What is grief?

Grief can be one of the hardest pains a person can experience, yet it is also one of the most natural kinds of suffering. In life, we love. And of what we love, some of them, we will inevitably lose.

Grief does not only follow death. It can arise after the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, a home, ability, or even a sense of purpose. When a loss is significant, grief can leave us feeling stuck in the past and overwhelmed by emotions.

While there is no single right way to cope with grief, some notes can be found here: A Brief Note on Grief. In addition, many experts find that grief rituals offer a grounding way to move forward.

What is a grief ritual?

A grief ritual is an intentional activity with structure and meaning. When grief feels chaotic, rituals can bring a sense of order and make intense emotions feel more manageable.

Research suggests rituals can help by giving grief a clear beginning and end, offering a way to express emotions when words are hard to find, and restoring a sense of control during a time that can feel helpless. They can also help you stay connected to what has been lost, without forcing “closure”. Over time, repeating a ritual can create steadiness and predictability, helping you process grief at your own pace and honour what mattered.

| When you say their name, you are not reminding me that they died, you are letting me know you remembered that they lived. — @untangle grief

Creating a personal grief ritual

A grief ritual works best when it feels like yours. It does not need to be elaborate. It just needs to be intentional and safe, so your grief has somewhere to land. If doing this alone feels too difficult, you can also do a grief ritual with a spouse or trusted friend.

1) Choose a meaningful object

Pick something that carries the loss, or represents it. For example:

a photo, letter, piece of jewellery, clothing, or a gift

if it is not about a person: an old ID pass, notebook, or uniform

if nothing fits: a small object from nature, like a stone or flower

2) Make it sacred

Set it apart from everyday mundane tasks. You can do that by:

doing it in a special place or date

lighting a candle

reciting a prayer, mantra, or intention

Following the same steps in the same order can help your mind and body feel more contained, especially when emotions are overwhelming.

3) Add movement

Grief lives in the body as well as the mind. Movement can help with emotional expression. You can try incorporating:

a slow walk

stretching

moving to one meaningful song

repetitive movement, such as pacing or folding something with your hands

4) Interact with the object

Rather than simply having the object present, use it in some way. You might:

hold it, speak to it, or write what you could not say

place it somewhere meaningful

release it safely, if that feels right

The goal is not the object itself but giving your emotions a place to go.

5) Close and return when needed

End with something small and intentional, then return to your day:

a breath, a phrase, or a short prayer

extinguishing a candle or placing the object away

Over time, repeating the ritual weekly, monthly, or on meaningful dates can make it steadier and more comforting.

Examples of grief rituals

Done alone

Situation: Joanna is grieving the end of a relationship with her long-time partner. What lingers most is not just the loss, but everything she never got to say.

Joanna writes a letter to her former partner expressing what was never said.
She chooses a quiet evening, plays an album they used to listen to, and begins writing.
She takes the letter with her on a walk until she reaches a tree in an empty field.
At the tree, she reads the letter aloud once, then tears it up and buries it.
She presses the soil flat and walks home. She returns to that spot when the feelings surge again, not to reopen the past, but to remind herself she has already let it out.

Done with a loved one

Situation: Benjamin and Carrie lost their mother. She loved baking, and the bread she made when they came home is one of the things they miss most.

They take out her handwritten bread recipe and the loaf tin she used.
They choose to bake on their mother’s birthday. They clear a small space on the counter, lay out the recipe, and begin the same way each time.
They mix and knead slowly. The repeated motion gives their hands something to do while their mind catches up, and they let whatever comes up come up.
While the dough rises, they each speak a few honest lines, not a speech, just what is true that day.
When the bread is done, they eat a slice with intention and put the recipe back in its place. They repeat the ritual once every year.

A gentle note

| “You do not get over grief. You can only learn to walk alongside it.” - Unknown

A grief ritual will not take away your loss, but it can help you learn how to carry it. If your grief feels overwhelming, unmanageable, or linked to depression or suicidal thoughts, please seek professional support. You do not have to go through this alone.