Coping After Being Scammed: Healing and Self-Forgiveness

You’ve just been scammed. Your life turned upside down. Assuming that you’ve done all the practical things that need to be done, you’re here because you’re not taking it too well.

How are you doing? Are you feeling a mix of emotions, or nothing at all? Are you wondering why things turned out this way, or why this happened to you? Are you blaming yourself for what happened?

All that you’re thinking and feeling (or not), is normal.

We can’t take away what happened to you, nor cushion the loss that you had to, and will, suffer. But here, we’ll tell you the ways that helped people to bounce back and cope after they have been scammed:

Ψ Grieve

Give yourself a period of time to feel the pain, process the details of what happened and express the emotions. Let it out. Let yourself not be okay. Let yourself hurt from the betrayal. This is not an event that can be swept under the carpet and “moved on” from within the blink of an eye. You’ve suffered a loss, and regardless of the magnitude of this loss, there will need to be some re-adjustment in your life, when you feel ready. Maybe one day, things will seem okay again. But for now, it’s okay that it feels like a lot has, and will change.

Grieving and coping with significant events in our lives is also easier when we find comfort and support in the people we trust. So while it is tempting to hide away in shame, we genuinely advise against doing so. Find the people you know you can open up to, be vulnerable with, and share the pain that you’re going through. The people who genuinely care for your well-being will not shame or reject you for what has happened. They would see if they could help or support you in some way, particularly if they see that you are already suffering.

Ψ Forgive yourself

But how? How can we forgive ourselves for our foolishness? Or for the role that we had to inadvertently play, to have fallen for a scam?

What is truly foolish, is believing that it was foolishness that made you fall for the scam, rather than the clever and manipulative tricks that scammers use to ensure you fall directly into the traps they set. The numbers don’t lie, and the scammers don’t discriminate. Anyone can fall for a scam.

In order to forgive yourself, you need a few elements:

Ψ Put things into perspective and check the facts: What truly happened? How did the scammer convince you that they were legitimate? What tricks did they use to deceive you? What made you fall for the tricks? Was there pressure or an emotion that pushed you to trust what was said?

Ψ Stop criticising yourself: Notice when you’re labelling, attacking and telling yourself that you “could have prevented it”. These coulds, shoulds and what ifs do little to help you in this moment now that things have happened. Plus, the facts would likely tell you that no matter your objections, the scammer would have tugged you back into their trap.

Ψ Craft a recovery plan: How will you try to cushion the loss you suffered? How will you try to cope emotionally or financially? A full recovery might not be possible, and that may hard to accept. However, some level of recovery can take place with time, effort, and taking achievable steps forward.

Ψ Be kinder to yourself: When the thought “I am stupid” or “this is my fault” comes up, challenge these thoughts with the facts, your strengths, what you care about, and what you are going to work on.

Ψ But don’t forget

Being scammed can tell us many things about ourselves, and what might motivate or push us to act in different moments. It often teaches us the importance of pausing, seeking and being open to advice and help, in being vigilant when handling our personal information, and even evaluating how we trust or analyse information and people.

These lessons can be valuable to many others in our lives, and may come in handy for ourselves again. We know it’s unlikely that you will forget, but can you turn this negative experience into something positive for yourself or others?

By processing and understanding your emotions, working on and restoring your confidence, you will eventually regain control of your life.