As they share their stories, you might try to make sense of what happened. How could they trust a stranger? There might be the urge to question and comment on how they could be fall for a scam.
But Hold On....
Chances are, they already knew the warning signs. They probably read the news about scammers and the victims too. Yet, scams are designed to outsmart even the savviest people. We know that you care and want to help, but a lecture isn’t what they need now. They need your understanding, empathy, and support at this moment to help them process.
So, How Do I Approach This?
The best way to approach this is to guide the conversation gently and constructively. This means just being there to help them process their experience, offering emotional reassurance, and figuring out practical steps to move forward together.
Start by understanding what happened without rushing into solutions.
Ψ Show Your Genuine Care and Curiosity
Your loved one might not feel ready to share everything immediately. They could feel hesitant, withdrawn, or even overwhelmed after the incident. Scams often leave victims feeling vulnerable, so it’s understandable why they might feel so.
You can help create a safe and judgement-free space by asking open-ended and neutral questions. For example:
“How are you feeling now?”
“Do you want to tell me more about it?
Rather than asking them questions on how the scam happened (we know you’re curious!), give them space to share what they want, when they are ready. This shows that you genuinely care and are willing to give them room to share at their own pace. Remember to be patient, let them lead the conversation, and avoid pushing for answers.
Ψ Recognise and Validate Their Emotions
Once they begin to share, let them know their feelings are valid and it’s okay to feel embarrassed, angry, guilty, or devastated. These emotions are a natural response to a difficult experience.
Here are some useful phrases:
“It’s completely normal to feel upset about this. If this happens to me, I will feel the same too.”
“This doesn’t define you—scammers are incredibly skilled at tricking people.”
“You’re not alone. It happens to so many people, and it’s not your fault.”
By validating their emotions without judgment, you help ease the weight of shame or guilt they might be carrying.
Ψ Clarify the Details (Gently)
Victims of scams often face self-blame and shame. It would be completely normal for them to feel an array of thoughts and emotions. Gentle questions allow them to process the incident and all that has happened.
You can start off by asking “Do you want to talk more about how the scam happened?” to assess if they are ready for the conversation. If they are, you could try asking the following questions:
“Do you remember what they said or did to convince you?”
“Did they provide any links, documents, profiles or phone numbers?”
“What kind of payment were they asking for, and how did you make it?”
It’s okay if they don’t remember every detail or aren’t ready to share everything. The goal is to provide clarity without pressuring them.
How Can I Help Them Now?
Victims are often left feeling helpless or unsure of what to do next. You can find out if any steps have been taken and their current priority. Some questions you can use are:
“How can I help you now?”
“Have you contacted your bank?”
“Do you need me to accompany you to make a report?”
If they’re open to it, you could guide them through the steps of:
Reporting the scam on ScamShield or the Singapore Police Force
Contacting their bank to secure their accounts
Reminding them to update their passwords to ensure account safety
If they feel emotionally distressed, consider suggesting or practicing coping strategies with them.
Ψ Mindfulness: The S.T.O.P Technique
Victims often dwell on the past (how they were scammed) or worry about the future (what to do next). This technique helps them focus on the present:
S - “Stop what we are doing for a moment.”
T - “Take deep, mindful breaths together.”
O - “Observe your thoughts, emotions or bodily sensations (e.g., tension in the shoulder, chest tightness).”
P - “Proceed with what we can do next (e.g., address emotions, take practical steps or plan for the future etc.)”
Ψ Journaling
Encourage them to journal as a way to externalise their thoughts and process their emotions. They might start by acknowledging their experience, such as “I have been scammed, and I feel angry”. They can then write about what’s on their mind and reflect on questions like, “What would I say to a friend who went through this?” and “How can I be kinder to myself?”
Ψ Guide Them to Professional Help
Continue to check-in regularly to see how they’re coping. If the emotional or financial aftermath feels too overwhelming, suggest seeking professional support. For financial concerns, finding a support group with individuals in similar situations can provide a sense of solidarity. By doing so, it is a sign of strength and a journey towards recovery.
For emotional and psychological concerns, if self-help strategies don’t seem to be enough, it might be better to seek professional help from a psychologist or counsellor. These professionals can help them process any trauma or distress caused by the scam and offer tools to rebuild confidence, manage anxiety, and navigate the healing process.
For a deeper understanding of how to navigate this phase, they can explore more resources on How to Cope with Being Scammed (link).
Don’t Forget About Yourself
Supporting a loved one after they’ve been scammed can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to shoulder the burden alone. Scammers exploit emotions, and the responsibility for their actions is not yours to bear. If the situation feels too heavy, lean on someone you trust—a friend, family member, or professional to process your feelings of frustration, anxiety, or helplessness.
By prioritising your well-being, you’ll be in a better position to support your loved one. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s essential.
Video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOPz4_ryviE
