Sciatica and Mental Health: How Chronic Pain Affects Your Emotions

Our brain acts like a smoke alarm, alerting us when something is wrong through the feeling of pain. However, when the alarm has been ringing for a long period of time, our brain's pain center becomes overstimulated. This leads to changes in our brain structure, causing alterations in the way pain is processed and experienced. It can lead to central sensitization, where our brains are overly sensitive to pain signals.  

Chronic pain also changes the structure of your brain. It can alter brain areas such as the amygdala and anterior cingulate cortex which are responsible for controlling our emotions. This can result in emotional dysregulation where we experience a heightened level of stress, worry and frustration. On top of that, chronic pain also messes with the levels of neurotransmitters in your brain. Neurotransmitters are chemicals that influence our mood and emotions. Research has found that people living with chronic pain have lower levels of glutamate, a neurotransmitter responsible for regulating thoughts and emotions. This connection between our mind and body also explains why two people diagnosed with the same condition can have very different experiences.  

A Vicious Cycle  

Pain’s drastic changes in our brain's chemistry creates a cycle of pain and distress that can prove hard to break. The stress we experience from sciatica pain can cause sciatica flare-ups which in turn intensify the negative feelings – fueling a vicious cycle of pain and distress.  Muscle tension from stress and anxiety puts pressure on your sciatica nerve. High levels of distress cause your body to produce an excess of hormones that trigger inflammation, further compressing your sciatica nerve and worsening pain. The experience of sciatica pain is very real, and it is understandable why it has affected your mental health. But the good news is, there are ways to cope with the mental distress! 

Coping with Sciatica Pain  

If you are someone dealing with sciatica pain, know that you are not alone. There are ways we can manage the emotional burden of sciatica pain. Some strategies include: 

1. Progressive Muscle Relaxation 

Since tensed muscles from feeling high levels of stress and anxiety can exacerbate sciatica pain, we can practice muscle relaxation to promote calm and stress-relief. First, tense up a specific muscle group in your body and notice what the tension feels like. Then, release the tension slowly, paying attention to what this feels like in your body. Move through your body, repeating these two steps.

2. Cognitive Restructuring  

The mind-body connection shows how our thoughts impact our physical body. Practicing self-awareness, we can identify any thoughts that may be causing these negative feelings and reframe them in a more positive and empathetic light.  

A negative thought may look like:  

“My pain makes me unable to do anything” 

Instead, we can restructure it in a more compassionate and positive manner:  

“Sciatica pain is hard, and my life may look different now. However, there are still things I can do, and I can find ways to manage it.” 

Taking control of our negative thoughts can reduce the physical impacts of distressing emotions on our body.  

3. Gentle Exercise  

Moving your body encourages the release of the chemical endorphin – which acts as a natural painkiller and improves mood. However, it is important to engage in activity levels that are suitable for your body. It is essential the exercise is done correctly and at an appropriate leve of intensity to prevent further injury to your sciatica nerve.  

These are all steps we can take to manage the distressing emotions that come with living with sciatica pain. However, if these methods are insufficient to help manage your difficult emotions, it is crucial to seek professional guidance. Our clinical psychologists at Annabelle Psychology are here to provide a safe space for you to find the best ways to cope with the stress that comes with sciatica pain. Should you have any inquiries, please feel free to contact us and find out more! 

Living with Chronic Pain

Pain is important in life. It is our body’s way of signaling to us that something is wrong. It allows us to take active steps to address the cause of the pain, ensuring that we are out of harm’s way. However, pain becomes an issue when it is persistent and disrupts our daily functioning. 

Chronic pain is pain that lasts beyond 3 months and may persist all the time or come and go. It can occur in any part of your body and can be due to various causes. Types of chronic pain includes nerve pain, pain caused by a joint condition or pain caused by illnesses such as osteoporosis. Chronic pain is more common than we may think, affecting 14% of adults in Singapore. Apart from your physical well-being, chronic pain has a profound impact on your emotional and mental health. 

The Connection between Chronic Pain and Mental Health 

Everyone experiences chronic pain differently and symptoms could range from mild to severe. Living with chronic pain is physically and mentally exhausting and could result in serious mental health conditions if not properly addressed. Dealing with chronic pain can disrupt your daily routines and make even the simplest activities hard, leading to feelings of sadness or despair. You may also feel overwhelmed with anxiety or worry, because of the unpredictability of your diagnosis or uncertainty about your future. You may even experience strains in your relationships with your friends and family if they do not fully understand your pain. However, we just want to acknowledge every emotion you may be feeling. Living with chronic pain is hard. It does take a heavy toll on your mental health. In fact, mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder are not uncommon amongst individuals struggling with chronic pain.  

Chronic pain and poor mental health are a vicious cycle. When you are in pain, it brings up unsettling feelings of fear and stress and this emotional distress results in self-isolation and avoidance of situations we think will worsen our pain symptoms. Unintentionally, this intensifies your symptoms of pain as emotional distress can manifest in physical symptoms such as tense muscles. 

Chronic Pain Management 

Breaking the cycle of chronic pain and emotional distress will help improve both physical and mental well-being. And the good news is there are strategies you can adopt to regain control and enhance the quality of life despite your chronic pain. Strategies include:  

• Activity Pacing  

Coping with pain daily can be exhausting. Pacing your activities in a day can help prevent a flare up but also ensure you do not overexert yourself. After you have selected the activity, figure out what your starting point is for this activity. For example, your baseline level for going on a walk may be 200m. This means that you can walk a distance of 200m before your pain starts to worsen. Next, plan for when, where and how you will engage in the activity. Then, plan incremental increases in the distance walked at a rate suitable for your physical ability. Be consistent and do not give up!  

• Build a Support System 

Surround yourself with people you love and trust! Explain how your pain affects your daily life and how they can help. You can also join a support group to help you connect with other individuals battling chronic pain. There is comfort in shared experiences. You are not alone. 

• Caring for Your Mind and Body   

While pain may place a limit on your physical abilities, engaging in low-intensity physical activities can be helpful. Pain-friendly activities like swimming, yoga and tai chi can be incorporated alongside activity pacing. When you exercise endorphins are released and this can help reduce stress levels and improve your mood. Engaging in exercise could also help distract yourself from ruminating on negative thoughts associated with your chronic pain. 

Apart from caring for your body, it is also important to care for your mental well-being. Persistent pain can take a toll on emotional health, thus engaging in mindfulness exercises such as guided imagery can help relieve stress and promote calm.  

Steps in Guided Imagery: 

1. Find a comfortable position (e.g. sit or lie down somewhere you will not be disturbed) 

2. Visualize a scene or setting that makes you feel calm and peace (e.g. your home, the beach, a meadow) 

3. While imagining this scene, notice as many details as you can – What do you hear, see, feel? 

4. Continue staying in the scene for as long as you need 

5. When you are ready, slowly take yourself out of the scene and come back to the present  

6. Check in with yourself – How do you feel right now? 

While no single approach works for everyone, combining these strategies can help you build resilience and regain a sense of control over your life. Living with chronic pain is undoubtedly challenging. However, with the right strategies and a good support system around you, you can live a life full of meaning and joy. Also, if you are struggling with your mental health, do not be afraid to ask a professional for help! Remember, you are not alone, and every small step makes a significant difference on your journey. 

Pregnancy Hormones and Link with Mental Health

Pregnancy is a transformative experience filled with joy and exhilaration. However, it can be physically and emotionally taxing on the mother’s body. During pregnancy, hormonal fluctuations occur and can manifest positively or negatively on a mother’s mental health. These hormonal changes may lead to or exacerbate mental health conditions and can occur before, during or after the pregnancy. Understanding these hormonal changes is crucial to understanding their impact on a mother’s mental health. 

Pregnancy Hormones  

Drastic hormonal changes can have a toll on the mother’s emotional well-being. This includes changes in hormones such as progesterone, estrogen and oxytocin. 

1. Progesterone  

Progesterone is thought to help in regulating our mood and anxiety. During pregnancy, progesterone levels progressively rise but decreases sharply after delivery. This sudden decline results in a drop in mood, increasing the risk of postpartum depression. 

2. Estrogen  

Like progesterone, estrogen levels increase steadily and then sharply decline after birth. It affects body functions including brain function and works together with serotonin to impact an individual’s mood. Its sudden decline could also increase the risk of postpartum depression. 

3. Oxytocin  

However, not all hormonal changes have negative impacts. Oxytocin, also known as the “love hormone” increases in its production during pregnancy. This promotes stress and anxiety relief.  

The intensity of hormonal changes varies by individuals. Factors such as a history of mental health issues, lack of social support, trauma and biological predispositions can increase the risks of experiencing poor mental health during pregnancy.  

 Effects of hormonal changes during pregnancy are more common than you think, with up to 40% of mothers in Singapore reporting feelings anxiety or depression. Therefore, it is important to be aware of the signs and symptoms of these maternal mental health conditions to tackle the symptoms before they escalate. 

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Symptoms of Declining Mental Health 

Maternal mental health refers to the social, emotional and mental well-being of a mother during pregnancy or postpartum. These hormonal changes, if left untreated, can result in maternal mental health disorders such as perinatal anxiety, perinatal depression, post-traumatic stress disorder or bipolar affective disorder. Therefore, it is crucial to understand some of the symptoms and warning signs of pregnancy related mental health disorders.

Symptoms of perinatal anxiety and depression include:  

• General or persistent worrying  

• Feelings of irritability, frustration, or restlessness 

• Changes in appetite  

• Difficulty sleeping, waking early in the morning, or oversleeping 

• Withdrawing from friends or family  

• Diminished interest or enjoyment in activities  

• Feelings of worthlessness, guilt or helplessness 

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Building Mental Resilience During Pregnancy 

Apart from understanding how hormonal changes in pregnancy can affect our mental health, there are also active steps we can take to build our mental resilience. Mental wellness strategies include: 

• Engaging in regular exercise  

Moving your body promotes the release of endorphins also known as “happy” hormones that naturally boost your mood and relieve feelings of stress.  

• Maintain a support network  

Surrounding yourself with people you love and trust, such as your partner, family, friends or pregnancy support groups can provide emotional comfort and practical help. You do not have to struggle alone. 

• Get into a routine  

When your mind feels out of control, maintaining a sense of structure in your life can be reassuring. Setting regular sleep, meal and relaxation times can create a sense of control and reduce feelings of anxiety in your life. 

• Eat a balanced diet 

Did you know that what you eat can also affect your mood? Ensuring you consume a well-balanced diet rich in all the essential vitamins and nutrients is crucial in promoting healthy brain function and mood regulation. 

• Practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques 

Engaging in mindfulness and relaxation techniques (e.g. 4-7-8 breathing) can help manage anxiety and promote feelings of calm, even in moments of stress.  

However, if emotional distress during pregnancy affects daily functioning or persists for an extended period, it is crucial to seek guidance from a mental health professional.  

Hormonal changes play a significant role in shaping a mother’s mental health and the overall pregnancy experience. Thus, understanding the connection between hormones and mental health is essential for fostering self-awareness and reducing stigma. By engaging in self-care strategies and seeking professional care when required, you are equipped to thrive in your pregnancy journey. 

The Hidden Stress of Trying to Conceive: Navigating Fertility Stress

1 in 6 couples in Singapore face difficulties in conceiving naturally. Struggling with fertility stress can cause us to experience feelings of depression and low self-esteem, highlighting the profound impact this stress can have on our mental health. The adverse effects of fertility stress are far-reaching, impacting our mental health as well as putting strains on relationships with our partner, family and friends.  

So what can we do to help with fertility stress?

Understanding Fertility Stress

Struggling to conceive is a deeply personal and emotional journey, and it is completely natural to feel stressed. Pressures of a ticking biological clock and societal expectations may leave you feeling a sense of loss, anxiety and hopelessness.

Stress is our body’s normal response to threatening or overwhelming situations and can result in both physical and mental responses. While we cannot completely get rid of stress, we can first gain a better understanding of it, which will help us learn to better manage it.

When we are stressed, our body releases hormones such as cortisol that can result in an imbalance of key reproductive hormones - estrogen and progesterone. This affects our ovulation and menstrual cycle, which could make it harder to conceive. High stress levels could also result in irregular menstrual cycles, making conception planning unpredictable. In extreme cases, stress can cause anovulation, where our ovaries are unable to release mature eggs.

So stress and fertility difficulties can result in a vicious cycle.

Struggles with fertility may result in distressing emotions like anxiety, frustration and sadness. This emotional toll in turn exacerbates stress levels which causes further disruptions in your body's physiological balance, making fertility challenges even harder to navigate.  

For compelteness, other factors, like ovulation disorders, damaged fallopian tubes, or health conditions like endometriosis can also play a role. 

Managing Your Fertility Stress with Psychological Strategies

Here are strategies we can adopt to regain a sense of control over our bodies. Let’s look at some of them: 

1. Create (Small) Moments of Predictability

Try building in blocks of time where you have “fertility-free” times where you don’t track, research or talk about it. Set aside daily time blocks, morning or evening, for "fertility-free" periods. During these times, avoid tracking symptoms, researching, or discussing fertility. Creating mental space away from the topic can support emotional well-being.

2. Challenge Unfair Self-Criticism

A harsh, often irrational, inner critic tends to rear its ugly head when we think trying to conceive is something that we have control over, or responsibility for (fact: we don’t have control over our genetic or biological makeup). When the self-criticism gets too much, reflect on these critical thoughts and consider:

Ψ Would I say this such unkind words to a friend in my position?
Ψ Is this thought helpful or just punishing?
Ψ What would it mean to be “good enough” right now, instead of perfect?

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3. Relaxation Techniques  

Relaxation techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation and mindful breathing can help ease stress.

When we are stressed, our muscles naturally tense up, causing pain and discomfort. This in turn signals to our bodies that it is stressed and worsens the cycle of stress. In progressive muscle relaxation, you intentionally tense a group of muscles as you inhale, then release the tension as you exhale. You can repeat this process for different muscle groups to promote relaxation in your body. 

Breathing techniques such as 4-7-8 breathing can also help with feelings of anxiety. Here are the steps:

Firstly, ensure you are sitting or lying down comfortably. Next, breathe in through your nose for 4 counts, hold for 7 counts, then exhale through your mouth for 8 counts. These relaxation exercises help reassure your body that it is safe, allowing you to feel calmer.

4. Building (and Relying!) on your Support Systems  

You are not alone. Share about your difficult feelings with your partner or loved ones - fertility stress is not just a women’s issue; men can go through it too. Facing fertility stress together can make a big difference. Communicating how we feel can have a cathartic effect and prevents feelings of isolation.

You may also find comfort in joining fertility support groups like Fertility Support SG where you can connect with others who understand what you are going through and can offer encouragement during this journey. 

5. Final Thoughts on managing fertility stress

Fertility stress can make everything harder.

The fertility process is not just a medical journey - it’s an emotional one, a relational one, and a deeply human one. You don’t have to go through it holding your breath. You can grieve, rage, rest, fall and get up when you’re ready, with supportive people by your side.

And if despite everything, you feel yourself struggling with, consider working with a psychologist to support you to:

Ψ Untangle complicated emotions like guilt, shame or resentment
Ψ Navigate conversations with your partner, family, or doctors
Ψ Reconnect with parts of your life that feel sidelined by fertility stress

Coping After Losing a Loved One to Suicide

You might be asking questions no one can answer. Or feeling emotions that seem to contradict each other: sadness, guilt, anger, even relief, and then guilt again for feeling relief. It’s common. And it doesn’t make you a bad person. Or a bad friend, partner, or sibling.

Grieving after suicide is different. Let’s talk about how to survive it, piece by piece.

Ψ Give space to complicated feelings

You may notice your emotions shifting rapidly. Shock, regret, rage, deep sorrow, numbness. Grief after suicide rarely feels linear.

This is partly because suicide loss carries what we call disenfranchised grief, which is grief that isn’t always openly acknowledged. People don’t know what to say. They avoid the topic altogether. That silence can make you feel even more alone in your pain.

It helps to name what you’re feeling, even just to yourself.

“I’m furious and I miss them.”

“I feel guilty, even though I know it’s not my fault.”

These are complex truths, and they can coexist.

Ψ Let go of the urge to find a neat explanation

After suicide, the mind often goes into detective mode: Was there a clue I missed? Was there something I could have done?

This kind of thinking is natural. It’s a way our brain tries to regain control after something that feels senseless.

But suicide is almost never the result of a single moment, or a single failure. It’s often the culmination of prolonged internal distress that the person may have hidden well. Hindsight can make things look clearer than they ever were at the time.

Guilt and responsibility are heavy burdens to carry but they’re not the same as truth. Acknowledge the desire to believe that you could have done more. But remind yourself it is not realistic.

Ψ Stay connected, especially when you want to withdraw

Grief has a way of isolating us. You may feel like no one could possibly understand, or that it’s easier to stay quiet. But staying connected, even in small ways, is protective.

Talk to someone who can sit with your pain without rushing to fix it. It may be a friend, a therapist, or someone in a support group who’s walked this road too.

If words are hard, you can start with presence. Sit beside someone. Share a cup of tea. Let yourself be around people who make space for you as you are.

 Ψ Engage in rituals that help you make meaning

When someone dies by suicide, there is often no goodbye, no closure. You might be left with unsaid words or unresolved hurt.

Creating your own rituals can help bridge that gap. You might write a letter, light a candle, revisit a shared place, or do something they once loved doing. These are ways of continuing bonds, something grief researchers have found can help the healing process.

Remembering the whole person, their humour, their kindness, their struggles, can help shift your focus from how they died to how they lived.

Ψ Notice how grief is showing up in your body

Grief doesn’t just affect your thoughts. It can show up physically. Fatigue, heaviness in your chest, disrupted sleep or appetite changes.

It’s okay to rest more. To eat simple meals. To let yourself do less.

Some people find movement helpful, like short walks, stretches, even just stepping outside for a few minutes. Others find comfort in breathing exercises or grounding techniques (like naming what you see, hear, and feel in the present).

Caring for your body while grieving isn’t about “fixing” anything. It’s about creating small moments of safety, or “normalcy”.

Ψ If the grief becomes too heavy

Sometimes, especially with traumatic or sudden loss, the pain can tip into despair. You might find yourself overwhelmed with thoughts you didn’t expect, or a numbness that feels frightening.

If this happens, please reach out. Call a helpline. Speak to a psychologist. Let someone know that it’s too much right now.

You don’t have to wait until you're “really struggling”. There’s no threshold of suffering you need to meet before you ask for support.

What healing might look like, eventually…

You may not believe this now, but the pain won’t always feel this raw. Over time, many people find that their relationship with the loss changes.

You may begin to remember with more warmth than pain. You may speak their name again. You may laugh without guilt. These are not signs you’ve “moved on”. They’re signs you’re learning to live alongside the loss.

Grief is not something to “get over”. It’s something you live with. And in that living, you can still find joy, meaning and connection.

If you’ve lost a loved one to suicide and are struggling to cope, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

You are surviving something deeply painful. And you deserve care through it. Let us know if you need a listening ear.

Trauma Anniversaries: Understanding how you feel and how to cope

Trauma anniversaries can be a result of private (e.g. sexual assault, domestic violence or childhood abuse) or public trauma (e.g. natural disasters, terrorist attacks or political violence). Whether private or public, trauma anniversaries can stir up intense emotions and symptoms. These reactions are normal, and they are known as anniversary reactions.   

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Why do trauma anniversaries occur? 

Trauma affects both our minds and bodies. When a traumatic event occurs, our body activates its fight, flight, or freeze response to protect us from the overwhelming danger. When this trauma is not fully processed, this survival response becomes overactive. Resultingly, cues that remind us of the traumatic event can trigger this intense reaction, even when there is no real threat.  

As the trauma anniversary nears, we may feel more on edge as our body reacts to perceived threats. These cues can be internal, such as emotional or physical states (i.e. feeling the same emotions or bodily sensations felt during the trauma). Cues can also be external, such as time-based (i.e. seasonal changes, time of year) or environmental triggers (i.e. sights, sounds, smells). Encountering a cue can activate the body’s survival response and can leave you feeling anxious, nervous or scared. 

However, these trauma reminders are not always negative. In some cases, they can support the healing process. For example, the anniversary of a loss may bring memories of a loved one and offer space to process your grief more deeply. Media coverage of a public tragedy can also rally survivors together and facilitate community support. 

For trauma anniversary signs in children and how to support them, check out our parenting guide.

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Trauma Anniversary Symptoms  

Trauma anniversaries can often make PTSD symptoms worse. You may experience feelings of self-judgement and question “Why am I still bothered by this?”. Or you may face anticipation anxiety, dreading the day for fear you will struggle.  

Other common symptoms include: 

• Reliving the event 

• Most common symptom  

• Re-experiencing the feelings, bodily responses and thoughts that occurred during the trauma  

• Avoidance  

• Avoidance of anything related to the traumatic event (i.e. people, places, objects) 

• Negative changes in beliefs and feelings  

• Old thoughts or feelings of guilt or shame may return  

• Daily mood affected (e.g. sad, anxious, nervous)  

• Affects how they relate to others (i.e. friends and family) 

• Feeling “on edge” (hyperarousal) 

• Constantly feeling jittery, nervous or worried  

• Difficulties sleeping or having nightmares  

• More reactive to small triggers (i.e. irritable, easy to anger) 

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How can we feel better? 

Over time, the distress will become less frequent and less intense. Most people start to feel better within a week or two after the anniversary of the traumatic event. While symptoms can feel overwhelming, there are effective strategies to help you cope.  

1. Caring for Your Physical Health  

Your physical health pays a big role in your mental well-being. A balanced diet, regular exercise and sufficient rest is especially important when dealing with trauma anniversaries, as they help regulate emotions and build emotional resilience. 

Exercise releases endorphins, commonly known as “happy hormones” that reduce anxiety and boost our mood. What you eat can significantly impact your mood. So, eating nutrient-rich foods can ensure your energy levels are stable and improve your feelings of anxiety, fatigue or irritability. Lastly, rest is crucial in facilitating recovery from trauma. Sleep helps restore your brain function, regulates your moods and calms your nervous system. Rest is not a luxury; it’s a necessity when coping with anniversary trauma.  

2. Lean on your loved ones 

When facing something as heavy as trauma, it is important to surround yourself with people who make you feel safe, seen and supported. Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries, listen without judgement and show genuine concern. Remember, you are not alone! When trauma anniversary symptoms surface, reach out to someone you trust to get support. 

3. Journalling  

Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a powerful way to reduce your anniversary trauma symptoms. Writing it down can help you acknowledge and process all the complex emotions you may be feeling. It can express emotions or thoughts that are too hard to say out loud, providing an outlet to reduce emotional overwhelm and facilitate healing.  

4. Try Calming Exercises  

Heart pounding, hands shaking and thoughts racing – when our survival response takes over, it can be difficult to steady ourselves admists the overwhelming emotions. Mindfulness exercises can help bring awareness to our emotions, calm our nervous system, and reground us to the present.  

5. Seek Professional Help 

Trauma is not something to dismiss or minimise. When left unaddressed, it can become deeply rooted and lead to serious mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety and emotional dysregulation. Sometimes, self-care alone is not enough – and that is okay! There is no shame in asking for help. Just like how you would visit a doctor when your body’s not feeling well, it can be helpful to visit a mental health professional if you have been struggling with your mental health. Therapists, counsellors and psychologists are trained to create a safe space where you feel supported, understood and heard. Asking for help is the bravest thing you can do for yourself. 

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Anniversary trauma and the distressing feelings, thoughts and physical symptoms it brings can be incredibly difficult to face. Navigating trauma can sometimes feel like an endless dark tunnel. But take heart – healing is possible. Lean on those who love you and be patient with yourself.  

Healing is never linear. Every small step forward makes all the difference to recovery. 

Supporting a Loved One Who Fell for a Scam

As they share their stories, you might try to make sense of what happened. How could they trust a stranger? There might be the urge to question and comment on how they could be fall for a scam. 

But Hold On.... 

Chances are, they already knew the warning signs. They probably read the news about scammers and the victims too. Yet, scams are designed to outsmart even the savviest people. We know that you care and want to help, but a lecture isn’t what they need now. They need your understanding, empathy, and support at this moment to help them process. 

So, How Do I Approach This? 

The best way to approach this is to guide the conversation gently and constructively. This means just being there to help them process their experience, offering emotional reassurance, and figuring out practical steps to move forward together.  

Start by understanding what happened without rushing into solutions. 

Ψ Show Your Genuine Care and Curiosity 

Your loved one might not feel ready to share everything immediately. They could feel hesitant, withdrawn, or even overwhelmed after the incident. Scams often leave victims feeling vulnerable, so it’s understandable why they might feel so. 

You can help create a safe and judgement-free space by asking open-ended and neutral questions. For example: 

• “How are you feeling now?” 

• “Do you want to tell me more about it? 

Rather than asking them questions on how the scam happened (we know you’re curious!), give them space to share what they want, when they are ready. This shows that you genuinely care and are willing to give them room to share at their own pace. Remember to be patient, let them lead the conversation, and avoid pushing for answers. 

Ψ Recognise and Validate Their Emotions 

Once they begin to share, let them know their feelings are valid and it’s okay to feel embarrassed, angry, guilty, or devastated. These emotions are a natural response to a difficult experience. 

Here are some useful phrases: 

• “It’s completely normal to feel upset about this. If this happens to me, I will feel the same too.” 

• “This doesn’t define you—scammers are incredibly skilled at tricking people.” 

• “You’re not alone. It happens to so many people, and it’s not your fault.” 

 By validating their emotions without judgment, you help ease the weight of shame or guilt they might be carrying. 

Ψ Clarify the Details (Gently) 

Victims of scams often face self-blame and shame. It would be completely normal for them to feel an array of thoughts and emotions. Gentle questions allow them to process the incident and all that has happened.  

You can start off by asking “Do you want to talk more about how the scam happened?” to assess if they are ready for the conversation. If they are, you could try asking the following questions: 

• “Do you remember what they said or did to convince you?” 

• “Did they provide any links, documents, profiles or phone numbers?” 

• “What kind of payment were they asking for, and how did you make it?” 

It’s okay if they don’t remember every detail or aren’t ready to share everything. The goal is to provide clarity without pressuring them. 

How Can I Help Them Now? 

Victims are often left feeling helpless or unsure of what to do next. You can find out if any steps have been taken and their current priority. Some questions you can use are: 

• “How can I help you now?” 

• “Have you contacted your bank?”  

• “Do you need me to accompany you to make a report?” 

If they’re open to it, you could guide them through the steps of: 

• Reporting the scam on ScamShield or the Singapore Police Force

• Contacting their bank to secure their accounts 

• Reminding them to update their passwords to ensure account safety 

If they feel emotionally distressed, consider suggesting or practicing coping strategies with them. 

Ψ Mindfulness: The S.T.O.P Technique 

Victims often dwell on the past (how they were scammed) or worry about the future (what to do next). This technique helps them focus on the present: 

S - “Stop what we are doing for a moment.” 

T - “Take deep, mindful breaths together.” 

O - “Observe your thoughts, emotions or bodily sensations (e.g., tension in the shoulder, chest tightness).” 

P - “Proceed with what we can do next (e.g., address emotions, take practical steps or plan for the future etc.)” 

Ψ Journaling 

Encourage them to journal as a way to externalise their thoughts and process their emotions. They might start by acknowledging their experience, such as “I have been scammed, and I feel angry”. They can then write about what’s on their mind and reflect on questions like, “What would I say to a friend who went through this?” and “How can I be kinder to myself?” 

Ψ Guide Them to Professional Help 

Continue to check-in regularly to see how they’re coping. If the emotional or financial aftermath feels too overwhelming, suggest seeking professional support. For financial concerns, finding a support group with individuals in similar situations can provide a sense of solidarity. By doing so, it is a sign of strength and a journey towards recovery. 

For emotional and psychological concerns, if self-help strategies don’t seem to be enough, it might be better to seek professional help from a psychologist or counsellor. These professionals can help them process any trauma or distress caused by the scam and offer tools to rebuild confidence, manage anxiety, and navigate the healing process.  

For a deeper understanding of how to navigate this phase, they can explore more resources on How to Cope with Being Scammed (link).  

Don’t Forget About Yourself 

Supporting a loved one after they’ve been scammed can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to shoulder the burden alone. Scammers exploit emotions, and the responsibility for their actions is not yours to bear. If the situation feels too heavy, lean on someone you trust—a friend, family member, or professional to process your feelings of frustration, anxiety, or helplessness. 

By prioritising your well-being, you’ll be in a better position to support your loved one. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s essential. 

Video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOPz4_ryviE  

10 Habits of People Living with C-PTSD

As a form of protection to themselves, they may cope in the following ways. 

1. Isolating Themselves  

Withdrawing from others gives them a sense of safety and security. Avoiding people, objects or situations that remind them of the traumatic event and trigger painful memories prevents them from feeling anxious. 

2. Emotional Detachment  

In addition to physical isolation, they may also emotionally detach themselves from others. This detachment helps them avoid questions or conversations from concerned well-wishers, families and friends that could unintentionally result in them revisiting the traumatic experience. 

3. Over-accommodating Others 

When interaction with others is unavoidable, those with C-PTSD may exhibit a tendency to people-please. They prioritise others needs over their own, going out of their way to ensure that others are cared for – often at the expense of their own well-being. 

4. Hyperarousal or “Always being on-guard” 

Those with C-PTSD often experience hyperarousal, which is a heightened state of alertness. They may constantly feel a sense of threat, so they stay ready to fight or flee at any moment. Even minor occurrences such as a sudden noise or movement could startle them.  

5. Poor Sleep Hygiene 

Being in a constant state of vigilance or “fight-or-flight” mode can cause sleep interferences as the body struggles to calm its nervous system. Many struggle with falling or staying asleep and may feel perpetually tired as a result.

To cope with the sleep difficulties, some individuals may turn to excesses, such as exercise, work, substance/alcohol use, etc, as elaborated further below. While helpful in the short-run, these sleep strategies lead to further implications in the individuals in the long-run.

6. Suppressing Emotions 

Not only do persons with C-PTSD avoid expressing their emotions, but they may also actively try and block out their emotions. This acts as a defense mechanism, preventing themselves from having to relive the experience.  

7. Irritability and Emotional Reactivity 

Persons with C-PTSD may experience heightened anxiety levels and feel irritable, causing them to lash out at others. These feelings of anxiety can be very distressing, and so additional stressors, however small they may seem, can cause one to feel angry or unpleasant. Constant irritableness can also impact interpersonal relationships, resulting in challenges in establishing and maintaining healthy connections with others.  

8. Persistent Self-Doubt 

Experiencing prolonged trauma – especially in situations where they were unable to protect or advocate for themselves – can cause individuals to lose trust in their own judgement. This self-doubt can be deeply rooted, leading them to question their abilities, decisions and worth.

9. Self-destructive Behaviours 

To cope with feelings of anxiety or escape distressing and intrusive thoughts, some persons with C-PTSD may turn to harmful coping strategies such as substance use or self-harm. While these behaviours offer temporary relief, they often exacerbate the emotional pain in the long term. 

10. Overworking as a Distraction 

Often deemed as workaholics, those with C-PTSD may get into the habit of overworking themselves to distract themselves from their trauma. While this may seem productive, working excessively can become a form of avoidance, preventing them from processing their emotional experiences, putting them at risk of burnout. 

These behaviours are common coping mechanisms exhibited by persons suffering from C-PTSD. While they may help individuals get through the day, they do not directly address the root causes of C-PTSD. If you or a loved one are struggling with any of these patterns, support from a mental health professional can be a crucial step toward healing and long-term recovery.   

Written by Yi Ling and our Associate Psychologist

Women’s Emotional Concerns

This is an overgeneralisation to say the least. How emotional “should” we really be?  

In the 19th century, doctors removed uteruses to treat “hysteria”, a so-called “female-problem.” But, surprise! Here in the 21st century, we have found out that men are just as emotional as women: in fact, men and women experience similar emotional fluctuations.  

Society tends to be more accepting of women expressing emotions compared to men. As a result of these gender norms, women may have more opportunities to develop emotional awareness through lived experiences.  

With multiple roles and identities in our daily lives, women are often weighed against the expectations of culture and society. As a result, we experience a whole range of emotions, which sometimes become too much to manage. When we feel like we’re losing control, we may start to experience emotional distress.  

What emotional challenges are commonly experienced by women?  

Ψ Biological 

There are many biological reasons we feel heightened emotions. Most of them relate to hormonal changes that occur in different stages of our lives. Since puberty, we experience the menstrual cycle. It prepares our bodies for pregnancy, and eventually ends with menopause. 

The key “female hormones”, oestrogen and progesterone, ebb and flow according to these processes. Associated with other hormones like cortisol and adrenaline (the stress hormones), they cause us to feel changes in energy and mood. 

In addition to mood changes, we often endure pain and discomfort from these biological processes. Balancing these with our roles and responsibilities can make coping challenging. 

Ψ Psychosocial 

You are a woman: a daughter, a mother, a wife, an employee, a caregiver...  

Women often find ourselves juggling multiple roles.  

Juggling these roles can become a major source of stress for women, since it involves managing relationships. How do we meet both society’s expectations and our own for every role we play?  

How we cope with these challenges depend on our personality traits and experiences, which influences our emotional responses. When we struggle to cope, we could experience burnout or overwhelm. This puts us at an increased risk of mental health conditions depression and anxiety. 

Here are some examples of psychosocial stressors women face: 

• Reproductive and sexual health 

• Work-life balance 

• Gender discrimination 

• Body image and self-esteem issues 

• Relationship issues (parenting, partners and family dynamics) 

• Mental health conditions 

Coping with women’s emotional concerns 

There are many ways we can explore our emotions and the concerns that come along with them. Consider giving some of these strategies a try! 

• Build self-esteem through Positive Self-Talk 

• Try Stress Management Strategies 

• Practice self-care through Mindfulness  

Feeling lost? Let us assure you: you’re not alone. The empathy we women can provide each other with can create a safe and supportive community for us to lean on. By showing our compassion and harnessing our unique strengths, we can navigate challenging emotional concerns. 

For specialised help, contact our experienced Women’s Health Psychologists. We are ready to support you through the exciting journey of womanhood.  

Understanding Disordered Eating and Mental Health

Misconceptions of Disordered Eating
Credit: TEDx Talks

Wait! Disordered eating or eating disorder? Aren’t they the same?

Not exactly! While they share some similarities, they are different.

An “eating disorder” is a clinical diagnosis, with specific criteria for conditions like anorexia or bulimia.

On the other hand, “disordered eating” refers to unhealthy eating behaviours or patterns that don’t meet the full criteria for an eating disorder.

Someone with disordered eating may not have an eating disorder, but people with eating disorders often exhibit disordered eating behaviours. Disordered eating is quite common and can often go unnoticed, as it may show up in small actions you might do daily without realising.

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How do I know if I have disordered eating and not an eating disorder?

While there is no single, perfect guideline on what constitutes “normal eating” as each of our bodies is different, healthy eating is about nourishing our body in a balanced and flexible way. Not overly restrictive, preoccupied, or obsessed (binging, excessive calorie counting).

The golden rule: eat when hungry and stop when satiated (not when you’re about to unbutton your pants).

Whether it’s 3 regular meals a day, or smaller portions but more frequently, our food intake should have all the necessary nutrients our body needs.

In contrast, disordered eating can fly under the radar because its signs are usually more subtle. In contrast, eating disorders are generally more severe and easier to spot. For more information, read more about eating disorders here.

But when it comes to disordered eating, here are a few behaviours to take note of:

Ψ     Eating when stressed or for comfort
Ψ     Eating when not hungry or not for nourishment
Ψ     Following restrictive diets
Ψ     Fasting for extended periods (more than 24 hours)
Ψ     Regularly skipping meals
Ψ     Episodes of binge eating
Ψ     Using diet pills to control weight
Ψ     Misusing diuretics, laxatives, or enemas
Ψ     Feeling guilty after eating or for eating certain foods

If any of these sound familiar, it may be time to reflect on our relationship with food.

Here’s a short summary of the differences between disordered eating and eating disorders:

Disordered Eating	Eating Disorders
Eating for emotional reasons	Frequently thinking about food
Eating to cope with distress	Extreme calorie concern
Rigid rituals or routines around food and exercise	Fixation on weight and body shape
Occasional calorie restriction or bingeing	Disruption in daily life
Selective eating	Significant weight changes

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Disordered Eating and Mental Health: The Connection

While disordered eating might seem less severe than an eating disorder, it can still impact both physical and mental health over time.

Disordered eating often stems from emotional reasons, particularly to cope with distress. This distress may come from feeling heightened stress in our lives, or anxiety about our weight, health or appearance.

For example, finding ourselves rummaging through the office pantry right after lunch because we’re feeling stressed or skipping dinner because we’re already full from snacks, telling ourselves, "I need to lose weight.”

Soon after, feelings of regret and guilt may arise, whether from eating or restricting food. This can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, or feeling unsatisfied, prompting behaviours like skipping meals or overeating. This cycle of stress, eating, guilt and restriction can create a pattern that’s hard to break.

If you notice the signs, it might be time to check in on your emotional needs.

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Okay, I think... I might have it. So, what should I do now to stop it?

The key is to start from within. Addressing disordered eating isn't just about changing eating habits – it's also about understanding the emotional and mental factors that drive these behaviours. Here are some steps you can take:

Ψ    Gather knowledge and check in with yourself often

Start by learning the signs of disordered eating and eating disorders, just like you’re doing now! Recognising these patterns early can help you catch them before they become more ingrained.

Mindfulness plays a big role here. Stay grounded and present and be aware of your emotions and physical cues. Eat when you’re hungry and try to differentiate between physical hunger and emotional hunger.  

Ψ    Try alternative coping mechanisms

If you’re using food to deal with emotions like stress or sadness, or even binge eating when you’re feeling happy, try adopting healthier ways to manage your emotions and eating, such as:

• Exercise: Physical activity can help relieve stress and improve mood.

• Creative hobbies: Engage in activities like painting, writing, or crafting to channel your emotions in a productive way.

• Heathy snacks: Opt for nutritious options like fruits.  

Ψ    Avoid fad diets

Fad diets often promise quick results but can harm your body and disrupt healthy eating habits.

Focused on balanced, long-term changes (choosing healthier options, or preparing your own meals) instead of drastic restrictions that can lead to disordered eating behaviours.

Ψ    Self-positive encouragement

Celebrate small victories! Even the tiniest steps toward healthier behaviours, deserve recognition. Use positive self-talk to motivate yourself. You could say things like:

• “Good job to me! I didn’t overeat, even though I loved the food!”

• “I made it! I didn’t skip any meals this week!”

Sometimes, enjoying a good meal can be a form of celebration – just remember to enjoy it in the right portion and be aware of when you feel satiated. 

Okay, but what is the right portion?
There’s a Chinese saying, “qi (7) fen bao, gang gang hao,” which means “eat until you’re 70% full.” This could be the balanced portion your body needs.

Ψ    Set realistic goals

Don’t expect to change everything overnight. Set achievable, small goals that focus on improving your relationship with food and your body. This could be as simple as:

• Eating 3 regular meals per day

• Reducing emotional eating from 5 times a week to 3 times

Lastly, if you’re struggling to manage disordered eating on your own, reaching out for professional support is a great next step. Therapists, dietitians, or counsellors specialised in eating behaviours can guide you toward healthier coping strategies and a balanced relationship with food.