors, like ovulation disorders, damaged fallopian tubes, or health conditions like endometriosis can also play a role. 

Stress and fertility difficulties can result in a vicious cycle. Struggles with fertility may result in distressing emotions like anxiety, frustration and sadness. This emotional toll in turn exacerbates stress levels which causes further disruptions in your body's physiological balance, making fertility challenges even harder to navigate.  

Managing Your Stress  

Fertility stress can feel overwhelming at times. However, there are strategies we can adopt to regain a sense of control over our bodies. Let’s look at some of them:  

1. Create Moments of Predictability

The fertility journey can feel like waiting in the dark. You may not be able to control outcomes or timing, but you can create steady rhythms that help you feel anchored.

Try building morning or evening rituals, blocking out “fertility-free” times during the week where you don’t track, research or talk about it, or rely on the usual cues that help you disconnect from the typical obligations (work) each day.

2. Challenge Perfectionism and Self-Criticism

A harsh, often irrational, inner critic tends to rear its ugly head when we think trying to conceive is something that we have control over, or responsibility for (fact: it’s not; we don’t have control over our biological makeup or systems). When the self-criticism gets too much, reflect on these critical thoughts and consider:

Ψ Would I say this such unkind words to a friend in my position?
Ψ Is this thought helpful or just punishing?
Ψ What would it mean to be “good enough” right now, instead of perfect?

3. Relaxation Techniques  

Relaxation techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation and mindful breathing can help ease stress.

When you are stressed, your muscles naturally tense up, causing pain and discomfort. This in turn signals to your body that it is stressed and worsens the cycle of stress. In progressive muscle relaxation, you intentionally tense a group of muscles as you inhale, then release the tension as you exhale. You can repeat this process for different muscle groups to promote relaxation in your body. 

Breathing techniques such as 4-7-8 breathing can also help with feelings of anxiety. Firstly, ensure you are sitting or lying down comfortably. Next, breathe in through your nose for 4 counts, hold for 7 counts, then exhale through your mouth for 8 counts. These relaxation exercises help reassure your body that it is safe, allowing you to feel calmer.

4. Support Systems  

You are not alone. Share about your difficult feelings with your partner or loved ones - fertility stress is not just a women’s issue; men can go through it too. Facing fertility stress together can make a big difference. Communicating how we feel can have a cathartic effect and prevents feelings of isolation.

You may also find comfort in joining fertility support groups like Fertility Support SG where you can connect with others who understand what you are going through and can offer encouragement during this journey. 

You are not failing. We know you are trying your best against all the odds.

Fertility stress can make everything harder. Your mental health matters during this process.

This is not just a medical journey. It’s an emotional one, a relational one, and a deeply human one. You don’t have to go through it holding your breath. You can grieve, rage, rest, fall and get up when you’re ready, with supportive people by your side.

You don’t have to carry this silently. If you’re wondering, a psychologist can support you to:

Ψ Untangle complicated emotions like guilt, shame or resentment
Ψ Navigate conversations with your partner, family, or doctors
Ψ Reconnect with parts of your life that feel sidelined by fertility stress

Getting help early isn’t weakness. It’s wise, protective and an act of care for yourself.