The Pressure to Be Perfect: Managing Personal Expectations at Work

High expectations, especially the ones we place on ourselves, can fuel anxiety, burnout, and a constant sense of falling short. While it’s natural to want to do well, unrelenting pressure can take a toll on your mental wellbeing. Here are five practical ways to manage high expectations at work and feel more grounded. 

1. Manage the Expectation Gap  

The gap between what we expect and what actually happens is often where disappointment lives. At work, this might show up when a task takes longer than you thought or when unexpected obstacles arise.  

Instead of pushing yourself harder to meet the original plan, pause and reassess. You could reframe your mindset to: "I’m doing the best I can with what I have today," or "I’ll adjust my timeline based on what’s realistic now." This helps reduce pressure while still allowing you to stay productive. 

2. Focus on the Process 

Managing high expectations often means shifting your focus from outcomes to the process. When you fixate on a specific end goal, like landing a promotion or hitting a certain milestone, it’s easy to feel discouraged if things don’t go exactly as planned. Instead, try setting process-based goals that emphasise consistent effort and growth. 

For example, rather than saying “I must get promoted this year,” you could say, “I’ll keep building my skills and take on meaningful challenges.” This approach makes success feel more within reach, because it’s based on actions you can control. By focusing on your own progress and celebrating small wins along the way, you reduce pressure and build a stronger sense of self-worth. Let the process be the goal and trust that results will follow in their own time. 

3. Limit Social Comparison 

Comparing yourself to colleagues or people on social media can easily raise the bar for what you think you should achieve, often leaving you feeling like you’re not doing enough. But what you’re seeing is usually a filtered version of reality: successes are highlighted, while struggles are left out. When you constantly measure your worth against someone else’s visible achievements, it can create unnecessary pressure and undermine your own sense of progress. 

To manage this, try being mindful of your online habits. Take occasional breaks from social media, especially when you notice it affecting your mood. You can also mute or unfollow accounts that spark feelings of inadequacy. Instead, make space for voices that feel authentic and encouraging. Remind yourself that everyone’s journey looks different and just because it’s not posted doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable. 

4. Coping Ahead of Time   

Coping ahead means preparing just enough to feel steady, without trying to control everything. It’s about making a simple, realistic plan—one that helps you feel ready without exhausting yourself in the process. 

Instead of over-rehearsing before a big meeting, you might say to yourself: “I’ve reviewed the main points and thought through a few possible questions. That’s enough.” This balanced mindset helps reduce anxiety and builds trust in your ability to handle the unexpected. It’s not about being perfectly prepared, it’s about knowing you’ve done what you can, and that’s okay. 

5. Practise Radical Acceptance  

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, things just don’t go as planned. Radical acceptance means choosing to acknowledge reality as it is, without fighting against it. It doesn’t mean giving up, it means releasing the added stress that comes from trying to change things beyond our control.  

For example, if you worked hard on a project but didn’t get the recognition you hoped for, it's okay to feel disappointed. At the same time, you can accept the outcome and focus on what you can do next, rather than getting stuck in frustration. Acceptance allows space to grieve, reset, and move forward (Try it out here: Achieving Acceptance – A 3-minute Guided Therapy). 

Managing high expectations at work isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about creating space for compassion, flexibility, and mental clarity. By shifting your focus and embracing the present moment, you can show up at work more grounded and less overwhelmed. However, if you're struggling to manage your stress or burnout, don’t be afraid to seek help! Speaking with a psychologist can be helpful as they can help you explore these tools more deeply and tailor them to your situation. Remember, you are not alone!  

You are Not Alone: The Role of Social Support in Mental Health Recovery

The road to mental health recovery is not an easy one. However, having the right support around you can help ease the burden.  

Social support refers to the network of people including your family, friends and community members who you can rely on during challenging times. Humans are social creatures, and we need to feel a sense of safety and belonging to live a fulfilling life. In fact, social support is strongly linked to our happiness levels and can even increase our life expectancy by 45%. This reflects how powerful social support is in our mental health journey.  

So, what is Social Support? 

Social support can come in many shapes and forms but at its core, it is the idea of “community”. You may choose to rely on your friends and family, or even support groups in the community you live in. Social support encompasses various forms:  

1. Emotional Support – Offering understanding, validation and reassurance to alleviate feelings of isolation and loneliness (e.g. hugs, active listening) 

2. Instrumental Support – Being physically available to help them with practical tasks and responsibilities (e.g. doing housework, delivering meals, running errands) 

3. Informational Support – Providing guidance in the form of advice or insights to help the individual make informed decisions when navigating challenges (e.g. legal, medical, financial advice) 

4. Appraisal Support – Building up the individual's self-esteem or confidence through encouragements and positive framing (e.g. pointing out the individual's strengths) 

Each type of social support enhances mental health recovery and acts as a protective factor, preventing further declines in your mental well-being. In the 2016 Singapore Mental Health Study, individuals with a strong social support system had better mental health outcomes. Being surrounded by people who love and care for you can build your mental resilience, drastically improving your mental well-being.  

Challenges in Accessing Social Support 

Despite the growing awareness of mental health, many individuals in Singapore still lack adequate social support. This is partially because symptoms of anxiety and depression can cause people to withdraw from social circles, making it harder for them to engage with social support. Furthermore, many do not seek support due to fear of judgment, rejection or simply a lack of awareness about available resources. These barriers, fueled by the persistent stigma around mental health, prevents individuals from receiving the support they need. Addressing these challenges is essential to building a more mentally resilient and supportive society.  

Take a moment to reflect on your social support system. Ask yourself: 

• Who is trustable that I can turn to for emotional support? Do I feel comfortable opening up to them? 

• Are there any relationships in my life that make me feel drained or unsupported? 

• How can I be a better source of support for others in my life? When others share their troubles with me, do I make a conscious effort to create a meaningful connection with them? 

Social support is a fundamental stepping stone to recovering from a mental health challenge. It fosters a sense of belonging, safety and validation, empowering the individual on their journey of mental health recovery. While social support has profound benefits, it is often insufficient in dealing with mental health challenges. When dealing with a mental health disorder, it is crucial to seek advice from a mental health professional. With social support alongside professional help, you can be empowered to manage mental health challenges in a healthy and effective way. 

Battling Imposter Syndrome

Now something that may or may not be a secret: The ones who care about their achievements, performance or abilities the most, usually have the strongest imposter syndrome.

I mean, have you ever doubted your ability to brush your teeth, chew your food or even blink?

We know imposter syndrome is annoying to deal with. It drives us to go above and beyond what we need to do to feel 'competent’. We’re then told we are indeed competent (by working very hard to prove ourselves), but the imposter syndrome and self-doubt only gets stronger.

Do we deserve the recognition? Were we just lucky?
“Pretty sure others are more deserving than me. I’m not as good as they think. I’m really just winging things.”

Seriously, you’re not the only one. Don’t believe that you are.

Look, maybe there are some magical humans in the world who’ve never experienced self-doubt before. Or maybe they did, and they didn’t think much of it. The fleeting moments of self-doubt disappear so quickly that they weren’t aware of it. Some tell you they’ve never doubted themselves and can’t relate to your feelings.

Great, now you feel silly. Well, in actuality, all you found is someone you shouldn’t speak to about self-doubt and anxiety.

You see, the average human (apparently up to 82% of us) has experienced imposter syndrome. So don’t let it discourage you from finding someone you feel safe enough to talk to about your thoughts and feelings.

Okay, fine. I’ll accept that I can experience it and it’s normal. Now what? Help me get rid of it!

Hold your horses, do you really need to?

Since we’re all about sharing secrets here: imposter syndrome is not entirely bad (actually, it’s not even a syndrome). It’s okay to experience anxiety and fear. It’s okay to have negative thoughts about yourself. It’s okay to be doubtful sometimes.

What is not okay is letting the anxiety, fear, or negative thoughts, take over and prevent you from setting healthy limits to your workload, allow you to discount your achievements, or even compel you to turn down deserving opportunities. If you’re thinking of doing any of these, here are our tips for you:

Ψ Take a second, and zoom out.

Consider what brought about this wave of anxiety and self-doubt.

Was there a new and unexpected challenge you’re facing? A new responsibility? Have you only just started out in whatever job or environment you’re in? What are the expectations of this job or task? Are these expectations coming from you (i.e., thinking you need to ace this, and that you can’t fail) or from others (i.e., your boss telling you this is an important job)?

More importantly, are the processes or requirements to meet the expectations clear? Do you know what the action steps are to get the job done ‘satisfactorily’? If so, are these realistic?

Ψ Gather objective feedback.

Don’t rely on only one source. Consult multiple trustworthy persons to gather feedback or evidence of your abilities or performance. This includes mentors, managers, work colleagues, friends, family and even past employees who may have been in a similar position.

Ask them for advice. Ask them how long it took. Ask them what was required to do things well. Ask them whether they think what you’ve been doing is sufficient or whether you’re on the right track. If the feedback is generally positive or reassuring, then you know. You’re the only one doubting yourself.

Ψ Commit to trying and learning.

Maybe a part of you just doubts your abilities. Maybe the feedback tells you that you’re not “there” yet, although you have potential. Maybe your achievements are indeed shared with other contributors. Maybe there are genuine reservations in accepting a promotion.

Rather than resign yourself to “yes i’m just an imposter”, take it as a sign that your mind (or heart) is telling you it wants to grow. Spur yourself to try, learn, fail, and grow. But set realistic limits, expectations, a timeline, and commit to taking action - regardless of the outcome.

Ψ Remember there are other sides of you, and life.

Spend time cultivating different interests and skills. Meet new people with unique perspectives. Read different types of material or explore new hobbies. Invest time with the “old” things that still matter - loved ones, hobbies, priorities.

Life isn’t so black-and-white. Don’t confine your self-worth to only your achievements or abilities. You can care about them, while caring about many other things. So it’s okay to give it a little less weight when it’s too heavy. No one said you can’t!

How to Deal with Passive Aggressive Colleagues

But what exactly is passive aggressiveness? 

Passive aggressiveness occurs when a person harbors negative feelings towards an individual and expresses those feelings in an indirectly harmful manner.

A person may feel negative feelings such as anger or jealousy, but instead of communicating honestly, they mask their emotions through indirect hostility.

These are some examples of displays of passive aggressiveness at the workplace: 

• The silent treatment 

• Chronically procrastinating on tasks 

• Intentionally neglecting their share of the workload or shirking responsibilities as a form of “retaliation” 

• Withholding information 

• Disguised insults and non-compliments 

• Downplaying or ignoring other people’s achievements 

• Sarcasm 

• Spreading rumors 

• Being silent, sulky, sullen and resentful to get attention or sympathy 

Passive aggressive behaviors are usually not immediately recognizable as “aggression”. After all, it is easier to notice aggression when people lash out at you. However, in the workplace, such behaviors create a toxic workplace environment, which comes along with a host of negative consequences such as burnout and lowered morale. Considering all these negative consequences, it is therefore important for passive aggressiveness to be carefully and effectively dealt with.

How should I respond to a passive aggressive colleague?

Responding to a passive aggressive colleague is tough and a great deal of patience is usually needed. This often comes with a hefty amount of stress and anxiety on your end too. However, equipping yourself with these skills goes a long way in making you a more confident and effective person!

Ψ Remove the reward

With many kinds of behaviors, a person will be more likely to engage in an action again if it is met with reinforcement. In the context of workplace passive aggressiveness, if you respond to a colleague’s behavior by going tit for tat, your response may actually end up reinforcing that colleague’s behavior such that it becomes even more likely for them to engage in passive aggressive behaviors again.

It can be difficult to resist the urge to respond to provocations by similarly being sarcastic or saying “it’s fine” when it actually is not. However, doing so is unlikely to get you anywhere and may even further escalate the conflict by perpetuating the person’s bad behavior. Instead, try to focus on keeping cool so you will remain composed and not act impulsively. The best way to achieve this is by giving the person objective, emotionally neutral responses whenever appropriate. For example, instead of using “you”, use first-person pronouns such as “I”, “we”, and “our”.

Ψ Ensure that expectations and deadlines are clearly and explicitly set at the start of any task or project

This is a good habit to carry out regardless of whether you have a passive-aggressive colleague or not. After all, communication is key! Ensure that you communicate diligently and set crystal clear expectations on the scope, expectations, and deadlines of any given project. To do this, confirm any discussions that you have about deadlines and actions in writing, send follow-up emails after meetings, or draft a performance agreement.

When this occurs, reasons such as “I did not know” become less plausible and it increases behavioral accountability. By ensuring that all communication is clear and understood by everyone, a passive-aggressive colleague will have to take responsibility for their own actions and have fewer opportunities to blame others for their mistakes.

Ψ Try to adopt an empathetic approach and understand the reasons behind their actions  

Why is your colleague acting this way? Do they derive happiness from making others feel manipulated? It might be easy to simply write off their behaviors as being due to a nasty personality or intentionally being difficult. However, studies have found that passive aggressive behavior is often driven by deep seated fears of being rejected, a lack of self-esteem, as well as insecurity or as a maladaptive way of handling conflicts. When we take on an empathetic approach, this enables us to better understand why people act the way that they do, and to select a more appropriate means of responding.

Ψ Create a Safe Environment

Finally, foster an environment where your colleagues know that it is safe for them to raise concerns and issues with you in an open, direct, and constructive manner, rather than in covert ways. Let your colleagues know that they can always approach you if they are facing any problems rather than letting them bubble beneath the surface. 

Of course, you will have to walk the talk too! You can create an encouraging and supportive workplace culture by fostering genuine, positive relationships with your colleagues.

Should you have any concerns about the well-being of your work team or wish to further support your employees, our Employee Assistance Program (EAP) aims to help employees in Singapore, from staff to managers, manage work- and personal-related issues that may otherwise result in a negative impact on their emotional well-being and job performance.

Burnout: The Secret Ingredient

Why Some People Get Burnt Out While Others Don’t

Do you dread going to work and feel exhausted by it?
Do you think that you are unable to perform at work?
Have you become more cynical or critical at work? 

If your answer to any of these questions is a “yes”, you might be experiencing burnout. These are the three dimensions characterizing burnout in an occupational context.

Burnout is not a psychological disorder, but an occupational phenomenon that negatively affects a person emotionally, physically, and mentally due to chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.

Burnout affects 37% of Singaporeans in the working world. People working in high-intensity and emotionally taxing jobs, such as healthcare and law, are more susceptible to experiencing burnout. So what causes burnout to occur? 

Factors that can lead to burnout:

• Work-life imbalance  

• Perceived lack of control in job-related decisions 

• Dysfunctional workplace dynamic  

• Lack of social support from family and friends 

• Unrealistic expectations from higher-ups 

• Lack of recognition for work done 

• Long working hours  

“I’m burnt out, so what? So is everyone else right?”

Job burnout has significant consequences on both our physical and mental health, e.g. increased vulnerability to illnesses, alcohol or substance misuse, insomnia, and depressive symptoms. Professional consequences such as job satisfaction and absenteeism may arise as well. These consequences have detrimental impacts on our lives and it ought to be taken seriously. Burnout is unlikely to resolve by itself and will only worsen if it is not addressed. It can last from weeks to even years! Therefore, we should take active steps to prevent burnout or address burnout as soon as possible and seek help whenever needed.

Everyone experiences stress at various points in our lives and we know that stress often leads to burnout. If that’s the case, why doesn’t everyone experience burnout? Why do some people get burnt out while others do not?

The secret ingredient is emotional intelligence (EI).

Emotional intelligence is the ability to control the emotions of oneself and others, to distinguish them from each other, and to apply this information to guide one’s own thinking and action. Research has shown that people with high EI tend to better cope with stress and achieve individual success, thereby preventing burnouts, while people with low EI are more likely to experience burnouts.

Understanding Burnout: The Role of Emotional Intelligence and How it Helps Prevent Burnout

1. The ability to accurately perceive, assess, and express emotions 

Being self-aware of your emotions helps in understanding the sources of your feelings, attitudes, and rationales, as well as their effect on others. This will enhance your ability to seek different responses and avoid pent-up negative emotions that would lead to burnouts.  

2. Using emotions to enhance cognitive processes

Changing our perspective of a situation can help relieve stress as we see a troubling issue as just a problem to solve. Directing our negative emotions such as anxiety and frustration into problem-solving mode rather than allowing the situation to affect us during and after work will prevent us from feeling stressed up constantly. The ability to think before you act in an emotional event would allow you to find suitable solutions more quickly and apply emotional resources reasonably, thus minimizing the possibility of failure. 

3. The power of empathy 

Empathy enables us to recognize, understand, and care about others and their emotional reactions. As we experience the world through others’ perspectives, we enhance our ability to gain trust and influence others. This means that we are likely to find the help we need when our stress level gets out of hand.

4. Regulating emotions to manage stress and preven burnout.

Adjusting our perception of the work environment and the emotional stimuli from the environment enable us to remain calm, control impulses, and behave appropriately under stress. This prevents us from acting rashly or making any impulse decisions. Some people can even regulate the intensity and duration of certain emotional experiences to accomplish what they want to achieve.

“Well, I understand that emotional intelligence is important, but what should I do to cope with burnout? What can I do to manage my emotions?”

Fret not, we’ve got some advicefor you!

Practical Tips to Manage Stress and Avoid Burnout:

Ψ Be kind to yourself: reducing self-imposed pressure

We often put immense pressure on ourselves to do better at work or to seem productive at all times, especially for those who have high expectations of themselves. Many times we overthink or become anxious for situations that have yet to come or might not even happen at all. We understand that sometimes we can't help but place high levels of stress on ourselves, especially in a society that places a great emphasis on performance and to always be prepared. However, it is equally important to treat yourself kindly. We should strive to strike a balance between performance and our well-being. Performance is important, but without you, there can be no performance. We should celebrate our small victories and milestones, not be afraid to take breaks whenever necessary and practice mindfulness when we catch ourselves overthinking or being anxious, as we continue to work hard through our journey. 

Ψ Embracing mindfulness to combat burnout

Engaging in mindfulness practices is proven to reduce anxiety and relieve stress, and is increasingly used to reduce the risk of burnouts. Here is an example of a mindfulness activity that you can practice for a few minutes each day: To stay focused on your breath flow, and be fully aware of your senses and feelings at the moment. This can be hard at first, but practice makes perfect! This practice would allow us to face situations with an open mind and remain calm, fully aware of our thoughts and emotions so as to act rationally and come up with suitable solutions.

Ψ Know your limits, managing workload effectively

It is important to know how much workload you can take on just like knowing how much you can eat in a meal. You can get indigestion if you eat too much and similarly, you will suffer consequences when you overestimate your abilities. Discuss with your supervisor to reach a compromisation of work to be done and expectations to be met, or seek help if the demands are beyond your capabilities. Set goals and to-do lists based on the urgency and important matrix to avoid being overwhelmed with work all the time.  

Ψ Change your perspective of the situation

Do you perceive the situation to negatively impact the things that you value? Or do you see it as just another problem to solve at work? Reevaluating your perspective to determine whether you are feeling distress or eustress can greatly influence your stress level. An issue that causes you to be stressed out at work can be seen as a challenge to improve yourself that should not bother you after work. 

Ψ Seek social support to overcome burnout

Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it! Reach out to any of your family members, friends, or co-workers whenever you feel overwhelmed. The support you can get from them might just be what you need to pull through. If your company provides an employee assistance program, don’t be afraid to take advantage of such services. You may also wish to seek professional help with one of our clinical psychologists to help cope with your burnouts or any other issues you have affecting your mental health!

You are not alone. Annabelle Psychology is home to Care for Yourself™ - an employer-funded Employee Assistance Program. This program provides employees and managers with access to counselling and psychological services based in Singapore to help them manage personal and work-based issues. For more information, click here.

Dealing with Work Stress

中文版

When stress becomes excessive.

Navigating Work Stress

It is important to know that it is normal to feel stressed from time to time. Some people find that stress is an excellent motivator at work, but there can be too much of good thing.

Sources of Work Stress

There are many reasons why work might be a source of stress. Perhaps a relationship at work is causing us sleepless nights, or we were passed over for that promised promotion, or our ever-increasing workload has become a problem. In our new reality, given that working from home has become part of our working lives, we might struggle with working from home because of an unconducive home environment. Or perhaps we might struggle from how different everything has become after the pandemic.

Whatever the reason, it’s important that we identify and address these stressors. Do any of these symptoms of unhealthy stress apply to you?

Identifying Unhealthy Stress Symptoms

Work Stress Management: Strategies for Maintaining Mental Wellness

If work is causing you to experience unhealthy levels of stress to the point that it impedes your daily functioning, there are some practical steps you can take to address work stress:

Ψ Speak to your employer. Have a conversation with your line manager and openly discuss any problems you’re having at work. Stress often decreases your ability to work productively – your supervisor has an incentive to ensure your health and comfort. 

Ψ Talk to a trusted friend or family member. Often times, accepting help from loved ones could allow you to manage stress better. You might feel better if you have a strong support system to rely on when things feel difficult. 

Ψ Establish boundaries. Consider some level of separation between your personal and professional life. For example, not being contactable at weekends or not checking work e-mails at home. Establishing a work-life balance takes time and effort, but the results will pay off eventually. 

Ψ Take some time off work. It is important that you take time off for yourself occasionally. Doing this prevents overwork and burnout. Disconnecting in a way that fits your needs and preferences allows you to return to work in a better state. 

Ψ Reconsider negative thoughts. When you’re stressed, it’s easy to develop tunnel vision. You might start overgeneralising (e.g. everyone is always like this), magnifying (e.g. I couldn’t do this and therefore I’m incompetent), or minimising (e.g. My boss complimented me but I’m sure he didn’t mean it). These thinking patterns are unhealthy and may lead to further stress. But with conscious effort you can reconsider and reframe negative thoughts, thereby relieving stress. 

Ψ Develop healthy coping mechanisms. It might be tempting to crack open a beer or reach for another cigarette, but these coping mechanisms might lead to negative consequences like poorer health. You might consider exercising more often or other relaxation methods to deal with your work stress instead. 

If you do not find that these methods work for you or if you are concerned about the high levels of stress you are facing at work, our clinical psychologists at Annabelle Psychology are here to help and work with you in an empathetic and collaborative manner to help you best cope with the stressors you experience at work. Should you have any inquiries, please feel free to contact us and find out more!