Yet, participating in a meal can feel excruciating for those who experience social anxiety. We are confined to a spot (with no easy escape), and the pressure to belong and make conversation can feel overwhelming. However, eating together is also an essential way to network or bond with others. Let us explore how we can cope with our social anxiety :
Pause and reflect
A saying goes “ Worry keeps you busy but brings you nowhere”. It could help to identify our specific fears and other repeated “habits” that arise in social situations.
Pause and reflect on what triggered your anxiety:
Was it thinking “Am I boring?” when someone let out a yawn
Feeling overwhelmed when there were too many people!
Or feeling judged by a passing comment
Let us jot down our fears so that we know what to work on.
Prepare
Has the thought “I’m boring… I have nothing interesting to talk about or contribute” crossed your mind? We can prepare conversation topics by reading up on current events, the latest books, movies, or games. Alternatively, we can also recall recent memories or personal anecdotes that we are comfortable to share with others. Note these down so that we can refer to them during our meals!
Relaxation techniques
Conversation topics? Check. But what about our emotions? To help manage them, here are some useful relaxation techniques:
Take slow and deep breaths; and focus on them.
Notice our emotions with curiosity; instead of self-judgment.
Practice progressive muscle relaxation by slowly tensing and then relaxing different muscles in your body, one at a time.
Find the techniques that work best for you and practise them before you head out!
Sit firm!
Do you tend to feel daunted by social obligations and meals that it feels “too much”? Let’s start small and dine with one or a few people whom we feel relatively more comfortable with. During the meal, remember to use your prepared conversation topics and employ relaxation techniques to bear with the stress.
Focus on others
“Am I appropriately dressed?”, “Am I chewing too loudly?”. There are so many things about ourselves that we can pick on and be critical about. But...What if we focused on others instead? Some things to consider include:
What is one thing you like about their appearance or outfit?
Does their food look tasty?
What emotions are they experiencing that you are noticing?
As a bonus, we may even comment on them to keep the conversation going!
Clarify
If someone says “You seem quieter today .”
You could clarify “Why do you think so?” to give an explanation rather than assume they are thinking negatively of you.
When in doubt, it may be helpful to clarify rather than assume the worst of their intentions or views of you. The person could have been just making an observation or expressing concern rather than judging you.
Practice makes progress!
Let us try to have regular meals with others, and when comfortable, consider increasing the size of the group or initiating meals with people whom you’d like to get to know better.
May we all be able to build meaningful connections over food, without excess anxiety.