What Is Self-Harm?
For some, emotional pain may take the form of self-harm, through behaviours such as cutting, burning, hitting, biting, scratching or picking at the skin. Unlike suicide, self-harm is typically carried out without the intention to die. Rather, it is often used as a way of coping.
In Singapore, one Straits Times report noted that 1 in 4 young people said they had hurt themselves at least once in their lives. While self-harm is more commonly reported among adolescents and young adults, pain does not discriminate, and people of all ages and backgrounds can be at risk.
Why Do Some People Self-Harm?
There is rarely a single cause. Self-harm is usually shaped by a combination of emotional, psychological and environmental factors.
Common motivations include:
To deal with overwhelming emotions
To feel something when one feels numb or disconnected
Punishing oneself due to guilt or shame
Distracting oneself from intrusive or distressing thoughts
Regaining a sense of control when life feels chaotic or unpredictable
In the short term, these behaviours can bring a sense of relief. Understanding how that relief happens can clarify why self-harm may become a repeating pattern over time.
Why Is It Hard to Stop?
Once self-harm becomes a way of coping, it can feel difficult to interrupt.
One proposed explanation involves how the body responds to pain. When injury occurs, the body releases naturally occurring opioids as part of its pain-regulation system. These chemicals help reduce physical pain, and they are also involved in regulating emotions. Their activity may temporarily lower intense feelings such as distress, anxiety, or emotional overwhelm, creating brief relief.
Although that relief is short-lived, if it comes quickly after the behaviour, the brain may learn that the action helped reduce distress. Over time, this can reinforce the pattern, making self-harm more likely to recur during future episodes of emotional intensity.
A cycle may gradually develop:
Emotional distress rises
The urge to self-harm increases
Temporary relief follows
The behaviour becomes reinforced
This is not a failure of willpower. It reflects a coping response that can become strengthened over time, including through biological processes involved in pain and emotion regulation.
Getting Help
Ψ If Someone You Know Is Struggling:
Disclosure is often a significant step. Many people who self-harm do not tell anyone because they anticipate judgement or alarm. If someone chooses to tell you, it usually reflects trust.
It is natural to feel worried, upset or unsure how to respond. However, reacting with panic, anger or urgency can unintentionally shut the conversation down.
Avoid:
Interrogating with detailed questions
Demanding promises to stop immediately
Minimising their experience
Responding with visible shock or distress
Instead:
Thank them for trusting you
Listen calmly and without judgement
Allow them to share at their own pace
Acknowledge that stopping may feel complicated
Encourage professional support gently
You might say:
“I’m really glad you told me. I can imagine this isn’t easy to talk about.”
“I want to understand what it’s been like for you.”
A steady, compassionate response makes it more likely they will continue to reach out rather than withdraw.
Ψ If You Are Struggling:
Stopping self-harm is often a gradual process, and professional support can help. Alongside this, the following steps may be useful:
Talk to someone you trust.
Doing this alone is harder. Sharing even a small part of what you are going through can reduce isolation.
Clarify your reasons for wanting to stop.
Writing them down can help steady you when urges feel intense.
Notice your triggers.
Pay attention to the feelings, situations, or thoughts that tend to come before self-harm.
Prepare alternatives in advance.
When urges rise, it can be hard to think clearly. Having a short list ready can help. You may find our coping strategies helpful: 25 Things to Do Instead of Self-Harming
If you are at risk of harming yourself, or feel unsafe, it is important to get help straight away. In Singapore, you can contact:
Samaritans of Singapore (SOS): 1767
National Mindline: 1771
Or head to the nearest hospital A&E department
Recovering from Self-Harm
Recovery from self-harm looks different for everyone. For some, it means stopping completely. For others, it involves reducing the behaviour, understanding triggers, and strengthening overall wellbeing.
It is rarely as simple as deciding to stop. There may be setbacks, and urges can continue even after periods without self-harm. This is common.
With time and support, many people find that the intensity of those urges begins to lessen. Change may not happen all at once, but it can happen — and you do not have to navigate it alone.