The Pressure to Be Perfect: Managing Personal Expectations at Work

High expectations, especially the ones we place on ourselves, can fuel anxiety, burnout, and a constant sense of falling short. While it’s natural to want to do well, unrelenting pressure can take a toll on your mental wellbeing. Here are five practical ways to manage high expectations at work and feel more grounded. 

1. Manage the Expectation Gap  

The gap between what we expect and what actually happens is often where disappointment lives. At work, this might show up when a task takes longer than you thought or when unexpected obstacles arise.  

Instead of pushing yourself harder to meet the original plan, pause and reassess. You could reframe your mindset to: "I’m doing the best I can with what I have today," or "I’ll adjust my timeline based on what’s realistic now." This helps reduce pressure while still allowing you to stay productive. 

2. Focus on the Process 

Managing high expectations often means shifting your focus from outcomes to the process. When you fixate on a specific end goal, like landing a promotion or hitting a certain milestone, it’s easy to feel discouraged if things don’t go exactly as planned. Instead, try setting process-based goals that emphasise consistent effort and growth. 

For example, rather than saying “I must get promoted this year,” you could say, “I’ll keep building my skills and take on meaningful challenges.” This approach makes success feel more within reach, because it’s based on actions you can control. By focusing on your own progress and celebrating small wins along the way, you reduce pressure and build a stronger sense of self-worth. Let the process be the goal and trust that results will follow in their own time. 

3. Limit Social Comparison 

Comparing yourself to colleagues or people on social media can easily raise the bar for what you think you should achieve, often leaving you feeling like you’re not doing enough. But what you’re seeing is usually a filtered version of reality: successes are highlighted, while struggles are left out. When you constantly measure your worth against someone else’s visible achievements, it can create unnecessary pressure and undermine your own sense of progress. 

To manage this, try being mindful of your online habits. Take occasional breaks from social media, especially when you notice it affecting your mood. You can also mute or unfollow accounts that spark feelings of inadequacy. Instead, make space for voices that feel authentic and encouraging. Remind yourself that everyone’s journey looks different and just because it’s not posted doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable. 

4. Coping Ahead of Time   

Coping ahead means preparing just enough to feel steady, without trying to control everything. It’s about making a simple, realistic plan—one that helps you feel ready without exhausting yourself in the process. 

Instead of over-rehearsing before a big meeting, you might say to yourself: “I’ve reviewed the main points and thought through a few possible questions. That’s enough.” This balanced mindset helps reduce anxiety and builds trust in your ability to handle the unexpected. It’s not about being perfectly prepared, it’s about knowing you’ve done what you can, and that’s okay. 

5. Practise Radical Acceptance  

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, things just don’t go as planned. Radical acceptance means choosing to acknowledge reality as it is, without fighting against it. It doesn’t mean giving up, it means releasing the added stress that comes from trying to change things beyond our control.  

For example, if you worked hard on a project but didn’t get the recognition you hoped for, it's okay to feel disappointed. At the same time, you can accept the outcome and focus on what you can do next, rather than getting stuck in frustration. Acceptance allows space to grieve, reset, and move forward (Try it out here: Achieving Acceptance – A 3-minute Guided Therapy). 

Managing high expectations at work isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about creating space for compassion, flexibility, and mental clarity. By shifting your focus and embracing the present moment, you can show up at work more grounded and less overwhelmed. However, if you're struggling to manage your stress or burnout, don’t be afraid to seek help! Speaking with a psychologist can be helpful as they can help you explore these tools more deeply and tailor them to your situation. Remember, you are not alone!  

Kpods Explained: Risks, Reasons, and How to Offer Support

The truth is, the answer is rarely simple. While the headlines often highlight the dangers, it’s equally important to understand the human side: why people turn to Kpods, what risks they face, and how we can respond with care 

If you are a parent concerned about your child, see our article: Kpods and Teens: A Practical Guide for Parents. 

What Are Kpods?

Kpods are vape pods laced with ketamine, a dissociative drug sometimes used in hospitals as an anaesthetic. More recently, another drug, Etomidate, has also been found in some of these laced vapes. Etomidate is a powerful anaesthetic meant for use in hospitals under strict medical supervision. Outside of that controlled setting, its effects can be unpredictable and dangerous. 

When used outside of medical supervision, the effects can be unpredictable and serious. 

Side effects include: 

• Shaking or tremors 

• Slurred speech and confusion 

• Loss of balance and difficulty walking 

• Memory blackouts or detachment from reality 

• Damage to adrenal glands, intestines, and brain 

• Mental health risks: depression, anxiety, panic attacks, sleep disturbances, and psychosis 

Even one-time use can be dangerous, and repeated use increases the likelihood of long-term physical and psychological harm. 

Why Do People Use Kpods?

Despite the risks, people rarely use Kpods just to “get high.” Often, substance use is a response to emotional pain or unmet needs. There’s usually more going on beneath the surface. 

• Escaping pain or stress: Ketamine’s dissociative effect can feel like an escape from reality, while Etomidate’s sedative properties can temporarily numb emotional distress. 

• Fitting in with peers: Peer influence and the need to “fit in” can play a big role in experimentation, especially if the risks are downplayed. 

• Curiosity: Stories or conversations about Kpods, especially those that do not mention the risks, can spark a desire to try them “just once.” 

• Curiosity: Stories or conversations about Kpods, especially those that do not mention the risks, can spark a desire to try them “just once.”Chasing a stronger experience: Regular vape users may be drawn to the idea of “stronger hits,” unaware of the potent and dangerous drugs inside.  

How to Support Someone Using Kpods 

If someone you care about is using Kpods or laced vapes, your response matters. Fear or frustration is natural, but support works best when it is rooted in empathy, not shame. Focus on leading the conversation with empathy and curiosity. 

What to avoid: 

• “Just stop it.” 

• “You’re destroying your life.” 

• “I’ll report you if you don’t quit.” 

What to try instead: 

• “I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately. Are you okay?” 

• “Let’s talk about what you’ve been going through. It must have been hard on you.” 

• “I’m here to listen, not to judge.” 

These gentle openings build trust. When someone feels seen and understood, they are more likely to feel safe enough to open up. That’s when real change can begin.  

Encouraging Professional Help 

Recovery is not a straight line. It is a journey with setbacks, detours, and gradual change. But with the right support, individuals can learn to manage better and overcome addiction.  

If someone is open to it, encourage them to speak with a psychologist or addiction counsellor.  

Therapy can help with:  

• Identifying emotional triggers 

• Learning healthy ways to cope 

• Rebuilding a sense of self-worth 

• Setting goals and creating structure 

• Reducing harm while working towards change 

If it’s an emergency: 

• Call 995 or go  

Where to get help: 

• NAMS Helpline: 6732 6837 

• National Mindline: 1771 (for personal support and guidance) 

If the person is unconscious, hallucinating, or in immediate danger, call 995 or go to the nearest A&E.  

A Final Thought 

If you or someone you love is caught up in Kpod use, please remember that recovery starts with choice, not shame. This is not about being a “bad person” or a “bad friend” or “bad parent.” It’s about facing a challenge that can feel overwhelming, and finding the right help to move forward. At our clinic, we believe in meeting people where they are, with compassion and understanding, and practical strategies for change. You’re not alone in this journey. 

The Unspoken Stress of the Sandwich Generation

You’re raising children while also caring for ageing parents. Managing school drop-offs, pick-ups, doctor’s appointments and work deadlines, while somehow keeping track of homework, payments, medication schedules and emotional meltdowns.

Everyone needs something from you. But there never seems to be enough of you to go around.

But behind the role is a person who’s stretched thin. Tired, overwhelmed, and quietly grieving the life they no longer have the capacity to live.

And often, the ones you care for don’t even ask how you are.

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The guilt is relentless

You feel guilty for not being present enough with your children.
You feel guilty when you snap at your parents or forget a medical appointment.
You feel guilty about wanting time for yourself, or rather, about wanting to run away from it all.

You replay conversations in your head, wondering if you could’ve been more. More patient. More present. More available.

Sometimes the expectations are spoken. Other times, they come from within. You tell yourself you should cope better. That other people manage. That you need to push through.

But guilt often grows in the gap between what you expect of yourself and what you’re humanly able to give.

And when you’re carrying multiple roles with no room to rest or refuel, that gap widens fast.

You’re not failing. You’re doing your best in impossible conditions.

The loneliness is loud

Many in the sandwich generation don’t talk about their struggles. There’s pressure to appear capable. Responsible. Grateful. Filial.

So you swallow your exhaustion. You push through the sadness. You tell yourself others have it harder, and that you should just cope.

But swallowing the struggle only makes you feel lonelier.

It’s OK to say this is hard. It’s OK to want support. Naming your reality is not complaining. It’s authenticity. It’s courage. It’s your truth.

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Signs you might be running on empty

Ψ You wake up already exhausted
Ψ You’re emotionally numb or unusually irritable
Ψ You cry often, sometimes without knowing why
Ψ You feel trapped, resentful, or hopeless
Ψ You think about disappearing, not out of harm, but to escape the weight

These are not signs of weakness. They’re signals that your body and mind are running out of reserve.

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What helps

1. Name your needs, out loud
Many in the sandwich generation have spent so long caring for others that they’ve forgotten how to advocate for themselves. Start small. “I need a break this weekend.” “I need someone else to handle the groceries.” “I’m not OK.”

2. Share the load, even if it’s imperfect
You don’t have to do it all, or do it perfectly. Let your partner do the bedtime routine, even if they forget the right toothbrush. Let your sibling take over one of the medical appointments. Outsource when you can. Release the grip of control where it’s safe to do so.

3. Carve out true rest
Not scrolling in bed. Not catching up on housework. But something that nourishes you. A nap. A shower. A cup of tea. Reading. Walking. Sitting alone. Closing your eyes for a bit. It might only be 10 minutes. Protect it like it matters, because it does.

4. Grieve without guilt
You’re allowed to mourn the life you thought you’d have. You’re allowed to feel frustrated. You’re allowed to not love every moment. None of this makes you a bad parent, child, or spouse. It just means you’re human.

5. Seek safe spaces
Whether it’s therapy, a support group, or a trusted friend, find people who don’t need you to be strong all the time. You deserve spaces where your needs are front and centre too.

6. Add elements to look forward to
Don’t let parenting or caregiving dull your life. Do what you like with the people you love. Share in the enjoyment. Listen to a favourite beat. Eat some comfort food. Watch a childhood show or movie. Do a silly face or dance. You don’t need to sacrifice your happiness in the process. Pair these elements with activities in the routine.

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You are not failing

If no one has told you lately: You are doing so much.
You are allowed to feel weary. You are allowed to need help.
You are allowed to exist not just as someone else’s support system.

It’s not selfish to care for yourself. It’s survival.

And you need care too.

Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR)

Instead of talking through a memory in detail, EMDR focuses on helping your brain process it in a different way. During sessions, you’ll briefly bring a distressing memory to mind while engaging in bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements, tapping, or sounds, which alternates between the left and right sides of the body. This process is thought to support the brain’s natural healing, reducing the emotional charge of the memory and making space for healthier beliefs. 

How Does EMDR Work? 

When we go through something overwhelming, our brain does not always process it properly. EMDR helps the brain finish that process. With the help of a trained therapist, you gently revisit the memory while using bilateral stimulation. This combination is believed to help rewire how the memory is stored, so it feels less distressing over time. Some researchers suggest that EMDR works in a similar way to  REM sleep. That is the part of sleep where your brain naturally sorts through emotions and experiences. Over time, EMDR can reduce emotional distress, shift negative self-beliefs, and build emotional resilience. 

Who is EMDR for? 

EMDR is a great option for anyone who’s still feeling the emotional weight of something that’s happened, whether it was recent or years ago. If something is still affecting your daily life, mood or self-esteem, it might be worth exploring. EMDR is commonly used to support people with: 

• Trauma, PTSD, and Complex PTSD (c-PTSD) (e.g., accidents, abuse, violence, natural disasters)  

• Anxiety and Panic Attacks 

• Phobias  

• Depression  

• Grief and Loss  

• Low Self-esteem or Negative Self-beliefs 

• Chronic Stress or Burnout 

• Performance Anxiety (e.g., in work, sports, or the arts) 

• Attachment and Relationship Difficulties 

A lot of people turn to EMDR when they have tried talk therapy but still feel stuck. It offers another way in, especially for experiences that feel hard to put into words. 

What happens in an EMDR Session? 

EMDR typically follows a structured process, but your therapist will go at a pace that feels right for you. Here’s a simple breakdown of what the journey could look like:  

Phase 1: History-Taking 

• Your therapist will get to know your history, current concerns, and what you hope to achieve in therapy.   

Phase 2: Preparation 

• In this phase, you’ll learn calming and grounding techniques to help manage any strong emotions that arise during the process.  

Phase 3: Assessment 

• In phase 3, you will focus on a specific memory and identify a few key elements related to the memory: 

• A vivid image that represents the memory 

• A negative belief you hold about yourself in relation to it (e.g. “I’m not safe” or “It was my fault”) 

• Any emotions or physical sensations that come up when you think about it 

• You will also choose a positive belief you'd like to adopt going forward, such as “I did the best I could” or “I’m safe now.”  

Phase 4: Desensitisation and Reprocessing 

• While focusing on the memory, you’ll engage in bilateral stimulation (such as eye movements or tapping). This helps the brain process the memory and reduce its emotional intensity. 

Phase 5: Installation  

• During this phase, your therapist will help you strengthen a positive belief related to the memory, supporting a more adaptive perspective.   

Phase 6: Body Scan 

• You will be asked to notice how your body feels while thinking about the memory and the positive belief. This helps identify if any physical tension or discomfort remains, as the body can hold onto stress even after the memory feels less upsetting. If discomfort remains, further EMDR processing may be done to resolve it fully. 

Phase 7: Closure and Stabilisation 

• Each session ends with techniques to help you feel calm and grounded. You’ll also prepare to manage any feelings that arise between sessions.  

Phase 8: Re-evaluation 

• In the following sessions, your therapist will review your progress, revisit targets if needed, and help you plan the next steps. 

So How Does EMDR Compare to Talk Therapy? 

Now that we’ve explored how EMDR works, who it may benefit, and what a typical session could look like, you might be wondering how it compares to more traditional forms of therapy. While both EMDR and talk therapy aim to support emotional healing, they differ in how they approach distressing memories and the pathways they use to promote recovery. The following comparison highlights some of the key differences between the two. 

 Curious About EMDR? 

Whether you're ready to start or just want to explore your options, we’re here to help. If there’s something in your past that still weighs on you, EMDR could be a powerful way to move forward. Feel free to get in touch with us to learn more or book a consultation. 

Vaginismus: Mental Health Support & Coping Strategies

What is Vaginismus?  

Something to do with the vagina?   

Yup! Vaginismus is when the muscles around the vaginal area tense up involuntarily whenever something tries to go in, be it a tampon, a penis, or even during a pelvic exam. Vaginismus tension can cause discomfort or pain, making penetration difficult or even impossible. It’s a condition that can affect intimacy and sometimes reduce sexual desire because let’s face it, pain and pleasure don’t exactly go hand-in-hand.  

Shhhh! Are You Too Shy to Talk About It?  

We get it—talking about vaginas isn’t everyone’s idea of light conversation over kopi. But here’s a surprising fact: vaginismus is one of the top sexual health concerns among Singaporean women.   

According to KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital (KKH), 9 out of 10 patients at their Sexual Health Clinic are diagnosed with vaginismus. That’s a lot! And it’s likely underreported because talking about sex-related issues can still feel paiseh in our culture.  

What Causes Vaginismus?  

There’s no single cause of vaginismus, but vaginismus often stems from a mix of emotional, psychological, or social factors such as:  

Trauma or Negative Experiences: Past sexual abuse or trauma can trigger an involuntary fear response.  

Psychological Factors: Anxiety about pain, whether from fears of tearing the hymen or worries about the penis being “too big”, can create a mental block that the body physically reacts to.  

Cultural and Social Influences: Growing up in environments where sex is considered taboo or shameful can lead to anxiety and aversion to intimacy.    

Other possible causes include prior injuries or medical conditions.  

Vaginismus and Your Mental Health  

Here’s where the mind-body connection comes into play. Anxiety is often at the root, creating a frustrating cycle: the fear of pain causes muscle tightening, which leads to pain, which then reinforces the fear and repeats the cycle.  

Over time, this can affect self-esteem, with thoughts like, “Am I abnormal?” or “Am I failing as a partner?” are all too common. Partners may also feel confused or frustrated, especially if they don’t understand what’s happening. Without support, this stress can lead to depression.  

Can I Ever Experience Comfortable Intercourse Again?  

Here’s the good news: vaginismus is treatable, and we don’t have to face it alone. Options like pelvic floor therapy, counselling, and gradual desensitisation can work wonders. A good first step is speaking with a gynaecologist or psychologist to uncover the underlying causes and find the best way forward.  

If anxiety is a key factor, here are some psychological strategies to try:  

Ψ Self-compassion  

Remind yourself that painful or uncomfortable intercourse is not your fault. Vaginismus is a physical and emotional response, not a reflection of your feelings or capabilities.  

Reframing your thoughts and tell yourself “It’s not that I don’t love my partner; it’s just that this feels painful right now.” Allow yourself to take some time and accept that you might be experiencing vaginismus and remember that treatments are available.   

Ψ Relax your body  

A) 4-7-8 Breathing  

B) Progressive muscle relaxation 

C) Guided imaginary     

1. Sit or lie down in a quiet and cosy spot. 

2. Close your eyes and take deep breaths.  

3. Picture a serene place, like a quiet beach with the sound of waves. Imagine what you can see, hear, smell, touch and taste.  

4. Visualise your body relaxing, rooted to the ground (especially around the pelvic area – hips, back, abdomen), and with each exhale, feel the tension leaving your body.  

5. Hold onto this peaceful image, breathing slowly and deeply, for a few minutes. Let the calm wash over you.  

And of course, communicate openly with your partner! Honestly share your feelings and struggles while explaining what you’re going through. Together, you can discuss ways to approach intimacy that feels safe and comfortable.  

How do I support my partner who has vaginismus?     

Ψ “Take it slow.”  

Patience and understanding would be the greatest gift you can offer. Avoid forcing, blaming, or guilt-tripping your loved one when they are not ready for intimacy. A slow and steady pace is often what they need to feel safe, allow them to set the pace and respect it.  

Ψ “You are not alone, I can help.”  

Learning more about vaginismus to understand what they are going through will help you approach the conversation with sensitivity and care. Show empathy by listening to their feelings and experiences by asking open-ended questions like, “How can I support you?” or “What would make this easier for you?”.   

You can also offer practical help, like accompanying them to medical or therapy appointments if they feel comfortable. Your presence can provide reassurance and show that they are not alone in this journey. 

Trauma Bonding

Ever heard this on Tiktok? Actually, the term “trauma bond” has been misused in this context. It doesn’t mean bonding over the same negative experiences. Rather, it's an unhealthy connection in abusive relationships – where the victim is overly attached to and dependent on the abuser. 

Signs We’re in a Trauma Bond 

1. We deny all the red flags.

   We refuse to acknowledge the bad parts of the relationship. Maybe we choose to leave it out of conversations with our loved ones.  
   
   

2. We defend and justify our abuser’s actions. 

   “She didn’t hit me that hard.” We tell our friends that it wasn’t a big deal.  

   “I shouldn’t have looked in their direction, it’s my fault.” We explain that we deserve the abuse.  
   

   Physical and emotional abuse are never okay! You don’t deserve to be treated this way. You are worthy of respect and safety.  
   
   

3. We find it hard to leave the relationship.  

   Separation from our abuser means losing the emotional connection we depended on them for.  
   
   

4. We cut off the people who try to help. 

   We’re clouded by our abusers’ opinion and block out others who disagree. 

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7 Stages of Trauma Bonding 

1. Love-bombing 

   The abuser convinces us that they have good intentions and want the best for us. They can provide us with anything we need. 
   
   

2. Developing Trust and Dependency 

   At some point, our abuser leads us to question their intentions. But they turn it back at us, talking about all they had done for us in the love-bombing stage – are we not grateful?  
   
   

3. Criticism

   Just when they’ve gained our trust, they start to point out “problematic” traits we have, or things we’ve done that they’re not happy about. We feel guilty and apologise – because we think we’re wrong, and they’re right.  
   
   

4. Manipulation and Gaslighting 

   “You definitely said this yesterday, how could you be changing your mind?” Our abusers cause us to doubt our reality, and we question whether we’re going insane.  
   
   

5. Resignation and Giving Up 

   Feeling unworthy, we give in to the abuse. We deserve it anyway. 
   
   

6. Loss of Self 

   We no longer have our own identity – everything we do or say is tied to our abuser. We lose our social connections because we are no longer who we were. 
   
   

7. Obsession

   In a period of calm, our abuser apologises. We forgive them and feel all positive again. Love-bombing restarts and the vicious cycle continues.  

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What to Do to Break the Bond 

• Recognise the trauma bond 

Acknowledging the unhealthy relationship is the first step to healing. We need to recognise the abuse that we were put through. 

• Leave the relationship (safely) 

We can start by distancing ourselves from the abuser. Be assertive and set boundaries. If having a conversation is dangerous, we need to create a safety plan to keep ourselves safe. Work this out with a trusted friend and talk to a therapist about it.  

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) 

In CBT, we’re guided to challenge beliefs told to us by the abuser. In the process, we also learn to better manage difficult emotions or situations.  

Consider these helplines:

• National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment Helpline: 1800-777-0000 

• Samaritans of Singapore (SOS): 1-767 

Understanding Disordered Eating and Mental Health

Misconceptions of Disordered Eating
Credit: TEDx Talks

Wait! Disordered eating or eating disorder? Aren’t they the same?

Not exactly! While they share some similarities, they are different.

An “eating disorder” is a clinical diagnosis, with specific criteria for conditions like anorexia or bulimia.

On the other hand, “disordered eating” refers to unhealthy eating behaviours or patterns that don’t meet the full criteria for an eating disorder.

Someone with disordered eating may not have an eating disorder, but people with eating disorders often exhibit disordered eating behaviours. Disordered eating is quite common and can often go unnoticed, as it may show up in small actions you might do daily without realising.

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How do I know if I have disordered eating and not an eating disorder?

While there is no single, perfect guideline on what constitutes “normal eating” as each of our bodies is different, healthy eating is about nourishing our body in a balanced and flexible way. Not overly restrictive, preoccupied, or obsessed (binging, excessive calorie counting).

The golden rule: eat when hungry and stop when satiated (not when you’re about to unbutton your pants).

Whether it’s 3 regular meals a day, or smaller portions but more frequently, our food intake should have all the necessary nutrients our body needs.

In contrast, disordered eating can fly under the radar because its signs are usually more subtle. In contrast, eating disorders are generally more severe and easier to spot. For more information, read more about eating disorders here.

But when it comes to disordered eating, here are a few behaviours to take note of:

Ψ     Eating when stressed or for comfort
Ψ     Eating when not hungry or not for nourishment
Ψ     Following restrictive diets
Ψ     Fasting for extended periods (more than 24 hours)
Ψ     Regularly skipping meals
Ψ     Episodes of binge eating
Ψ     Using diet pills to control weight
Ψ     Misusing diuretics, laxatives, or enemas
Ψ     Feeling guilty after eating or for eating certain foods

If any of these sound familiar, it may be time to reflect on our relationship with food.

Here’s a short summary of the differences between disordered eating and eating disorders:

Disordered Eating	Eating Disorders
Eating for emotional reasons	Frequently thinking about food
Eating to cope with distress	Extreme calorie concern
Rigid rituals or routines around food and exercise	Fixation on weight and body shape
Occasional calorie restriction or bingeing	Disruption in daily life
Selective eating	Significant weight changes

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Disordered Eating and Mental Health: The Connection

While disordered eating might seem less severe than an eating disorder, it can still impact both physical and mental health over time.

Disordered eating often stems from emotional reasons, particularly to cope with distress. This distress may come from feeling heightened stress in our lives, or anxiety about our weight, health or appearance.

For example, finding ourselves rummaging through the office pantry right after lunch because we’re feeling stressed or skipping dinner because we’re already full from snacks, telling ourselves, "I need to lose weight.”

Soon after, feelings of regret and guilt may arise, whether from eating or restricting food. This can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, or feeling unsatisfied, prompting behaviours like skipping meals or overeating. This cycle of stress, eating, guilt and restriction can create a pattern that’s hard to break.

If you notice the signs, it might be time to check in on your emotional needs.

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Okay, I think... I might have it. So, what should I do now to stop it?

The key is to start from within. Addressing disordered eating isn't just about changing eating habits – it's also about understanding the emotional and mental factors that drive these behaviours. Here are some steps you can take:

Ψ    Gather knowledge and check in with yourself often

Start by learning the signs of disordered eating and eating disorders, just like you’re doing now! Recognising these patterns early can help you catch them before they become more ingrained.

Mindfulness plays a big role here. Stay grounded and present and be aware of your emotions and physical cues. Eat when you’re hungry and try to differentiate between physical hunger and emotional hunger.  

Ψ    Try alternative coping mechanisms

If you’re using food to deal with emotions like stress or sadness, or even binge eating when you’re feeling happy, try adopting healthier ways to manage your emotions and eating, such as:

• Exercise: Physical activity can help relieve stress and improve mood.

• Creative hobbies: Engage in activities like painting, writing, or crafting to channel your emotions in a productive way.

• Heathy snacks: Opt for nutritious options like fruits.  

Ψ    Avoid fad diets

Fad diets often promise quick results but can harm your body and disrupt healthy eating habits.

Focused on balanced, long-term changes (choosing healthier options, or preparing your own meals) instead of drastic restrictions that can lead to disordered eating behaviours.

Ψ    Self-positive encouragement

Celebrate small victories! Even the tiniest steps toward healthier behaviours, deserve recognition. Use positive self-talk to motivate yourself. You could say things like:

• “Good job to me! I didn’t overeat, even though I loved the food!”

• “I made it! I didn’t skip any meals this week!”

Sometimes, enjoying a good meal can be a form of celebration – just remember to enjoy it in the right portion and be aware of when you feel satiated. 

Okay, but what is the right portion?
There’s a Chinese saying, “qi (7) fen bao, gang gang hao,” which means “eat until you’re 70% full.” This could be the balanced portion your body needs.

Ψ    Set realistic goals

Don’t expect to change everything overnight. Set achievable, small goals that focus on improving your relationship with food and your body. This could be as simple as:

• Eating 3 regular meals per day

• Reducing emotional eating from 5 times a week to 3 times

Lastly, if you’re struggling to manage disordered eating on your own, reaching out for professional support is a great next step. Therapists, dietitians, or counsellors specialised in eating behaviours can guide you toward healthier coping strategies and a balanced relationship with food.

Body Image & Self-Esteem

How do you view your body? What do you see when you look into the mirror? How do you feel?

Do you fear what others might be thinking about your body?

In these cases, our perception and feelings about our bodies are referred to as body image.

On the other hand, self-esteem is about our sense of self-worth and how we view ourselves as people.

Body Image and Self-Esteem

Similar in how both revolve around our feelings about ourselves, they can affect our behaviour and interactions with others.

Highly interconnected, body image issues can make us feel poorly about ourselves (low self-esteem), and low self-esteem can also lead to self-criticism, self-doubt and viewing our bodies more negatively (hyper-focusing on imperfections).

A negative body image may lead to hyper-fixation of food, appearances, or exercise. Paired with lower self-esteem, this may contribute to low self-confidence, social withdrawal or anxiety, difficulty expressing ourselves and needs, low moods and even people-pleasing for validation.

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What are some signs of a negative body image?

Consider: Someone makes an offhand remark about your physical appearance. How do you feel about your own body after hearing the remark?

If you find yourself experiencing any of the below, you might have a negative body image:

Ψ Ruminating and nitpicking your body’s weight, shape, or appearance
Ψ Feeling ashamed, anxious, and self-conscious about your body
Ψ Frequently comparing your body with others’ and never feeling satisfied with your own body
Ψ Finding ways to change your body’s appearance, such as extreme dieting and fasting, vomiting, taking laxatives, cosmetic
procedures

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Healthy Body Image

The ‘perfect’ body has always been defined by societal norms (like when voluptuous bodies were the ideal in the 18th and 19th centuries). Even the people around us can sometimes affect the way we view our own bodies.

How then, do we inculcate a positive or healthy body image?

Changing our body image does not mean changing our bodies. What matters is changing how we think about our bodies. Healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes – it’s rarely about the numbers. A healthy body is determined by how the body is functioning (think: immune system, illnesses, hormone levels, muscle-fat composition).

A positive body image means embracing all aspects of our bodies – warts and all. It means focusing and appreciating our body’s health and functionality.

Most importantly, it’s about feeling comfortable and proud about our bodies, regardless of body size and shape.

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How do I improve the way I see my body?

Ψ Telling ourselves frequently:

o I have physical imperfections, and that’s okay
o   I am recognised and loved for who I am, not how I look
o   Physical health is not about shape or size

Ψ Being grateful, instead of judgmental, of our bodies

o Remind ourselves of the parts we like about our bodies – make a list!
o Giving yourself daily, verbal encouragements and reminders
o   Appreciating all that our bodies do:
§ Our limbs help us carry out daily activities
§ Our feet carry our weight as we move around
§ Our different systems work together to keep us functioning – digesting food, breathing, circulating blood and oxygen
§ Try a body scan to re-connect with the different parts of our bodies

Ψ Detoxing from or diversifying your social media

o Detoxing from social media for several weeks or months for a “reset” on how you define a healthy body
o Finding social media accounts that celebrate bodies of all kinds – be it in terms of shape, size and complexion

If it gets too hard trying to change how we think about our bodies, reach out to us.

How do I Find Meaning in My Life?

As the days blur together, do you start questioning what’s the point of, well, anything? Maybe it’s not about routines and monotony. Does getting out of bed seem a little harder every day? Does it feel like you’re no longer living, just trying to survive?   

Don’t worry, you’re not alone. This question about how to pursue meaning or fulfilment in life can be traced back thousands of years to ancient scriptures and philosophers. After years of scholarly attempts to understand how it is experienced, it seems that we’re starting to gain some insight into this abstract concept of meaning. Before we dive in… 

Reminder: There’s No One-Size-Fits-All Solution

First, there can be many ways to create more meaning in your life. The combination, or number, of ways, is unique to you; no one can (or should) say you’re doing it wrong! 

Next, the 3 established facets of meaning lie in feeling a sense of purpose, existential mattering (“my existence matters”) and comprehension of the world around you.  

1. A Sense of Purpose 

Ever heard of the phrase, “walk with purpose”? Like a compass in life, a sense of purpose guides your actions and decisions based on treasured goals or values. If it is difficult to think about the values you hold at heart, a good start is to think about how you wish to be remembered by your loved ones.  

An example could be, “I hope they remember me as someone who was diligent and driven in their career, but also reliable and responsible.” This answer shows a desire to be resilient and motivated in your occupation while being seen as someone others can trust and count on, taking ownership of your work, actions, or decisions.   

2. Mattering, in the existential sense 

It might seem narcissistic to think you “matter”, or that your actions in life make an impact on the world. Plus, how would you even measure it? Instead, the idea is to focus on how you contribute to others’ lives, whether big or small. Some also seek to leave a legacy for future generations.  

Again, this can be subjective, but the assessment of how you contribute to others need not be objectively accurate. Rather, you should truly believe that you contribute, or do your best to, in others’ lives.  

3. Comprehension about the world 

This one can be hard to grasp. We’re not asking you to make sense of how the world works completely because honestly, no one can. Some events are also very hard to make sense of and trying to may do more harm than good. 

The idea is more about feeling a sense of understanding of how your life seems to fit into a whole. How the people, ideas, objects, and events connect; how they form a larger picture and craft a story; how they played a role in shaping the person that you are today and the values you care for. 

6 Ways of Finding Meaning  

Remember that everyone finds meaning in different aspects of life with different ways. Find the combination or method that works for you! 

6 Ways of Finding of Meaning
#1 A Positive Affect	While unhappy, people can experience meaning in life. But people who are generally happier tend to experience more meaning.  If you’re struggling to find meaning from other sources, you could try mood-lifting activities, and think about how they help you comprehend the world and yourself better.
#2 Social Connections	Finding meaning in social connections happens through feeling a sense of belonging, interdependency, or beneficence (that they benefit another’s life).  This could be done by forging closer relations with loved ones, joining shared interest groups, or serving your community.
#3 Worldviews (Spiritual, or not)	Spiritual and religious beliefs (or lack thereof) are belief structures that help you comprehend how the world works, basically like knowing the “grand scheme of things”. Typically, religious faith and the concept of a divine plan lead back to each facet of meaning.  For nonbelievers, find meaning in areas of science, nature, meditation, politics, or awe-evoking experiences. Worldviews can be shaped by beliefs in these areas, promoting a sense of purpose or comprehension of the world.
#4 Connecting to  the Self	A coherent life story weaves different elements of life together, helping someone to feel some sense of self. On one level, there is an understanding of how countless experiences have shaped you into who you are. On another level, it involves “true-to-self” action.  Authenticity can be seen with consistency in personality traits or values across time, or understanding the motivations behind inconsistent behaviours or changes in values. For example, understanding that a change in behaviour may arise from adapting to major life events.
#5 Visualisation	The visualization of nostalgic memories, imagining a future meaningful event, and even how well you visualize can be linked to finding that sense of meaning in life.  Detailed mental imagery of nostalgic memories and familiar places can build that foundation for understanding how things in your life link together across time.
#6 Accepting Mortality	No surprise, many would think this source of meaning is paradoxical. The idea that human lives end inevitably would make any pursuit for meaning in life, meaningless.  However, there are some variables which can overpower the crippling effect of mortality and push us on a meaningful pursuit. These include having stable worldviews, routines, perceived progress towards long-term goals, gratitude, and social connection (seem familiar?).

While it doesn’t mean that all our questions about life are left answered, we’re at least in a good place where we’re beginning to unravel some components and actionable steps to build lives that hold more meaning for us. This journey is different for everyone, so don’t feel discouraged if you have yet to find your sources of meaning. Everyone has their own story, journey, and pace in life.