When one partner seems less interested in sex, it can quietly take over the relationship. You may start wondering what changed, whether you did something wrong, or whether it means something more serious.
In Singapore, this experience is far more common than people realise. More than half of women of reproductive age have reported difficulties with sexual desire or satisfaction.
There’s no fixed rule for how often couples should have sex, or how long a dry spell should last. What matters more is whether one or both partners feel distressed or disconnected, and whether intimacy has become pressured, tense, or avoided altogether.
If this sounds familiar, it’s important to know this first: low sexual desire does not mean you or your relationship is broken.
Common reasons intimacy becomes difficult
Stress and mental load
Long work hours, caregiving, family responsibilities, and constantly “holding things in your head” can leave very little energy for intimacy. When someone is exhausted, sex is often one of the first things to drop.
Performance pressure
Sex can start to feel like something you have to do rather than want to do, especially when trying to conceive, or when one partner worries about disappointing the other. Pressure tends to shut desire down, not bring it back.
Emotional disconnection
When conversations stay practical or surface-level, or when important feelings go unspoken, it becomes harder to feel close and intimacy often fades with that distance.
Differences in baseline sexual interest
Some people naturally have a lower interest in sex. This isn’t a fault or a problem on its own, but mismatched needs or expectations can create tension if they’re never talked about.
How to talk about intimacy without adding pressure
Rather than trying to “fix” desire, it’s often more helpful to focus on connection, safety, and understanding. These conversations don’t need to be perfect — sometimes, one sentence is enough to open the door.
1) Start with closeness, not sex
When sex feels like the goal, pressure goes up and desire often shuts down. Starting with simple closeness helps both partners relax and feel safe again.
Try: “Can we just cuddle and talk tonight? No pressure for anything else.” or “I just want to be close to you, it doesn’t have to lead anywhere.”
2) Say it without blame
How you start the conversation matters more than how long it is. Focusing on your feelings keeps your partner from feeling attacked or defensive.
Try: “I miss feeling close to you,” or “I’ve been feeling a bit distant lately and wanted to talk about it.”
3) Acknowledge effort
When this topic has come up before, your partner may already feel like they’re failing. Naming effort helps lower defensiveness and keeps the conversation collaborative.
Try: “I know you’ve been trying, and I really appreciate that.” or “I can see this hasn’t been easy for you too.”
4) Take pressure out of timing
For some couples, scheduling helps. For others, it makes sex feel like a deadline. When “something should happen tonight” hangs in the air, it adds stress. Instead of planning when sex happens, focus on shared moments that rebuild connection first.
Try: “Let’s just spend time together and see how we feel.” or “How about a walk or dinner first, with no expectations?”
5) Make life lighter outside the bedroom
Desire is hard to access when someone feels overwhelmed or depleted. Practical support can help reduce stress and create space for connection, not as a trade-off for sex, but as care.
Try: “What’s one thing I can help with this week?” or “I’ve got tonight, you go rest.”
When to seek support
Even if you still love each other, it can help to get support when you feel stuck in the same cycle around intimacy. If low desire is causing ongoing distress, speaking with a psychologist or therapist can help.
With small, steady changes and the right support, many couples find a way back to closeness without shame or pressure.