ANNABELLE PSYCHOLOGY
周泳伶临床心理诊所
clinical psychologists
Simple, meaningful practices to help you cope, honour, and keep going
Grief can feel unpredictable, heavy, and hard to hold. A grief ritual is a small, intentional practice that gives your emotions somewhere to land. From lighting a candle to writing a letter or taking a mindful walk, simple rituals can help you honour what mattered and find steadier ground, one day at a time.
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There’s a kind of tired that sleep doesn’t fix.
If you’re part of the sandwich generation, you know this well.
The sandwich generation carries a quiet, relentless weight — raising children while caring for ageing parents, juggling responsibilities that never seem to end. This article explores the unspoken guilt, fatigue and loneliness many experience, along with gentle, practical ways to reclaim rest, share the load and seek support. You are not failing; you are human, doing your best in circumstances few truly understand.
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EMDR is a type of therapy that supports people in healing from trauma or emotionally overwhelming experiences. Developed by psychologist Dr Francine Shapiro in the late 1980s, it is now widely recognised for its effectiveness in treating post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other challenges like anxiety, grief, and phobias.
Instead of talking through a memory in detail, EMDR focuses on helping your brain process it in a different way. During sessions, you’ll briefly bring a distressing memory to mind while engaging in bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements, tapping, or sounds, which alternates between the left and right sides of the body. This process is thought to support the brain’s natural healing, reducing the emotional charge of the memory and making space for healthier beliefs.
When we go through something overwhelming, our brain does not always process it properly. EMDR helps the brain finish that process. With the help of a trained therapist, you gently revisit the memory while using bilateral stimulation. This combination is believed to help rewire how the memory is stored, so it feels less distressing over time. Some researchers suggest that EMDR works in a similar way to REM sleep. That is the part of sleep where your brain naturally sorts through emotions and experiences. Over time, EMDR can reduce emotional distress, shift negative self-beliefs, and build emotional resilience.
EMDR is a great option for anyone who’s still feeling the emotional weight of something that’s happened, whether it was recent or years ago. If something is still affecting your daily life, mood or self-esteem, it might be worth exploring. EMDR is commonly used to support people with:
Trauma, PTSD, and Complex PTSD (c-PTSD) (e.g., accidents, abuse, violence, natural disasters)
Anxiety and Panic Attacks
Phobias
Depression
Grief and Loss
Low Self-esteem or Negative Self-beliefs
Chronic Stress or Burnout
Performance Anxiety (e.g., in work, sports, or the arts)
Attachment and Relationship Difficulties
A lot of people turn to EMDR when they have tried talk therapy but still feel stuck. It offers another way in, especially for experiences that feel hard to put into words.
EMDR typically follows a structured process, but your therapist will go at a pace that feels right for you. Here’s a simple breakdown of what the journey could look like:
Your therapist will get to know your history, current concerns, and what you hope to achieve in therapy.
In this phase, you’ll learn calming and grounding techniques to help manage any strong emotions that arise during the process.
In phase 3, you will focus on a specific memory and identify a few key elements related to the memory:
A vivid image that represents the memory
A negative belief you hold about yourself in relation to it (e.g. “I’m not safe” or “It was my fault”)
Any emotions or physical sensations that come up when you think about it
You will also choose a positive belief you'd like to adopt going forward, such as “I did the best I could” or “I’m safe now.”
While focusing on the memory, you’ll engage in bilateral stimulation (such as eye movements or tapping). This helps the brain process the memory and reduce its emotional intensity.
During this phase, your therapist will help you strengthen a positive belief related to the memory, supporting a more adaptive perspective.
You will be asked to notice how your body feels while thinking about the memory and the positive belief. This helps identify if any physical tension or discomfort remains, as the body can hold onto stress even after the memory feels less upsetting. If discomfort remains, further EMDR processing may be done to resolve it fully.
Each session ends with techniques to help you feel calm and grounded. You’ll also prepare to manage any feelings that arise between sessions.
In the following sessions, your therapist will review your progress, revisit targets if needed, and help you plan the next steps.
Now that we’ve explored how EMDR works, who it may benefit, and what a typical session could look like, you might be wondering how it compares to more traditional forms of therapy. While both EMDR and talk therapy aim to support emotional healing, they differ in how they approach distressing memories and the pathways they use to promote recovery. The following comparison highlights some of the key differences between the two.
Whether you're ready to start or just want to explore your options, we’re here to help. If there’s something in your past that still weighs on you, EMDR could be a powerful way to move forward. Feel free to get in touch with us to learn more or book a consultation.
It feels like the world has been split into “before” and “after”. Nothing is easy. Nothing makes sense.
When a loved one passes by suicide, the grief that follows is complex. It brings pain, confusion, and often a sense of unfinishedness, like pages were ripped out of a book you weren’t done reading.
You might be asking questions no one can answer. Or feeling emotions that seem to contradict each other: sadness, guilt, anger, even relief, and then guilt again for feeling relief. It’s common. And it doesn’t make you a bad person. Or a bad friend, partner, or sibling.
Grieving after suicide is different. Let’s talk about how to survive it, piece by piece.
You may notice your emotions shifting rapidly. Shock, regret, rage, deep sorrow, numbness. Grief after suicide rarely feels linear.
This is partly because suicide loss carries what we call disenfranchised grief, which is grief that isn’t always openly acknowledged. People don’t know what to say. They avoid the topic altogether. That silence can make you feel even more alone in your pain.
It helps to name what you’re feeling, even just to yourself.
“I’m furious and I miss them.”
“I feel guilty, even though I know it’s not my fault.”
These are complex truths, and they can coexist.
After suicide, the mind often goes into detective mode: Was there a clue I missed? Was there something I could have done?
This kind of thinking is natural. It’s a way our brain tries to regain control after something that feels senseless.
But suicide is almost never the result of a single moment, or a single failure. It’s often the culmination of prolonged internal distress that the person may have hidden well. Hindsight can make things look clearer than they ever were at the time.
Guilt and responsibility are heavy burdens to carry but they’re not the same as truth. Acknowledge the desire to believe that you could have done more. But remind yourself it is not realistic.
Grief has a way of isolating us. You may feel like no one could possibly understand, or that it’s easier to stay quiet. But staying connected, even in small ways, is protective.
Talk to someone who can sit with your pain without rushing to fix it. It may be a friend, a therapist, or someone in a support group who’s walked this road too.
If words are hard, you can start with presence. Sit beside someone. Share a cup of tea. Let yourself be around people who make space for you as you are.
When someone dies by suicide, there is often no goodbye, no closure. You might be left with unsaid words or unresolved hurt.
Creating your own rituals can help bridge that gap. You might write a letter, light a candle, revisit a shared place, or do something they once loved doing. These are ways of continuing bonds, something grief researchers have found can help the healing process.
Remembering the whole person, their humour, their kindness, their struggles, can help shift your focus from how they died to how they lived.
Grief doesn’t just affect your thoughts. It can show up physically. Fatigue, heaviness in your chest, disrupted sleep or appetite changes.
It’s okay to rest more. To eat simple meals. To let yourself do less.
Some people find movement helpful, like short walks, stretches, even just stepping outside for a few minutes. Others find comfort in breathing exercises or grounding techniques (like naming what you see, hear, and feel in the present).
Caring for your body while grieving isn’t about “fixing” anything. It’s about creating small moments of safety, or “normalcy”.
Sometimes, especially with traumatic or sudden loss, the pain can tip into despair. You might find yourself overwhelmed with thoughts you didn’t expect, or a numbness that feels frightening.
If this happens, please reach out. Call a helpline. Speak to a psychologist. Let someone know that it’s too much right now.
You don’t have to wait until you're “really struggling”. There’s no threshold of suffering you need to meet before you ask for support.
You may not believe this now, but the pain won’t always feel this raw. Over time, many people find that their relationship with the loss changes.
You may begin to remember with more warmth than pain. You may speak their name again. You may laugh without guilt. These are not signs you’ve “moved on”. They’re signs you’re learning to live alongside the loss.
Grief is not something to “get over”. It’s something you live with. And in that living, you can still find joy, meaning and connection.
If you’ve lost a loved one to suicide and are struggling to cope, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
You are surviving something deeply painful. And you deserve care through it. Let us know if you need a listening ear.
Music can be comforting, especially when they resonate with our pain and suffering. Countless singers and songwriters have written songs reminding us that we are not alone, even in the darkness.
We couldn’t possibly give you 10 songs about feeling alone or wanting to not be alive, and not give you another 10 songs with messages about fighting these feelings. From a variety of genres, we hope you enjoy our curated list!
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“Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief is the terrible reminder of
the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable.”
- Nick Cave
“Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief is the terrible reminder of the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable.” - Nick Cave
Feelings of helplessness is prevalent when it comes to trying to comfort someone in grief. From our psychologists, here are things to say (and not to) when someone you know is in grief.
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“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark than walk alone in the light.”
- Helen Keller
When someone you care about is struggling with their mental health, the “right” words can feel hard to find. You may worry about saying the wrong thing, or feel pressure to fix what they’re going through. This guide shares 10 simple, supportive phrases you can use to show up with care, validate their experience, and offer steady encouragement, without judgement or forcing solutions.
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ChatGPT is all the buzz lately – an artificial intelligence (AI) chatbot that can help with everything from programming to writing essays (*cough*) and even song lyrics (Jay Chou fans, this song is definitely worth a listen).
With its sophisticated responses and continual technological advancement, ChatGPT 4 has surpassed many previous versions of AI chatbots, raising the question of whether it could one day replace human experts.
It's tempting to take the easy way out and simply say that ChatGPT can never replace human experts – something that ChatGPT seems to agree with. But as any trained psychologist will tell you, the answer isn't always so simple.
It all depends on your unique needs and circumstances. There are many factors that come into play when deciding whether a chatbot is sufficient. So, before you make a decision, consider the pros and cons and evaluate what's best for you.
This article isn't going to cover everything, but we're going to highlight some key circumstances where an AI chatbot might be a viable option for your mental health difficulties.
ChatGPT can serve as an easy introduction to seeking a psychological service. You can use it as your first line of defense, to learn about your symptoms or practice coping strategies. You could say anything you would like to ChatGPT without fear of judgment or reproach. It acts as a safe (virtual) space.
ChatGPT is a convenient way to quickly obtain information about a mental health disorder or symptom. It is also an easy way to read up about the types of psychological therapeutic modalities such as CBT, DBT, Schema, or ACT.
A basic description of each modality usually accompanies the write up, and you can ask ChatGPT for exercises or examples of how to incorporate an exercise in your daily life.
Here is one useful description:
"CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is a type of psychotherapy that focuses on changing negative patterns of thinking and behavior to improve mental health and well-being. CBT is based on the idea that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interconnected, and that negative thoughts can contribute to negative emotions and behaviors.”
If these strategies prove insufficient, you may then be more inclined to consider seeking help from a psychologist.
If you're struggling to access psychological services in your community, ChatGPT may be a platform you have to consider. For example, if you live in an area with limited psychological services, or if you have financial difficulties.
ChatGPT is affordable, convenient, stigma-free, and can be accessed anytime, anywhere, but it is essential to remember that ChatGPT is not a trained psychologist or counsellor and cannot replace one.
Remember that there are many free and low-cost public and community resources available in Singapore. Here are some examples:
Community Psychology Hub
Changi General Hospital
Family Service Centres
Shan You Counselling
Singapore Association for Mental Health
Yet… There are several circumstances when it is highly recommended you speak to a psychologist or any mental health professional instead of an AI chatbot.
If you are experiencing a severe mental health crisis that poses a risk of harm to yourself or others, please seek immediate attention and intervention from a qualified professional.
While ChatGPT can be a helpful resource for understanding symptoms of mental health concerns, it is not designed or equipped to handle such emergencies.
On the other hand, mental health professionals go through years of rigorous training and supervision to be able to appropriately handle such situations.
Complex or severe mental health conditions typically result in a significant impairment in the ability to function in daily life. Things like concentrating, being productive, socialising, can seem difficult.
Comprehensive and often intensive therapeutic approaches may be required to effectively improve functioning. ChatGPT would not have the ability to provide such in-depth intervention. This is when connecting with a qualified mental health professional can provide you the necessary care and support.
The resources offered by ChatGPT are likely to be broad-based and will not provide the level of depth and personalization that you might need to effectively implement strategies in your life. You may need more specific guidance and details that it cannot provide.
Moreover, ChatGPT's understanding of the human condition, including context, morals, and spirituality, is limited to available data and research, which means it might not fully comprehend the unique needs and circumstances of each individual user.
In contrast, a psychologist has focused training and understanding of how social and cultural values differ per person; how responsibilities can influence intervention strategies; how some individuals lack a supportive home environment to foster good mental health. A psychologist takes these diverse factors into account and designs a personalized therapy plan that caters to the individual's needs.
AI and language processing models are rapidly advancing, creating the potential for chatbots to "replace" or supplement certain microinterventions that do not require a lot of therapist contact or empathizing. While this is subject to legal, data, and privacy concerns, ChatGPT can be a useful resource for microinterventions such as goal-setting, progress tracking, and psychoeducation.
However, chatbots still struggle with understanding context, family background, trauma, biopsychosocial factors, and individual differences - essential factors that psychologists study for years to holistically assess mental health struggles from different perspectives.
All in all, chatbots lack the human connection and understanding that many users desire. However, they present unique benefits in mental health education that should not be dismissed. Combining chatbots with traditional modalities can result in effective intervention. While clinical research is ongoing in adapting psychotherapy techniques into different modalities, psychologists have already started using digital platforms for psychotherapy. As technology continues to evolve, it will be fascinating to observe how chatbots can be further integrated into mental health care.
Emotions are at the heart of what it is to be human. Emotions connect us to every object, person, and event we have come across in our lives.
The lack of emotion would mean that we would not be able to develop relationships and connect with others or have sympathy or empathy.
Emotions are at the heart of what it is to be human. Emotions connect us to every object, person, and event we have come across in our lives. The lack of emotion would mean that we would not be able to develop relationships and connect with others or have sympathy or empathy.
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How do I help someone who lost a friend or family to suicide?
In 2019, 400 lives were lost to suicide in Singapore, and suicide is the leading cause of death for those aged between 10 – 29 years old.
It can be challenging to support someone who has lost a family or friend to suicide. What should I say? What if I say something that only makes them feel worse? Should I even say anything? These worries are perfectly understandable. After all, many people struggle to talk about suicide. While we may feel awkward or uncomfortable when talking about suicide, this should not stop us from showing support and offering assistance.
Here are 3 key areas that that we will cover below that will guide you in your efforts to support someone who has lost a friend or family member to suicide: Being a good listener, the do’s and don’ts of what to say, and warning signs to look out for.
One of the most helpful things you can do for a grieving person is to simply lend a listening ear. This means to sit with him/her and listen to their feelings in a non-judgemental manner without imposing your personal opinions. Do not try to problem solve either.
ACTIVE LISTENING is a great way of doing so!
While our conversation partner is still speaking, we often get caught up in trying to formulate our response. A consequence of this is that we end up failing to fully grasp and understand what the other person is trying to convey. Instead of trying to find the right words, it is more important to let the grieving person express themselves and share with you the nature of the loss. Here are some useful tips on being a good active listener to a grieving person:
Accept all feelings. Let him/her know that is okay for them to cry in front of you, break down, scream, or even laugh. They may be struggling with a whole array of new and even conflicting emotions like guilt, despair, blame, anger, and regret. These can be uncomfortable emotions, but it is better to let them out rather than bottling it up. Accept the emotions that they are experiencing and know that it will pass. There is no correct way to feel about loss. Ultimately, the person should feel free to express their feelings in a space that is free of judgement, argument, or criticism.
Silence is okay. Be prepared for moments of awkward silences. Do not force the person to speak if they are not ready to. Instead, be willing to be present and show that you are ready to listen when they are ready to speak.
Offer comfort without minimizing or trivializing the loss. Statements such as “It could be worse” do not help. Do not give unsolicited advice, claim to know what the person is feeling, or compare your grief with theirs. Such words are rarely helpful. Instead, let the person know that what they are feeling is okay and that it is a normal reaction to the situation.
Acknowledge the situation and check in on how the grieving person is feeling. Do not assume to know or understand how the person is feeling. Assumptions often worsen the situation as they invalidate a person’s intense emotions. Instead, start off by acknowledging the situation so the person knows that you are willing to openly discuss the loss they have experienced. Next, give them the opportunity to express their feelings. For example, “I heard that ___ died by suicide. I’m sorry to hear this happened and I’m here when you need me. How are you feeling?”
Reflecting and paraphrasing. This is a really useful way to show the grieving person that you are hearing their story! It helps to foster a better empathetic connection, which makes the person more comfortable in continuing to share their thoughts and emotions with you. For example, the person might say “I don’t even know where to start, everything feels terrible.” In response, consider saying something along the lines of “It sounds like you feel very overwhelmed and upset, this situation is taking an emotional toll on you.” See how you would be reflecting their underlying emotions back to them?
Do not use cliches or platitudes to comfort. We often feel compelled to comfort the grieving person by saying things such as “time will heal” and “they are in a better place now”. While it comes from a place of good intentions, such words can minimize the depth of the person’s pain, leaving them feeling misunderstood and more isolated. Instead, check on how they’ve coped so far and explore what resources they've tried so far.
Samaritans of Singapore Hotline: 1800 221 4444
Institute of Mental Health’s Helpline: 6389 2222
Singapore Association of Mental Health Helpline: 1800 283 7019
You can also find a list of international helplines here.
It is not uncommon for a grieving person to feel depressed, angry, or disconnected from others. These emotions usually decrease in intensity over time. However, it might be indicative of a bigger cause for concern if the intense emotions don’t subside over time and the person does not appear to be capable of coping with the overwhelming emotions on a day-to-day basis. They may also display significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, interpersonal, or other important areas of functioning. Here are some other warning signs to look out for:
Extreme focus on the death
Talking about wanting to escape the pain / statements indicating they are considering ending their life
Withdrawal from others
Diminished experience pleasure from the things they used to enjoy
Feelings of hopelessness
A lack of concern for personal welfare or hygiene
Excessive consumption of alcohol or other substances
Trouble sleeping
If you are concerned about a person in distress, it can be helpful to recommend that they see a psychologist. Let them know that it’s absolutely alright to seek out other additional help they may require.