10 "harmless" things parents say that are actually emotionally damaging

EMOtional DAmage!  

Kids say the darndest things, but how about parents? In reality, some things we say that sound harmless are actually emotionally damaging to our children.  

Watch your words! Here are 10 things we want to avoid saying to our children.  

1. You’re getting fat. 

Shaming your child for their weight is not helpful. Doing so hurts their self-esteem and could even lead to body image issues.  

2. Why can’t you be more like your cousin?  

Perhaps you want to inspire them to model the behaviour of other children. But comparing your child to others may instead make them feel inferior. They may even choose to distance themselves from these “role models”. In the end, they lose the motivation to improve themselves.  

3. I sacrificed so much for you. Yet... 

Sure, you gave up years of your own time to raise your children. But that wasn’t their choice, so don’t blame them when you’re unsatisfied with your own life. Making them feel like burdens may instead stop them from sharing feelings and challenges with you.  

4. When I die, no one’s going to clean the house. 

This is another way we guilt-trip our children. Saying this makes them feel incapable of independence.  

5. You’re just like your father. 

Pitting our children against grown adults is unfair. Especially when we compare them to the negative qualities of that adult. Not only does this put the adult in a bad light, but the child may also be burdened by the qualities that they now think they have.  

6. Nobody will ever love you as much as I do. 

This might seem like we’re just expressing how much we love our children. In reality, we’re letting them know that they’re not worthy of love from others – it sounds like we are doing them a favour by loving them. It’s manipulative and toxic! 

7. Crying won’t change anything. 

Children cry when they are upset, and so do we. Telling them to stop crying dismisses their real feelings. Besides, it’s not easy to switch off your tears! 

8. This is so easy, why don’t you understand? 

Maybe the math is easy to you, but don’t belittle your child for not understanding! Doing so can hurt their confidence, lower their motivation to try again, and even lead them to develop negative beliefs about themselves. Instead, be encouraging and patient as they learn. 

9. Practice makes perfect. 

Pressuring children to be perfect sets them up against impossible standards! When they’ve worked hard but still fall short, they may feel inadequate – not because they failed, but because the expectations set were unrealistic for their age.  

10. Hurry up! 

Yes, your next appointment is in 20 minutes, and your child has barely put on a sock. But rushing them with a “hurry up” can make them feel stressed and slow. Instead, try saying “Let’s quickly put on your shoes”. A gentler and collaborative approach can build their confidence and empower children to work towards independence. 

As a parent, we want what’s best for our children – but the words we choose matter more than we may think. Children pay attention to the language we use and the comments we make can deeply affect a child’s self-esteem, emotional well-being and self-identify. By being more mindful and compassionate in our words, we can cultivate a safe and nurturing environment for our children where they feel valued, understood and empowered to grow.