How to Practice Active Listening

How to Be A Good Listener

Are you really listening to someone?

Have your loved ones felt worse after sharing their experience with you? Or have you felt misunderstood and not heard by your loved ones after confiding in them?

These are common encounters and it is frustrating to not be able to help our loved ones feel better. So how can we prevent such situations and improve on our understanding of others? The answer is to practice active listening! 

What is active listening?

Active listening is a technique of listening and responding that encourages in-depth comprehension and enhances mutual understanding. It emphasizes the importance of both nonverbal and verbal behaviours, unconditional acceptance, and unbiased reflection of the speaker’s feelings and experiences.

Active listening is commonly used in situations such as during counselling, training, getting feedbacks, and solving disputes. It is also an important part of effective communication and building trusting relationships! 

The powerful benefits of being an active listener

1. Build trust and stronger bonds through active listening 

Knowing that they will not be judged or interrupted when sharing, people will feel safe and comfortable to confide in you. This is very important when it comes to building trust and relationships. And when you engage in more conversations and sharing with others, you will get to know the speaker more and form a stronger and closer bond together! 

2. How active listening resolves miscommunication issues  

Any miscomprehension of information can be corrected and processed to prevent further misunderstanding. When we ask questions, we are gathering the information we need to solve any communication problems. We will get to clarify the intentions and true feelings of others, which may have come across to us differently.   

3. The role of active listening in capturing and retaining key information 

Research has shown that we can remember conversations better when we are actively contributing to the conversation. Active learning allows us to listen and participate in the conversation such that we won’t miss out on important information and can remember them better.    

4. Emotional benefits of active listening 

Active listening creates a sense of emotional awareness that helps the speakers feel better as the listeners acknowledge their feelings. The neutral setting and non-judgemental environment also help the speakers to keep calm and not get defensive. This also prevents them from bottling up their emotions, which will only make them feel worse and result in more problems in the future.

Now that we know the importance and impact of active listening in our day-to-day interactions, it’s time to learn about the skills involved! 

Mastering active listening skills to become a better listener, for better communication 

Ψ Be Present In The Conversation 

  • Face the speaker with an open posture (e.g. arms and legs uncrossed) to show your interest in the conversation and that you are giving your full attention. 

  • Maintain eye contact to show respect to the speaker and that you are actively listening.  

  • Give small nods or a simple verbal comment (e.g. uh-huh/mm hmm) to encourage the speaker to continue sharing without being interruptive.  

  • Avoid turning your attention to surrounding factors and put aside distracting thoughts! 
     

Ψ Do not interrupt when the speaker is sharing 

  • Allow the speaker to finish talking before asking questions or responding. 

  • Do not prepare to counter with a rebuttal — we are not here to put down anyone or make counterarguments to determine who is right or wrong!  

  • Have a short wait time after the speaker spoke as it will sometimes prompt him/her to add on more details that he/she is reluctant or hesitate to share previously  

Ψ Be observant during conversations  

  • Observe the speaker’s body language — is he/she showing signs of nervousness or anxiety despite saying he/she is fine?   

  • Notice the tone of his/her voice.  

  • Listen between the lines — what does the speaker want, how does he/she truly feel? 

Ψ Clarifying questions 

  • Does the speaker want solutions or advice from us or simply just want us to empathize with him/her? 

  • This allows better understanding as our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear and understand.  

  • E.g. “I don’t understand what you meant by…”, “What do you mean when you said...”, “Would you prefer if I suggest solutions or just be a listening ear?”
     

Ψ Rephrase or summarise what you heard 

  • This will help you process and reflect on what you heard. 

  • The speaker can correct you if there is any misinterpretation. 

  • The speaker will feel heard and understood by you. 

  • E.g. “Am I right to say that...”, “….is that what you mean?”, “Sounds like you are saying...” 




Fun fact: Did you know that our short-term memory can only hold information for up to 30 seconds?

Therefore, we need to actively listen to one another to make sure there is no miscommunication and we can bring our message across accurately. It is also important to treat others in a way that you think they would appreciate or you would want them to treat you. It takes time and conscious effort to become a better listener, but with practice and love for your loved ones, you will definitely master active listening quickly! 

You may also wish to seek professional help with one of our experienced clinical psychologists together with your loved ones to have an in-depth discussion on how to improve your communication skills and forge stronger relationships! 

Setting Healthy Boundaries for Mental Wellbeing

Understanding Healthy Boundaries: What Are They and Why Are They Important?

Boundaries set intangible and tangible limits to life. Boundaries are essential yet often difficult to establish.  

“I don’t want conflicts, it’s just easier this way.” 

“Sigh, my boss asked me to OT out of nowhere, I already had plans, I wished he told me sooner.” 

“I only gave in to him (intimate partner) because I’m afraid he would think that I don’t love him otherwise.” 

Do these statements sound familiar?

Many times, we struggle to set boundaries in our daily lives in fear that it will cause unnecessary conflicts or it will make us look bad. As a result, we may face inconveniences; be it doing things out of our way or getting bullied into doing things we may not be 100% comfortable with.

This is fortunately very common and you’re not alone for the sole reason that we, humans, are social creatures. We place great value in the relationships around us, and sometimes in the process, may forgo ourselves and our own needs.

However, setting healthy boundaries are essential for our mental and physical health, because your needs matter too! Here are some steps to kickstart creating healthy boundaries in your life:

The Art of Enforcing Boundaries: Tips for Establishing and Maintaining Healthy Limits

1. Take a step back and think about what matters most to you 

Some questions to get the ball rolling: 

  1. What is important to you?  

  2. What are your values?  

  3. What are some things that make you uncomfortable?

  4. What are some things you have difficulty asking for?  

This helps you organize your thoughts and understand what you feel strongly for, what your values are, and what your priorities are. Doing so allows you to gain a clearer idea on what boundaries you would like to put in place.  

2. Be clear and precise when stating what matters to you 

You want to be heard and understood with clarity. Allowing others to first understand your boundaries will reduce misunderstandings, and stop the vicious cycle of constantly feeling like your boundaries are being violated. 

Here’s an example:

You may have a personal boundary of not wanting others to invade your personal space. When you fail to let this boundary be known, and get upset or angry when your personal space is being violated, others may misunderstand this as you being upset further violated your personal space with the intention to comfort you. This could result in you feeling more uncomfortable as your personal space is being violated. This can be avoided with the communication of your boundary. 

You may want to attempt this with those you’re most comfortable with, such as your partner, family members, or close friends. 

An example of being clear and precise when delivering your boundaries to others:  

 
 

3. Be assertive when stating your boundaries and follow through with the consequences you’ve stated should the boundary be violated 

Avoid engaging in the subsequent feelings of guilt or shame of that boundary, you may waiver in that situation. Not following through with the consequences you’ve stated will reduce the respect one has for the boundary you’ve stated. 

An example of delivering your boundaries assertively:  

 
 

In this case, if individual still proceeds with vulgarities, leave the conversation instead of continuing to engage in the conversation.

4. Don’t be sorry or afraid when asking for help, even with the possibility of rejection  

We tend to subconsciously start off a sentence with “I’m sorry but…” when asking for help. It is completely normal to ask for help, so be confident about it. Your needs are as important as other people’s needs. Asking for help does not mean you are incompetent, but rather, a task could simply require additional clarification or it could be out of your area of expertise - this happens to even the best of us.

However, there are times where help may not readily come your way when you need them. Respectfully accept the “no” just like how you would like your “no” to be respectfully accepted and find someone else who can help you.

5. Don’t be afraid to say “no” 

This may be difficult for some in fear of “looking bad” or “being viewed as lazy or not a team player”. However, as much it is important to help others, it should not be done at the expense of yourself. This is in not suggesting that you be selfish or self-centered, but to respect the boundaries of your personal time, personal capabilities, and what may be out of your control.   

Saying “no” can be done assertively yet respectfully.  

Examples of ways you can say “no” assertively yet respectfully:  

 
 

6. Be in charge of your own needs  

This will require you to understand what matters most to you. You know yourself best, including your needs. Avoid depending on others to meet your needs or to tell you what is best for you. Setting boundaries based on your own needs is in no way being selfish, but a form of self-love and self-care. Be fair to yourself and be mindful about putting yourself in avoidable situations that may end up being undesirable.   

Establishing clear healthy boundaries may be uncomfortable for some, but remember that your needs matter too. Start off with those closest to you to build your confidence! 

Is Instagram Therapy Enough for Real Mental Health?

Is it Therapy?

Is Instagram therapy enough?

It is important to first clarify is that “Instagram therapy” is not a form of psychotherapy. In fact, it is not “therapy” at all!

What is Psychotherapy?

Psychotherapy requires committed engagement with trained psychologists who utilise evidence-based techniques and approaches to investigate a mental health concern and work with the client collaboratively to reduce or minimise the impairment or impact of the mental health concern. Therapy must be specific and customised as no two persons are completely alike; we each have unique life experiences and circumstances.

Psychotherapy vs. Instagram Therapy

This means that the content or engagement published on Instagram or Facebook should not be regarded as therapy. At best, such content should be regarded as a type of psychoeducational content.

And as with all other kinds of purported educational content, we must think about how the content is delivered and whether they are credible or helpful.

According to the internet, there are roughly 1 billion users on Instagram, 1.2 billion users on Tik Tok, and 2.9 billion users on Facebook. Social media has become a ubiquitous medium for content consumption that can be harnessed for a good cause.

But not everything you read might be applicable or useful, or worse, true.

Navigating Instagram Therapy: Differentiating Psychoeducation from Professional Help

Many users of social media use these platforms to follow or create interesting content, advance personal or professional goals, or associate with like-minded people. It should come as no surprise that content creators want to create content that users want to consume, focusing on the usual metrics of increasing likes and followers or monetising their followers. There is a ton of mental health information that is shared online every day, often by self-proclaimed experts with little experience, research, or actual clinical practice, often with the aim of gaining followers or likes.

Over time, many come to rely on these celebrity psychologists for their ‘daily dose’ and mistaking that as a connection with the psychologist on some level, or worse, regarding that content as online or group therapy.

Some say that mental health channels on social media are like self-help books: addictive, unhelpful, and designed to keep you coming back for more.

It is against this backdrop that we should analyse mental health information that we consume on the Internet.

So when you next scroll through the pages of your favourite Instagram Therapists or Psychologists, please bear these in mind:

Ψ Is the content from a reliable source?
Ψ What are the factors motivating the content creator to produce this content?
Ψ Does this person spend more time on clinical practice or on social media?

Social Media Ethics in Mental Health

It is important to note that:

Ψ Social media is not a substitute for therapy.

  • Reading mental health information online can help you understand or learn something about yourself, but it is not a replacement for formal therapy.

Ψ No therapy can be done over social media.

  • While well-meaning psychologists might create content to psychoeducate the general public, others blindly produce or reproduce material to attract likes and followers with the intention of aggressively promoting their services.

Ψ Social media should not be relied upon during a crisis.

  • Mental health content should be viewed purely for what they are – generic, non-specific and informational in nature that serves a vital psychoeducational purpose within the community.

  • Because non-mental health professionals are very likely the target audience of such psychoeducational material, it must go without saying that psychologists and other mental health professionals should abide by regulatory, professional, and ethical guidelines when dispensing mental health information whether on online or during clinical practice.

Psychology on Social Media: A Tool for Destigmatizing Mental Health Issues

When presented responsibly, psychologists on social media help to break the stigma associated with mental health. They break down complex mental health conditions into digestible bite chunks for any person with a smart device to consume. They explain difficult psychological disorders and concepts with infographics, animation, and beautiful pictures. The amount of useful information that is put out by some of these professionals who have dedicated years of their lives to acquire their knowledge and expertise is staggering.

And of course, some are visually beautiful presented and simply a delight to consume.

Keep calm and scroll on!

Dealing with Work Stress and Preventing Burnout

Work stress is common, and in small doses it can even be motivating. But when stress becomes constant or starts affecting sleep, mood, or daily functioning, it helps to respond early. This guide explores common sources of work stress and offers practical strategies, from speaking with your manager and leaning on support, to setting clearer boundaries, taking restorative breaks, and reframing unhelpful thinking patterns. If stress feels overwhelming, professional support can help you regain steadiness and prevent burnout.

Read more

How to Practice Mindfulness

What is Mindfulness?

How can I practice mindfulness in my daily life? Understanding mindfulness practice and its importance.

Mindfulness is about being present in your experiences in each moment, whether internal or external. Practising mindfulness is particularly important as too often we go about our days doing things automatically, or we get caught up in our worries, thoughts, or distractions, and fail to be fully immersed in our experiences.

There is no end goal or result in Mindfulness. Mindfulness is about being in the present moment. When we are not engaged in worrying about the past or future, the inadvertent result is that we are likely to feel calm.

Mindfulness can be practised with these simple activities that everyone already does on a regular basis.

Mindfulness Activities

1. Breathing 

  1. Sit comfortably in your chair. You may wish to keep your eyes open or close your eyes.

  2. Breathe. Pay attention to the air as it enters your nostrils and into your lungs.   

  3. Is the air warm? Cool?  

  4. Then breathe out through your mouth. Notice your chest and belly deflate as air leaves your lungs.  

  5. Repeat these steps for 1 minute.



2. Walking 

  1. Start walking. Being in a park or place with lush greenery helps. But it doesn’t matter if you do not have access to such places – wherever you are works just as well. 

  2. As you walk, look around and observe your surroundings. There are colours that are dark, and there are colours that are light. Where are they placed within your field of vision? 

  3. Breathe. Feel the temperature of the air – is it warm or cool? 

  4. Touch your earlobes gently as you hear the sounds that are around you. Isolate a sound that you hear.  

  5. Stop walking; close your eyes. Try and listen to that sound for a few moments. What do you hear? 

  6. Open your eyes. As you look around your surroundings, observe whatever object your gaze lands on. Notice the level of detail of that object.   

  7. Continuing walking. As you walk, what sounds do your footsteps make? Can you feel a breeze as you walk? 

  8. Focus on making observations with your eyes, ears, skin, feet, nose:  

    • Where are you walking to? What’s around you? Are there any flowers? How many people are there around? What’s on the floor? Is the floor wet or dry? Is the weather sunny or cloudy? Are there any markings on the floor? Can you hear any sounds of nature despite being in a concrete jungle – are there birds? Which point of your foot lands first? Do you drag your feet? 

  9. Notice the movements of your toes, feet, legs, arms, chest. Notice where your eyes wander to. 



3. Washing of Hands 

  1. As you turn on the tap, put your hands under the running water. Remain still. Is the water cool or warm? 

  2. Rub your hands slowly under the running water. Feel the water in between your hands as you rub, and how your palms touch each other as you rub to and fro. 

  3. Listen to the sound of running water. How does the water sound as your hands go under the tap? 

  4. Look at your hands: do you recognise the marks, scars, lines, nails? 

  5. Focus on making observations with your eyes, ears, hands, palms:  

    • What is the colour of the soap? How would you describe its smell? What is the first action you do when you start washing your hands? Does the soap foam up? What colour does it become? Was the water warm or cold? What colour is your skin turning? Do you see the different shades of colour on your skin?  



4. Mindful Body Scans 

  1. Lie on your back in a comfortable position. Face the ceiling or sky if you are outdoors. If you cannot lie down, you may wish to sit on a chair with your feet resting on the floor. 

  2. Breathe and be still. If you have to move or adjust your position from time to time, that is fine. As you breathe in and out, notice the rhythm of inhalation and exhalation and the way your chest rises and falls. You don’t have to change the way you breathe or hold your breath but remain aware of your breath as you continue to inhale and exhale. 

  3. Now close your eyes. Bring your attention to your body and how it feels. The texture of your clothes against your skin, and the parts of your head, back and legs that rests upon the surface you are on. 

  4. Imagine that you are outside of your body and looking at yourself. Look first at your toes. How do you feel as you look at your toes from the outside of your body? Now shift your gaze upwards as you work systemically from the bottom up: 

    • Your toes and the rest of your feet 

    • Lower legs and calves 

    • Knees 

    • Thighs 

    • Your pelvic region (buttocks, tailbone, pelvic bone, genitals); 

    • Abdomen; 

    • Chest; 

    • Lower back; 

    • Upper back (back ribs & shoulder blades); 

    • Hands (fingers, palms, backs, wrists); 

    • Arms (lower, elbows, upper); 

    • Neck, Face and head (jaw, mouth, nose, cheeks, ears, eyes, forehead, scalp, back top of the head); 

    • Lastly the “blowhole” located on the top of your head – imagine a point on head where air goes in and out like a whale’s blowhole. 



5. Mindful Conversations 

This last one is a group exercise. Mindful listening is an important skill as people crave but are seldom fully “heard” or “seen”. Mindful listening also offers us the opportunity to shift the focus from ourselves or own responses onto the person speaking. 

  1. Gather around several of your friends and/or family. Sit together in a comfortable space (please observe safe distancing rules!). 

  2. Think of one stressful event that you experienced recently. Take turns to speak and share what that stressful event was in the group. 

  3. If you are speaking, speak without reservation or fear that anyone is judging you. If you are listening, listen intently without judgment or forming opinions.  

  4. Notice your bodily sensations, your thoughts and the feelings that flash through your mind before, during, and after each person has spoken.

General Tips for Mindfulness: 

  1. Set aside a few minutes for each activity (at least 20 minutes for the group activity). This ensures you have sufficient time to fully immerse yourself in a mindful experience. 

  2. During each activity, focus on at least 3 of your 5 senses (sight, taste, smell, touch, sound).  

  3. Do not try to ‘push away’ unwanted thoughts or distractions 

  4. Simply take cognisance or accept the thoughts or distractions that flash across your mind. 

  5. Let whatever feeling or emotion you experience simply be. 

  6. Then return your focus back into the experience of simply being mindful and aware of where you are. 

  7. While it is normal to experience distractions during mindfulness activities, practise bringing your attention back onto the mindfulness exercise. Focusing on your senses helps with redirecting attention. With practice, you will be able to effortlessly redirect your attention onto an experience of your choosing. 

  8. Remember to approach Mindfulness exercises in an open and non-judgmental way. Treat your experiences as they are, and acknowledge the distractions, thoughts or even judgments you may experience – these are normal and will arise from time to time.