Over the past 50 years, gender roles have changed in ways that would have been difficult to imagine a mere generation ago. Women’s lives have expanded across education, work, finances, and family roles. These shifts have been necessary and frankly, long overdue.
For many men, however, the transition has been less clear.
In the therapy room, I often hear men describe a sense of overwhelm and disorientation. They are trying to be emotionally present partners, involved fathers, and high performing colleagues, while still feeling judged by self-imposed expectations of masculinity. They are expected to adapt quickly, often without guidance or permission to struggle along the way.
This tension sits beneath what is increasingly described as the male loneliness epidemic.
Loneliness among men rarely looks like complete isolation. More often, it appears as emotional distance, irritability, numbness, or a sense of moving through life without feeling deeply connected to anyone. Men in therapy tell me they are surrounded by people, yet feel unseen.
These experiences are not signs of personal failure. They reflect the psychological strain of living in a world where roles have shifted, but emotional expectations have not caught up.
Are More Men in Singapore Feeling Lonely?
Recent data suggests that loneliness is becoming more common among men in Singapore, particularly younger adults.
A 2023 survey by the Institute of Policy Studies found that adults aged 21 to 34 reported higher levels of social isolation and lower companionship than older age groups. Half of those surveyed were men.
Singapore’s suicide statistics tell a similarly sobering story: in 2023, nearly 69% of suicide deaths were among men. Suicide is complex and shaped by many factors. Still, this imbalance reflects the weight many men carry quietly, often without feeling able to speak openly about it.
In therapy, men often say something similar: “I have people around me, my wife, my kids, my friends, but I don’t feel like I can really talk to anyone.” The loneliness they describe is not about being alone. It is about not feeling emotionally met.
How Changing Gender Roles Contribute to Male Loneliness
Gender roles have changed, but emotional rules remain unclear
Many men grew up with messages about being strong, self-reliant, and composed. Today, they are also expected to be emotionally aware, communicative, and supportive. These expectations are not incompatible, but they are rarely explained in ways that feel achievable.
Men are encouraged to open up, yet often sense that there are limits to how much vulnerability is acceptable. Too much emotion can still feel risky. Over time, this leads many men to keep parts of themselves hidden, even in close relationships.
When emotional expression feels unsafe or confusing, connection becomes harder to sustain.
Carrying traditional responsibilities alongside new expectations
Despite social change, men are still widely expected to succeed professionally, remain financially stable, and appear emotionally steady. At the same time, they are now also expected to contribute more emotionally at home, to be attuned partners, and engaged parents.
Many men are trying to hold all of this at once.
What is often missing is acknowledgement of how heavy this load can feel. When men struggle, they may interpret it as a personal inadequacy rather than a natural response to competing demands. This self-judgment can deepen withdrawal and make it harder to ask for support.
Masculinity in the age of constant comparison
Social media has subtly reshaped how men see themselves.
Daily exposure to images of success, confidence, fitness, and idealised family life creates a steady backdrop of comparison. These portrayals are rarely representative, but they can feel persuasive. Many men quietly wonder why others seem to be managing so much more effortlessly.
When inner struggles do not match outer appearances, men often retreat rather than reach out. Loneliness grows in silence, especially when comparison replaces connection.
Loneliness Across Different Life Stages
Loneliness affects men across the lifespan, though it tends to look different at different ages.
Younger men may prioritise work and financial stability, leaving little time or energy for friendships. Older men may experience shrinking social circles due to retirement, health changes, or loss.
Research from Duke-NUS shows that loneliness remains common among older adults in Singapore, even among those living with others. This reminds us that emotional connection matters as much as physical presence.
Loneliness is not about how many people are around us. It is about whether we feel understood, valued, and emotionally safe.
Making Sense of Loneliness, Gently
It can be hard to convince men to seek help. But many men feel a sense of relief when loneliness is spoken about, in the quiet and without judgment. In therapy, the work is often quiet and gradual.
It involves recognising that the reasons for their loneliness is not a flaw, but as a signal that something important is missing. It may involve reflecting on what kinds of relationships feel nourishing, and which ones feel draining or performative. Connection often grows through small, consistent experiences: shared interests, mutual respect, moments of feeling genuinely heard. These moments do not need to be dramatic to matter.
Taking steps toward closeness can feel uncomfortable at first. That discomfort does not mean something is wrong. It often means something meaningful is being attempted.
You Do Not Have to Carry This Alone
Many men have adapted quietly to changing roles, rising expectations, and constant comparison.
And speaking about it is not a rejection of strength. For many men, it is the first step toward a more sustainable way of relating to others and to themselves.
If you find yourself feeling emotionally disconnected, unsure of where you belong, or simply tired of holding things together alone, support is available. Change often begins not with answers, but with one honest conversation.