Life can be challenging. We face people, situations, and environments that test our patience, coping capacity, and emotional strength. Yet one of the biggest sources of stress is not the situation itself. It is where we place our focus.
The idea of the “Sphere of Concern” helps us make sense of our worries, where they come from, and how they affect us, while showing a path towards calm, effective action.
What Is the Sphere of Concern?
The Sphere of Concern includes everything you care about or worry about, whether you can change it or not.
It might include things like:
What other people think of you
World events, inequality, climate change
A partner’s thoughts or behaviour
Your past mistakes
Things you wish were different
These are things that affect you emotionally, but you might not have any real control over them.
That’s why worrying about them can feel heavy, overwhelming, or stuck.
Example:
You might spend hours thinking, “Why did my colleague reply in that tone?” or “What if people think I’m not good enough?”. These thoughts feel urgent, but you cannot directly control another person’s opinions or moods.
What Is the Sphere of Influence?
Inside the bigger circle of concern is a smaller circle, the Sphere of Influence.
Your Circle of Influence includes the things you can actually affect, where your decisions, actions, or mindset matter:
Your daily routines
Your reactions and responses
How you communicate
Healthy habits you choose
Setting boundaries
Asking for help
When we focus on this smaller, but powerful circle, we build confidence, clarity, and meaningful change.
Example:
You cannot control whether your boss is stressed, but you can influence how you respond. You might say, “I just want to check if I understood the task correctly,” instead of assuming criticism and internalising the comments. You may also find it helpful to read the article on Managing a Difficult Boss for ideas on how to navigate your relationship with your boss.
What Is the Sphere of Control?
Inside the Sphere of Influence is an even smaller space, the Sphere of Control.
This is where you have direct choice, right here and now.
While you may not be able to control other people, the past, or global events, you can control:
Your words
Your actions
Your effort
Your personal values
Your self-care
Your boundaries
How you choose to respond to difficult emotions
This is the space of personal responsibility and power. It may seem small, but it is where real change begins.
Example:
Instead of saying, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” when you receive critical feedback or an upsetting message, you might tell yourself, “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I can take a breath and slow down.”
Why It Matters?
Imagine carrying a backpack full of things you cannot control. That is heavy.
Now imagine putting into it only things you can do something about. It feels lighter and easier to carry.
That’s what focusing on influence feels like.
When we spend most of our energy on things we cannot change, we get:
Anxiety
Frustration
Feeling stuck
Emotional exhaustion
But when we intentionally focus on what we can influence, we build:
Confidence
Motivation
Greater emotional balance
Real progress
How to Shift From Concern to Influence
Here are steps you can use to notice which circle you’re in and bring your attention back to what matters:
1) Notice Your Worries
Take a moment to write them down:
“I’m worried about how people see me.”
“I can’t stop thinking about what happened last year.”
Which of these can you actually control right now? For further guidance, you may also refer to the article on Managing Anxiety, Stressors, and Worries.
2) Ask Yourself: Can I Influence This?
Gently categorise each worry:
Influence
My own reactions
My daily habits
My communication style
Concern only
What someone else thinks
What happened in the past
Things outside your control
3) Take Small Steps Inside Your Influence
Even small actions matter:
Practice a calming routine
Set a boundary
Ask someone for support
Schedule time to rest
Learn a new skill
Slow, steady focus inside your circle of influence actually expands it over time.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
A common example might be:
Concern: “I’m worried my friend is upset with me.”
You cannot control how they feel…
Influence: You can choose how you respond:
Send a caring message
Ask a gentle question
Reflect on your part
You cannot guarantee their reaction, but you are choosing connection over anxiety.
A Gentle Reminder
Focusing on your Circle of Influence does not mean you do not care about the world or other people. It means you are directing your energy where it can actually make a difference, to your wellbeing, relationships, and life.
You do not have to fix everything. Just what is within reach.