When Your Boss Triggers Your Anger and Exhaustion
Having a difficult boss can quietly wear you down. You might notice your chest tightening on Sunday nights, your patience thinning in meetings, or your mind replaying conversations long after work ends. If this sounds familiar, you’re not weak or overreacting. You’re responding to stress that hasn’t been given space to settle.
How This Affects Your Mental Health
Working under a difficult boss can trigger a range of emotions. You might feel anxious, undervalued, or even start doubting your own abilities. Over time, this can chip away at your confidence and leave you feeling emotionally drained.
“The same situation can feel stressful to one person and manageable to another.”
What feels manageable to a colleague might feel overwhelming to you, and that is completely valid, as everyone has different individual factors that contribute to their stress. Your feelings are not a sign of weakness. They are signals worth listening to.
What You Can Do Internally to Cope?
Pause before you respond. When your boss says something that stings, give yourself a moment. Take a slow breath. Notice where you feel tension in your body. This small pause creates space between the trigger and your reaction, helping you respond rather than react.
Reframe criticism as information. This is not easy but try to separate your personal worth from feedback about your work. For example, if your boss questions a report you submitted, remind yourself: "This is about the document, not about who I am as a person."
Prepare for difficult conversations. If you need to raise a concern, write down your key points beforehand. Choose a calm moment, perhaps after a Monday morning meeting when things feel settled. Use gentle language like, "I would like to understand your expectations better" rather than "You were unfair."
Create small recovery rituals. After a tense interaction, do something grounding. Step out for a short walk around your office building. Get a kopi from the pantry. Send a quick message to a supportive friend. These small acts help your nervous system settle.
If stress is building, bring it back to your body. After a tense meeting, step into the stairwell and take one slow breath in through your nose, one longer breath out through your mouth. Let your shoulders drop. On the train ride home, place both feet on the ground and notice the seat supporting you. Stress lives in the body. So does relief.
What Can You Do Externally to Cope?
Clear communication matters, even when it feels uncomfortable. If something is affecting your work, approach it as a discussion, not a confrontation. Choose a calm moment. Use “I” statements to describe impact rather than intent. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when priorities change at the last minute because I want to do the work well.” This keeps the door open instead of raising defences.
When expectations feel blurry, ask for structure. A short weekly check-in or a follow-up email after meetings can create steadiness. In Singapore’s fast-paced work culture, clarity can be protective, not demanding.
Support matters more than we realise. Having a colleague to reality-check with over kopi or lunch can remind you, “It’s not just me.” Trusted allies can offer perspective, strategies, and sometimes speak up when you can’t.
Keep records if things feel off. Jot down dates, words used, and how situations affected your work. This isn’t about building a case out of anger. It’s about protecting yourself if you need support later.
It also helps to look inward without blaming yourself. Ask, “How do I usually respond when I feel tense or criticised?” Some people withdraw. Others over-explain or become defensive. Small adjustments, like asking for clarity earlier or summarising expectations in writing, can reduce friction and help you feel more grounded.
If nothing changes and your well-being continues to suffer, it’s okay to ask for help. A senior leader, HR or a psychologist can help you think through next steps. And sometimes, the healthiest choice is movement. This can look like hanging teams or leaving a toxic environment.
What If You Fear Speaking Up?
It is natural to worry about how your boss might react if you voice concerns. The key is approaching the conversation as a discussion, not a confrontation. When you communicate calmly and without defensiveness, you reduce the likelihood of a negative response. You may read our articles on Why Someone Rubs You The Wrong Way and Managing Conflicts in a Relationship.
When to Seek Professional Support
If you have tried these strategies and still feel overwhelmed, anxious, or notice your mental health declining, it may be time to speak with a professional. Consider reaching out to a counsellor or your company's Employee Assistance Programme (EAP). In Singapore, services like your workplace HR department or community mental health resources can offer guidance. There is no shame in asking for help. Sometimes, having an objective person to talk to can make all the difference.
A Gentle Note
Managing a difficult boss is hard work, and it is okay if you do not get it right every time. Be patient with yourself. Your wellbeing matters, and taking steps to protect it, however small, is something to be proud of. You deserve to feel safe and respected at work.