Trauma Anniversaries: How to Understand and Cope

Trauma anniversaries can be a result of private (e.g. sexual assault, domestic violence or childhood abuse) or public trauma (e.g. natural disasters, terrorist attacks or political violence). Whether private or public, trauma anniversaries can stir up intense emotions and symptoms. These reactions are normal, and they are known as anniversary reactions.   

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Why do trauma anniversaries occur? 

Trauma affects both our minds and bodies. When a traumatic event occurs, our body activates its fight, flight, or freeze response to protect us from the overwhelming danger. When this trauma is not fully processed, this survival response becomes overactive. Resultingly, cues that remind us of the traumatic event can trigger this intense reaction, even when there is no real threat.  

As the trauma anniversary nears, we may feel more on edge as our body reacts to perceived threats. These cues can be internal, such as emotional or physical states (i.e. feeling the same emotions or bodily sensations felt during the trauma). Cues can also be external, such as time-based (i.e. seasonal changes, time of year) or environmental triggers (i.e. sights, sounds, smells). Encountering a cue can activate the body’s survival response and can leave you feeling anxious, nervous or scared. 

However, these trauma reminders are not always negative. In some cases, they can support the healing process. For example, the anniversary of a loss may bring memories of a loved one and offer space to process your grief more deeply. Media coverage of a public tragedy can also rally survivors together and facilitate community support. 

For trauma anniversary signs in children and how to support them, check out our parenting guide.

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Trauma Anniversary Symptoms  

Trauma anniversaries can often make PTSD symptoms worse. You may experience feelings of self-judgement and question “Why am I still bothered by this?”. Or you may face anticipation anxiety, dreading the day for fear you will struggle.  

Other common symptoms include: 

• Reliving the event 

• Most common symptom  

• Re-experiencing the feelings, bodily responses and thoughts that occurred during the trauma  

• Avoidance  

• Avoidance of anything related to the traumatic event (i.e. people, places, objects) 

• Negative changes in beliefs and feelings  

• Old thoughts or feelings of guilt or shame may return  

• Daily mood affected (e.g. sad, anxious, nervous)  

• Affects how they relate to others (i.e. friends and family) 

• Feeling “on edge” (hyperarousal) 

• Constantly feeling jittery, nervous or worried  

• Difficulties sleeping or having nightmares  

• More reactive to small triggers (i.e. irritable, easy to anger) 

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How can we feel better? 

Over time, the distress will become less frequent and less intense. Most people start to feel better within a week or two after the anniversary of the traumatic event. While symptoms can feel overwhelming, there are effective strategies to help you cope.  

1. Caring for Your Physical Health  

Your physical health pays a big role in your mental well-being. A balanced diet, regular exercise and sufficient rest is especially important when dealing with trauma anniversaries, as they help regulate emotions and build emotional resilience. 

Exercise releases endorphins, commonly known as “happy hormones” that reduce anxiety and boost our mood. What you eat can significantly impact your mood. So, eating nutrient-rich foods can ensure your energy levels are stable and improve your feelings of anxiety, fatigue or irritability. Lastly, rest is crucial in facilitating recovery from trauma. Sleep helps restore your brain function, regulates your moods and calms your nervous system. Rest is not a luxury; it’s a necessity when coping with anniversary trauma.  

2. Lean on your loved ones 

When facing something as heavy as trauma, it is important to surround yourself with people who make you feel safe, seen and supported. Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries, listen without judgement and show genuine concern. Remember, you are not alone! When trauma anniversary symptoms surface, reach out to someone you trust to get support. 

3. Journalling  

Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a powerful way to reduce your anniversary trauma symptoms. Writing it down can help you acknowledge and process all the complex emotions you may be feeling. It can express emotions or thoughts that are too hard to say out loud, providing an outlet to reduce emotional overwhelm and facilitate healing.  

4. Try Calming Exercises  

Heart pounding, hands shaking and thoughts racing – when our survival response takes over, it can be difficult to steady ourselves admists the overwhelming emotions. Mindfulness exercises can help bring awareness to our emotions, calm our nervous system, and reground us to the present.  

5. Seek Professional Help 

Trauma is not something to dismiss or minimise. When left unaddressed, it can become deeply rooted and lead to serious mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety and emotional dysregulation. Sometimes, self-care alone is not enough – and that is okay! There is no shame in asking for help. Just like how you would visit a doctor when your body’s not feeling well, it can be helpful to visit a mental health professional if you have been struggling with your mental health. Therapists, counsellors and psychologists are trained to create a safe space where you feel supported, understood and heard. Asking for help is the bravest thing you can do for yourself. 

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Anniversary trauma and the distressing feelings, thoughts and physical symptoms it brings can be incredibly difficult to face. Navigating trauma can sometimes feel like an endless dark tunnel. But take heart – healing is possible. Lean on those who love you and be patient with yourself.  

Healing is never linear. Every small step forward makes all the difference to recovery. 

Supporting a Loved One Who Fell for a Scam

As they share their stories, you might try to make sense of what happened. How could they trust a stranger? There might be the urge to question and comment on how they could be fall for a scam. 

But Hold On.... 

Chances are, they already knew the warning signs. They probably read the news about scammers and the victims too. Yet, scams are designed to outsmart even the savviest people. We know that you care and want to help, but a lecture isn’t what they need now. They need your understanding, empathy, and support at this moment to help them process. 

So, How Do I Approach This? 

The best way to approach this is to guide the conversation gently and constructively. This means just being there to help them process their experience, offering emotional reassurance, and figuring out practical steps to move forward together.  

Start by understanding what happened without rushing into solutions. 

Ψ Show Your Genuine Care and Curiosity 

Your loved one might not feel ready to share everything immediately. They could feel hesitant, withdrawn, or even overwhelmed after the incident. Scams often leave victims feeling vulnerable, so it’s understandable why they might feel so. 

You can help create a safe and judgement-free space by asking open-ended and neutral questions. For example: 

• “How are you feeling now?” 

• “Do you want to tell me more about it? 

Rather than asking them questions on how the scam happened (we know you’re curious!), give them space to share what they want, when they are ready. This shows that you genuinely care and are willing to give them room to share at their own pace. Remember to be patient, let them lead the conversation, and avoid pushing for answers. 

Ψ Recognise and Validate Their Emotions 

Once they begin to share, let them know their feelings are valid and it’s okay to feel embarrassed, angry, guilty, or devastated. These emotions are a natural response to a difficult experience. 

Here are some useful phrases: 

• “It’s completely normal to feel upset about this. If this happens to me, I will feel the same too.” 

• “This doesn’t define you—scammers are incredibly skilled at tricking people.” 

• “You’re not alone. It happens to so many people, and it’s not your fault.” 

 By validating their emotions without judgment, you help ease the weight of shame or guilt they might be carrying. 

Ψ Clarify the Details (Gently) 

Victims of scams often face self-blame and shame. It would be completely normal for them to feel an array of thoughts and emotions. Gentle questions allow them to process the incident and all that has happened.  

You can start off by asking “Do you want to talk more about how the scam happened?” to assess if they are ready for the conversation. If they are, you could try asking the following questions: 

• “Do you remember what they said or did to convince you?” 

• “Did they provide any links, documents, profiles or phone numbers?” 

• “What kind of payment were they asking for, and how did you make it?” 

It’s okay if they don’t remember every detail or aren’t ready to share everything. The goal is to provide clarity without pressuring them. 

How Can I Help Them Now? 

Victims are often left feeling helpless or unsure of what to do next. You can find out if any steps have been taken and their current priority. Some questions you can use are: 

• “How can I help you now?” 

• “Have you contacted your bank?”  

• “Do you need me to accompany you to make a report?” 

If they’re open to it, you could guide them through the steps of: 

• Reporting the scam on ScamShield or the Singapore Police Force

• Contacting their bank to secure their accounts 

• Reminding them to update their passwords to ensure account safety 

If they feel emotionally distressed, consider suggesting or practicing coping strategies with them. 

Ψ Mindfulness: The S.T.O.P Technique 

Victims often dwell on the past (how they were scammed) or worry about the future (what to do next). This technique helps them focus on the present: 

S - “Stop what we are doing for a moment.” 

T - “Take deep, mindful breaths together.” 

O - “Observe your thoughts, emotions or bodily sensations (e.g., tension in the shoulder, chest tightness).” 

P - “Proceed with what we can do next (e.g., address emotions, take practical steps or plan for the future etc.)” 

Ψ Journaling 

Encourage them to journal as a way to externalise their thoughts and process their emotions. They might start by acknowledging their experience, such as “I have been scammed, and I feel angry”. They can then write about what’s on their mind and reflect on questions like, “What would I say to a friend who went through this?” and “How can I be kinder to myself?” 

Ψ Guide Them to Professional Help 

Continue to check-in regularly to see how they’re coping. If the emotional or financial aftermath feels too overwhelming, suggest seeking professional support. For financial concerns, finding a support group with individuals in similar situations can provide a sense of solidarity. By doing so, it is a sign of strength and a journey towards recovery. 

For emotional and psychological concerns, if self-help strategies don’t seem to be enough, it might be better to seek professional help from a psychologist or counsellor. These professionals can help them process any trauma or distress caused by the scam and offer tools to rebuild confidence, manage anxiety, and navigate the healing process.  

For a deeper understanding of how to navigate this phase, they can explore more resources on How to Cope with Being Scammed (link).  

Don’t Forget About Yourself 

Supporting a loved one after they’ve been scammed can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to shoulder the burden alone. Scammers exploit emotions, and the responsibility for their actions is not yours to bear. If the situation feels too heavy, lean on someone you trust—a friend, family member, or professional to process your feelings of frustration, anxiety, or helplessness. 

By prioritising your well-being, you’ll be in a better position to support your loved one. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s essential. 

Video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOPz4_ryviE  

10 Habits of People Living with C-PTSD

As a form of protection to themselves, they may cope in the following ways. 

1. Isolating Themselves  

Withdrawing from others gives them a sense of safety and security. Avoiding people, objects or situations that remind them of the traumatic event and trigger painful memories prevents them from feeling anxious. 

2. Emotional Detachment  

In addition to physical isolation, they may also emotionally detach themselves from others. This detachment helps them avoid questions or conversations from concerned well-wishers, families and friends that could unintentionally result in them revisiting the traumatic experience. 

3. Over-accommodating Others 

When interaction with others is unavoidable, those with C-PTSD may exhibit a tendency to people-please. They prioritise others needs over their own, going out of their way to ensure that others are cared for – often at the expense of their own well-being. 

4. Hyperarousal or “Always being on-guard” 

Those with C-PTSD often experience hyperarousal, which is a heightened state of alertness. They may constantly feel a sense of threat, so they stay ready to fight or flee at any moment. Even minor occurrences such as a sudden noise or movement could startle them.  

5. Poor Sleep Hygiene 

Being in a constant state of vigilance or “fight-or-flight” mode can cause sleep interferences as the body struggles to calm its nervous system. Many struggle with falling or staying asleep and may feel perpetually tired as a result.

To cope with the sleep difficulties, some individuals may turn to excesses, such as exercise, work, substance/alcohol use, etc, as elaborated further below. While helpful in the short-run, these sleep strategies lead to further implications in the individuals in the long-run.

6. Suppressing Emotions 

Not only do persons with C-PTSD avoid expressing their emotions, but they may also actively try and block out their emotions. This acts as a defense mechanism, preventing themselves from having to relive the experience.  

7. Irritability and Emotional Reactivity 

Persons with C-PTSD may experience heightened anxiety levels and feel irritable, causing them to lash out at others. These feelings of anxiety can be very distressing, and so additional stressors, however small they may seem, can cause one to feel angry or unpleasant. Constant irritableness can also impact interpersonal relationships, resulting in challenges in establishing and maintaining healthy connections with others.  

8. Persistent Self-Doubt 

Experiencing prolonged trauma – especially in situations where they were unable to protect or advocate for themselves – can cause individuals to lose trust in their own judgement. This self-doubt can be deeply rooted, leading them to question their abilities, decisions and worth.

9. Self-destructive Behaviours 

To cope with feelings of anxiety or escape distressing and intrusive thoughts, some persons with C-PTSD may turn to harmful coping strategies such as substance use or self-harm. While these behaviours offer temporary relief, they often exacerbate the emotional pain in the long term. 

10. Overworking as a Distraction 

Often deemed as workaholics, those with C-PTSD may get into the habit of overworking themselves to distract themselves from their trauma. While this may seem productive, working excessively can become a form of avoidance, preventing them from processing their emotional experiences, putting them at risk of burnout. 

These behaviours are common coping mechanisms exhibited by persons suffering from C-PTSD. While they may help individuals get through the day, they do not directly address the root causes of C-PTSD. If you or a loved one are struggling with any of these patterns, support from a mental health professional can be a crucial step toward healing and long-term recovery.   

Written by Yi Ling and our Associate Psychologist