ANNABELLE PSYCHOLOGY
周泳伶临床心理诊所
clinical psychologists
When you die, you truly end everything. The life you have as you know it - memories, dreams, relationships, experiences, anything.
When you relieve pain, you relieve suffering. But things remain - your life, memories, goals, relationships, control.
For some, wanting the pain to stop is the same as wanting to die.
Here’s where we try to highlight the differences, and to remind you the cold reality of death.
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Music can be comforting, especially when they resonate with our pain and suffering. Countless singers and songwriters have written songs reminding us that we are not alone, even in the darkness.
We couldn’t possibly give you 10 songs about feeling alone or wanting to not be alive, and not give you another 10 songs with messages about fighting these feelings. From a variety of genres, we hope you enjoy our curated list!
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“Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief is the terrible reminder of
the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable.”
- Nick Cave
“Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief is the terrible reminder of the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable.” - Nick Cave
Feelings of helplessness is prevalent when it comes to trying to comfort someone in grief. From our psychologists, here are things to say (and not to) when someone you know is in grief.
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“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark than walk alone in the light.”
- Helen Keller
When someone you care about is struggling with their mental health, the “right” words can feel hard to find. You may worry about saying the wrong thing, or feel pressure to fix what they’re going through. This guide shares 10 simple, supportive phrases you can use to show up with care, validate their experience, and offer steady encouragement, without judgement or forcing solutions.
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What did I eat yesterday? Do I need to do laundry today? When was the last time I had a good laugh?
When life starts to feel like routine survival, it’s natural to wonder what the point of it all is. Meaning is not one-size-fits-all, but research often points to three key strands: purpose, existential mattering, and a sense of understanding how your life fits together. This guide explores what each can look like and offers practical ways to build fulfilment through connection, values, self-reflection, and gentle perspective shifts.
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Picture this scenario:
Jenny is a customer service executive at a logistics firm. Recently, a new employee, Sam, was hired and Jenny is tasked with helping to train Sam. Rather than acting as a mentor to Sam, Jenny instead constantly ignores Sam’s emails, gives him the silent treatment, jokes about him behind his back, and refuses to train him to the best of her ability. Whenever Sam suggests a potential improvement to the workflow, she quickly rejects his viewpoints and gives off an air of superiority.
Passive aggressive colleagues can be the absolute bane of our working life. We already deal with heavy workloads, deadlines, can't we all just get along?
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Learning that you have cancer is a difficult experience. After being diagnosed, it’s natural to feel anxious, numb or angry and wonder how you can live with the long and at times painful days ahead.
Furthermore, it can be hard to deal with the pain resulting from the symptoms or the side effects from cancer treatment, such as medication or chemotherapy.
Cancer treatments can bring about many changes in your body, altering the way you look and how you feel about yourself and your body. The demands of treatment could also influence your personal relationships, making it challenging to navigate your daily life and usual routines. Fortunately, remember that these are obstacles you do not have to face alone.
Here are some tips to help you cope with the diagnosis:
Try to obtain as much basic, useful information about your condition as you need to make informed decisions about your medical care. Information can help you to know what to expect. Taking in information can feel difficult and overwhelming, especially when you have just been diagnosed. Make a list of questions you’d like to ask before you visit the doctor. Consider bringing a family member or friend with you to your appointments to help remind you your questions or to remember what you hear.
Remember that you don’t have to sort everything out at once. It could take some time to deal with each aspect of your condition. Ask for help if you require it.
Plan for changes in advance. You can prepare yourself now so that you will be better equipped to cope later. Check with your doctor what changes you should anticipate. For instance, if the drugs can cause hair loss, you can seek advice and help from image experts about wigs, clothing, or hairpieces to make you feel more comfortable.
In addition, consider how treatment may impact your daily activities. Ask your doctor whether you can expect to continue with your normal routine in case you may need to spend more time in the hospital or have frequent medical appointments.
Maintain your usual routines but be open to modifying them as necessary. Take one day at a time. It’s easy to overlook this simple strategy when you are distressed. When the future is uncertain, organising and planning may suddenly seem overwhelming.
This can improve your energy level. Choose a healthy diet consisting of a variety of foods and get enough rest to help you navigate the stress and fatigue of breast/ovarian cancer and its treatment. Engaging in physical exercise during treatment can also be helpful!
Determine what is important to you in your life. Find some time to engage in the activities that are most meaningful and fulfilling to you.
Spend 3-5 minutes practicing the 60th Birthday Exercise to help you identify what is important to you and how you want to live your life.
Talking about your emotions can be hard, but it can also bring comfort to you and the people who care about you. When you tell your loved ones what you are feeling, you give that person a chance to support you. You also give your relationship with that person a chance to grow.
Cancer may affect your relationships. Communication can help reduce the anxiety and fear that cancer can cause.
When reaching out to others, be specific and clear about the kind of support you need. For example, saying something like, “Could you help me shop for groceries this week?” or “Could you help to drive me to my next doctor’s appointment?” gives a clear indication to your loved ones how to best support you.
Being specific can also cut down frustration and reassure your family and friends that they are being helpful.
Many women might feel uncomfortable with their appearance after having surgery or chemotherapy.
If you had breast surgery or are experiencing hair loss, learn about some of the options available, such as breast prostheses and hair wigs. Give yourself time to adjust to changes and try different solutions until you find what makes you feel most comfortable!
After a breast removal surgery or chemotherapy, you may find that regular activities such as dressing, undressing, bathing or being intimate with your partner or spouse, can give rise to complex emotions.
You might feel so different that you stop taking care of your emotional and physical needs. This might cause you to even distance yourself emotionally from your partner. However, you can always make other choices, such as choosing to remain close to your partner or spouse. You deserve to feel loved and cared for.
Share how you feel about your body and talk about what you think or worry that your partner is feeling.
Whatever your needs are – whether you have a need for physical affection, or if you are not yet interested in being physically intimate – let your partner know. He/she is most likely waiting for your signal to know what to do, how to act and what you need in order to best support you.
Sometimes it will feel as though people who haven’t experienced a cancer diagnosis can’t fully understand how you are feeling. It might help to talk to others who have been in your situation. Other cancer survivors can share their personal experiences and shed some insight into what you can expect during treatment.
You may have a friend or family member who has had cancer. If not, you can also connect with other cancer survivors through local support groups in your area.
Just as each person’s cancer treatment is likely individualised, so can your coping strategy!
Here are some self-care ideas you can try out:
Practise relaxation and mindfulness techniques (e.g., progressive muscle relaxation, breath focus, guided imagery, or loving-kindness meditation)
These methods help cultivate a softer, more spacious and kinder mind, while fostering self-compassion and letting go of inner judgement and hostility towards oneself.
Keep your own personal journal to help organise your thoughts
Finding a source of spiritual support (e.g., from your religion)
Set aside time to be alone each day
Remain engaged with work and leisure activities as much as you can.
Even with various support groups and loved ones, the cancer journey may still feel incredibly lonely. You may wish to speak to a psychologist for support and to help you process complex emotions that may arise. Know that you are not alone, and that there is great strength in asking for help.
Your relationship with oneself involves self-care, self-acceptance, and self-awareness, among other aspects of your life. It impacts your emotional and mental health, as well as your relationship with others around you.
Your relationship with oneself involves self-care, self-acceptance, and self-awareness, among other aspects of your life. It impacts your emotional and mental health, as well as your relationship with others around you.
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If you find that you are starting to dread going to work, getting overwhelmed, or are hatching an escape plan in the immediate future – you might be experiencing burnout.
If you find that you are starting to dread going to work, getting overwhelmed, or are hatching an escape plan in the immediate future – you might be experiencing burnout.
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Life can be demanding. At times, so much so that it feels like we can’t cope.
When this happens, we feel heavy with emotions, as though we are barely hanging on by a thread.
Life can be demanding. At times, so much so that it significantly overwhelms our ability we cope and manage. When this happens, we may feel heavy with emotions, as though we are barely hanging on by a thread. This experience physical and mental exhaustion can takes a great toll on us.
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