Impulsivity is a common challenge during adolescence. Acting quickly, saying things in the heat of the moment, or struggling to pause before reacting can create problems at home, school, and in relationships. For many teens, it is not a lack of intention. It is a skills gap.
The teenage brain is still developing, particularly the areas responsible for planning, decision-making, and emotional regulation. This means strong emotions can override thinking more easily. The good news is that impulse control can be learned.
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, often known as DBT, offers practical, evidence-based tools that help teens slow down, regulate emotions, and make more thoughtful choices. Here are some of the DBT skills that could be beneficial for teens:
1. Distract to Reset: Wise Mind ACCEPTS
When urges feel strong, distraction is not avoidance. It is a strategic pause that gives your brain time to settle.
Try these options:
Activities: Watch a show, play music, draw, go for a walk, tidy your room
Contributing: Help a friend, do something kind, support a sibling
Comparisons: Remind yourself of a time you coped before or how you have grown
Emotions: Shift your mood with music, humour, or movement
Pushing away: Mentally “set aside” the problem for now
Thoughts: Count, read, or focus on a puzzle
Sensations: Hold ice, take a shower, squeeze a stress ball
Example:
You feel like sending an angry message. Instead, you put your phone down and go for a fast walk while listening to music. Ten minutes later, the urge feels less intense.
2. Calm Your Senses: Self-Soothe
Your body and emotions are closely connected. Using your senses can help you feel safer and more grounded.
Use the six senses:
Vision: Look at calming images, nature, or photos
Hearing: Listen to music or soothing sounds
Smell: Use a favourite scent, like lotion or coffee
Taste: Eat something you enjoy, mindfully
Touch: Take a warm shower, hug a pillow, wear comfortable clothes
Movement: Stretch, dance, or go for a gentle walk
Example:
After an argument, you feel restless and upset. You take a warm shower, play calming music, and sit with a blanket. Your body begins to relax, and your thoughts slow down.
3. IMPROVE the Moment
Sometimes you cannot change the situation right away. But you can change how you experience it.
Try IMPROVE:
Imagery: Picture a calm, safe place
Meaning: Ask yourself what you can learn from this moment
Relaxation: Breathe slowly or release muscle tension
One thing in the moment: Focus only on what you are doing right now
Vacation: Take a short mental or physical break
Encouragement: Use supportive self-talk
Example:
You are overwhelmed with school stress. Instead of spiralling, you take a 15-minute break, sit outside, and tell yourself, “I can handle this one step at a time.”
4. Use TIPP for Intense Emotions
When emotions feel overwhelming, you need fast tools that work with your body.
TIPP skills help regulate your nervous system:
Temperature: Splash cold water on your face or hold something cold
Intense exercise: Do short bursts of activity like jumping or running
Paced breathing: Slow your breathing, making the exhale longer
Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and release muscles
Example:
You feel like you might explode during an argument. You go to the bathroom, splash cold water on your face, and take slow breaths. Within a few minutes, your body begins to calm down.
5. Build the Pause
All these skills have one shared goal: creating a pause between feeling and action.
That pause allows you to:
Think more clearly
Choose your response
Avoid actions you might regret
Over time, practising these skills strengthens your ability to stay in control, even during stress.
Tips for Parents
Parents play a key role in helping teens develop impulse control.
Model calm behaviour: Teens learn more from what you do than what you say
Avoid lecturing in the moment: Wait until emotions settle
Validate first: “I can see you’re upset” goes further than correction
Encourage practice: These skills work best when used regularly, not only in crisis
A Note for Teens
If you struggle with impulsivity, it does not mean you lack discipline or maturity. It means your brain is still learning.
Every time you pause, even for a few seconds, you are building emotional strength. Every time you choose a skill over a reaction, you are strengthening resilience.
You do not have to get it right every time. Progress happens through practice.